


His Golden Journey

by phoenixreal



Category: Bleach
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BDSM, Blood and Torture, Bondage as Healing, Branding, Cock & Ball Torture, Dominance, Hallucinations, Hypnosis, Implied/Referenced Underage, M/M, Mind Control, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Mind Games, Mind Rape, Needle Torture, Non-Consensual Bondage, Non-Consensual Violence, Perfect Hypnosis, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Soul Bond, Threesome - M/M/M, Water Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-01-07 13:31:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 60,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1120421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixreal/pseuds/phoenixreal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[In REWRITE Jan 17] Ichigo sacrifices not only his power but his life in the Final Mungetsu. Five years pass, and on the fifth anniversary of his sacrifice, an Arrancar appears in Soul Society with a wrapped bundle. Inside, they find the shell of the substitute shinigami broken beyond their imagining.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shatter His Body

**Author's Note:**

> I've removed the Underage tag since this takes place five years after the winter war. There are references to events that occurred before Ichigo was seventeen, but the story takes place much later.
> 
> Check out http://chainsoffate.ashesofreality.com/ and join my mailing list. Primarily focused on original but now and then there will be a Bev's Fanfiction Corner featured now and then!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is getting a complete rewrite. Please be patient as I work through the new story line.

* * *

 

 

* * *

 

The first thing that happened when the smoke cleared was utter and complete confusions. Isshin Kurosaki fell to his knees in shock. Everyone else reacted much the same. Isshin knew there was a chance that this would go poorly for his son. He had known that he might not survive using Mungetsu. Now, looking at the field of battle, and seeing only the tattered remains of his shihakuso and a broken Bankai Zangetsu...

All that remained of Sōsuke Aizen was a cracked, blue sphere that had once been the hogyuku. They found nothing else of the traitor Shinigami. The broken hogyuku, confirmed by both Kurotsuchi and Urahara, was all that remained.

There was no sign of either Ichigo’s reiatsu, nor Aizen’s. They had both been destroyed in Ichigo’s final attack. Of course, no one was sure at first, why would they be? There were many possibilities. After two months, everyone had concluded that there was no hope that either survived. There was no sign of the two Shinigami. The World of the Living, Soul Society, and Hueco Mundo was scoured and not the slightest trace of their spiritual presences could be found. Isshin couldn’t stand to tell his daughters the truth. He knew that Karin knew that the Ichigo that sat each night at their table was not the same one. He suspected that Karin always knew when Kon inhabited her brother’s body. She never spoke of it, but as her own reiatsu increased, and Urahara took on training her, he knew she was aware. He saw the glances she would send Kon's direction, and he suspected that she sensed the difference in reiatsu.

Chad, Uryū, and Orihime tried to relate to Kon as they had Ichigo, but soon, it seemed they distanced themselves from him. Isshin saw it in the mod soul as he would sit and stare out the window. He would often see Mizuiro and others, but he avoided Ichigo's three closest friends. Kon knew he was living a stolen life, and it killed him. Now and then, Rukia and Renji would come visit with him, but Isshin saw the pain in their eyes. Kon’s presence was a reminder of who they had lost. There wasn’t much to be done, of course. Isshin tried to treat Kon as he would have treated Ichigo, but knowing it wasn’t Ichigo hurt more than he expected.

Isshin smiled at the boy; it was not his fault at all.  But even he found it hard to look at the soul that made his son’s human body move. He didn’t show it, because Kon was as distraught as the rest of them. He would sit at Ichigo’s desk and sketch in a book that Isshin had given him for his first “birthday” after Ichigo’s death. He found that Kon had a talent for artistry rather than Ichigo's favored subjects, and he encouraged it. Somehow, it made him happy that Kon’s interests varied as much as they did from his son’s.

Still, two years later, when Kon moved out of the house to attend an art college in Tokyo, Isshin was happy. He was happy for Kon, of course, but he was happy that he no longer had to watch his son’s body knowing he was gone. Kon rarely returned to Karakura Town. He found a new life, at least, he told them he had. The truth was that Kon's art became a reflection of the mod soul's pain.

Kon sat in a small studio apartment in central Tokyo surrounded by canvases and boards covered in pain, pastel, and pencil. Five years had passed so quickly. It was the anniversary. He looked up as the door opened and a young man walked into the the room.

"Kon..." he said and came and wrapped arms around his back tightly. "I missed you the last week. You haven't left the apartment to come to the coffee shop?"

"I know, Akio, I know. But...today's a hard day. I lost my twin five years ago..." he said and sighed.

Akio sat down beside him. "Then you shouldn't be alone," he said as he looked around the room.

Most the paintings and drawings looked like self-portraits to anyone that didn't know him. There were various versions of his own image, but if someone knew Kon well enough, they knew that the strawberry vines meant something. They knew that the skulls and the white masks were important. They knew that the sword wielding figures weren't simply imagined versions of himself.

There was a long pause. "Kon, um, I wanted to ask you something for a while."

Kon looked at the young man. They'd been lovers off and on over the last couple years, but even Akio didn't know everything about the enigmatic Kon. Kon reached out and brushed a hand over his head gently, tucking his long dyed blue hair behind his ear.

"What is it?"

"Why don't you settle down with someone? With us?" he said. "I mean, you and me, we've gone back and forth, and I can't tell you how much I love you...and Seres. She adores you so much. She would give you the world if you would just stay with us."

Kon smiled. Seres. Akio. And so many others. He had found comfort for a long time in physical pleasures. Seres and Akio were the closest to a boyfriend and a girlfriend he had, though. Neither minded that he cared for them both, and he really did care for them both. They were married already and begged him often to come live with them permanently instead of in the small art studio he rented. But no matter how much he tried, Kon couldn't love them completely with his stolen body. The pain was too much.

"I live a stolen life," he said and stared at his hands that were stained in orange paint. "I can't commit with a stolen life."

Akio had heard this so many times and he had yet to understand what he meant by a "stolen life". Then he frowned.

"Kon. Does that have something to do with the fact your name isn't really Kon?" he said in a quiet tone.

He nodded. "Yeah. I'm living his life," he said as he reached out and touched the last painting he'd drawn. But something was different about it and he didn't know why.

Akio frowned and looked at it for a long time. "I've never seen you do something like that."

Kon realized how true it was. He'd never painted something like this. He frowned, tracing his fingers down the image. "I...I don't remember painting it like this..."

It was supposed to be a picture of Ichigo the last time he'd seen him, standing proudly with Zangetsu over his shoulder. It was a present for Karin, one of the few people that knew he wasn't really Ichigo. It looked nothing like it. A beaten face stared at him from the canvas, drawn and hollow looking. Dark strands of dingy, matted hair cascaded down the nude form almost to his elbows. His hands were crossed over his lap, wide, metal cuffs encircling his forearms. Bruising and blood covered him, almost obscuring the flesh tones underneath. All around the figure, chains and implements of torture like branding irons and knives rested. His fingers were twisted and malformed and Kon had no idea why he'd done this.

Aiko looked at it with him a long time. "Do you feel like that?"

Kon shook his head. "No... but he does...how...he's dead..."

"I don't understand?" Aiko said as he watched Kon stand up and pace.

"He's dead, I'm living his life, in his body!" he exclaimed. His body, his life, and I've painted him but what if it was a trick, what if it was all a trick? What if my pain isn't my own, what if it belongs to him?" he said and looked at him. "I have to go back to Karakura Town. Will...will you and Seras come with me?"

Aiko nodded. "Anything you need, Kon, you know that."

Kon ran a hand over his long hair. For some reason, he hadn't cut it. He glanced at the painting, seeing that the hair in it was the same length. As though it hadn't been cut in five years either. He never painted Ichigo like that. He always painted him with the short hair. He looked back at Aiko.

"I can't promise that I'll come back with you," he whispered and felt a rush of horrible sadness at that though. "I...I might not be the same person when this is over, but I have to find out. I have to know if I've been tricked; if we've all been tricked."

Of course, illusions trick even the keenest observer, and they had all been tricked by the best illusionist of them all.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

[Five Years Ago]

Ichigo opened his eyes with painful slowness. He was being held up by someone on either side of him. His head felt like it was full of sand. The entirety of his body felt lax and loose. He looked up to see Aizen looming over him. He gasped, and looked to either side to find he was held tightly by Espada by each arm. Espada that were supposed to be dead. He frowned and saw a flash of blue, and a flash of pink.

Mungetsu. He’d used Mungetsu, and then…what happened? Everything went blank from there onward. He couldn’t remember… Something had happened, in the middle of everything and the world had exploded in front of his eyes.

“Glad to see you wake up, Ichi-kun,” Aizen practically purred as he leaned over and smirked at him.

I can’t watch the Shikai, I can’t see it, he thought and turned his head away screwing his eyes shut tight. He heard Aizen laugh and his head was  turned to face him. Fingers were prying at his eyes until the brown orbs were opened. The sword flashed in front of Ichigo’s face and Aizen stared at it for a minute.

“Shatter, Kyōka Suigetsu,” he said and Ichigo’s world wavered and fell around him.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Soul Society had moved on in those five years as well. Many things had changed, but also many had stayed the same. Renji stopped at the base of a monument. It was simple. They had all felt after his sacrifice that Ichigo needed some sort of representation. It was a beautiful fountain with stone Zangetsu in the center and a stone carving of the Vizard mask at the bottom. At the base of the fountain inside a glass case the remains of Zangetsu rested. The fountain’s water ran freely over it. Renji smiled and looked at it.

Today was the fifth anniversary of Ichigo’s death, his sacrifice. Renji  stopped most days at Ichigo's Fountain. Today, there was a ceremony to commemorate the substitute Shinigami’s gift for Soul Society.

“Taichou,” Renji said as he glanced behind him to see Byakuya walk up behind him. “Did Rukia go to get the others from the World of the Living?” he asked.

“She did. They will be here soon,” Byakuya asked, appearing quite serene today.

Renji cocked his head to the side as a sensation flooded him for the first time in a long time. “Taichou?” he asked.

Byakuya frowned and looked at him. “I sensed it, too,” he said with a frown etching his brow. “It felt hollow.”

“And close,” Renji said as he glanced back at his captain.

There was a sudden splash in the fountain and both heard someone giggle on the other side of the statue. They walked around to see someone that should not be alive sitting on the side of the fountain trailing fingers in the water. The Arrancar turned bright purple eyes on both and smiled. His wide gapped front teeth caused him to look childish. His blond hair was short around his face much the same as when he had fought the Sou-Taichou during the winter war.

“What?” Renji said as he stepped back and pulled Zabimaru to point at him. Byakuya drew Senbonzakura as well, confused.

Wonderweiss smiled instead and stood up. He walked away from the foutain and flopped to the ground beside a blanket of some sort. Renji and Byakuya saw that it was a blanket wrapped around something large. Wonderweiss leaned over the bundle and put his arms over the bundle and sighed, cutting his eyes up at them.

“Help Pet?” he asked curiously. “Bring Pet.”

Byakuya and Renji exchanged a look. They knew that Yamamoto had completely destroyed this particular Arrancar. Byakuya approached the dark cloth bundle, watching the Arrancar as he did. As he got closer he could see that at the end, near the Arrancar, there was a shock of bright orange hair sticking out of it. Renji saw it too and stared for a moment. The Arrancar smiled again at them.

"Help Pet? Hurt Pet."

“No, that’s not…it can’t be…” Renji whispered.

Byakuya knelt near the top where the Arrancar sat. As he got closer, Wonderweiss sat up and watched. Byakuya reached down and pulled the cloth down with care. He  winced as he uncovered the face underneath.

“Ichigo…” he breathed and heard Renji gasp in shock behind him.

It was the assumed dead Shinigami substitute. Bruises littered Ichigo's face, old and new. There were cuts in varying stages of healing, some still bleeding, also covering his face and neck. A thick red ring ran around his neck, and finger shaped bruises peppered the sides of his neck. His breaths were short and shallow, almost nonexistent. Byakuya continued to pull the covering down, revealing that his chest. Like his face, bruising and abrasions covered his torso. Patches of skin had been stripped away from places on his stomach and ribs along with the bruising. Purple and red marks ran down his arms to his mangled looking hands. Silver cuffs covered his forearms from wrist halfway up to his elbows.

He was drawn incredibly thin, ribs stretching out the skin taunt. While soul form didn’t require food, a person with high reiatsu needed substance. Ichigo had always had very strong reiatsu. The strangest thing was there was no sign of his spiritual energy at all now. He didn’t want to continue, but he swallowed and scanned downward as he lifted the rest of the cloth.

Renji moved and tossed the cover back up, looking sick. His entire pelvis was a mass of purple and black, and he was sure it wasn’t supposed to be at that angle. There were thick, red lines running down his thighs and pelvis, up into his lower stomach like the skin had been flayed off of his body. There were burns that looked like an iron had been used on his legs. His legs were twisted wrong, covered with bruising marks and cuts. Renji breathed harshly and looked back at his barely living friend.

“Kuchiki-Taichou, what did they do to him? Who did this to him?” he breathed.

Both Byakuya and Renji stared at the Arrancar who was watching them. “Help Pet?” he said again as Ichigo’s eyes began to flutter.

Renji knelt beside his head in utter shock. How could anyone be conscious in this state? As soon as Ichigo's eyes opened, they saw abject terror in them. Ichigo's gaze went to Byakuya first and then to Renji. Ichigo gasped out loud and tried to back away from them.

“No, please, no more, Master!” he cried out. “Good Pet. Please, no more...”

Byakuya frowned. “Ichigo, what is it?”

He watched as his voice set the young man to shivering and cowering in fear. “Please, don’t. Pet will be good!”

Ichigo pulled the dark cloth around him and was scrambling away from them inch by inch. Byakuya frowned and turned to Renji. Renji moved forward, surprised as Ichigo flinched hard enough to fall backward away from him. He fell on his back and let out a low whimpering sound. Wonderweiss crawled over next to him then and picked up his head, drawing it into his lap.

“Pet friend,” he muttered sadly as he looked up at Renji and Byakuya. “Help?” he asked again as Ichigo didn’t seem to react at all to the Arrancar touching him.

“Renji-sama, don’t hurt Pet more,” Ichigo whispered as he stared at him. Renji stared until Ichigo's eyes rolled up and he seemed to pass out. Renji and Byakuya exchanged confused glances.

“What…what’s this?” Renji asked.

Byakuya shook his head. He had no idea what was happening. He just  gathered up the young Shinigami in his arms. He took off and flashed back to the squad four headquarters as fast as he could. He had to take the beaten and broken boy to Unohana. Renji watched him go and then looked at the Arrancar who sat looking in the direction that Byakuya had gone. He cleared his throat.

“What’s your name?” he asked as he reached for him.

“Wonderweiss. Pet friend?” he asked as he reached his hand toward Renji.

Renji took it, nodding woodenly. He had no idea what that meant when he said it. “Yeah, let’s…let’s go to where Ichigo’s been taken…” he said as he walked the small Arrancar toward the fourth division.

It didn’t take long for all Soul Society to be talking. Byakuya and Renji both waited in the fourth. The Arrancar had been taken to a secure room, and they waited in Unohana’s office. Outside, in the front, people were beginning to gather, as the rumors had been quick to begin. More than one had sensed the presence of an Arrancar, if not a powerful one.

It also didn’t take long for Rukia to return with Orihime, Uryū, and Chad. Upon finding out that an Arrancar had appeared near Ichigo’s Fountain, she had taken the others to the fourth to find out what had happened. No one would give her any answers, and no one would say if anyone had been injured. Of course, she was afraid that something had happened to one of them if they were both in the fourth.

Finally, Renji emerged and Rukia gasped to see the haunted look on his face and how pale he was. He wandered into the room and dropped to a chair wordlessly staring into space.

“Renji!” Rukia said, bringing him out of his trance to look at her.

He swallowed and looked at her with wide eyes. “I…I can’t even…”

“Are you okay? They said there was an Arrancar, and that you and Nii-sama were here…what happened?” she asked. The three humans stood behind her, looking just as concerned. They’d never seen such a look on Renji before.

“I…five years…” Renji whispered and let his head back backward into the wall behind him.

“Five years?” Rukia asked, completely confused by that statement.

Renji looked up between them all. “We looked. I scoured Hueco Mundo. I thought…I thought I’d looked everywhere…we missed him, Rukia, we completely missed him…”

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about,” she said and frowned. She looked up as her brother came out of the back with a look on his face she wasn’t sure she understood. It was confusions and anger and a lot of things she couldn't identify.

“Nii-sama!” she called and he turned and stared at her and the others. “What is going on?”

Byakuya looked at her for a long time. “I…we…we were wrong…” he said quietly. “He was alive. This whole time…and we didn’t know.”

“Who?” Rukia asked, her heart rising to her throat. She knew what she feared the answer would be.

“Kurosaki…” Byakuya said. “An Arrancar that should be dead appeared with him. We don’t know more than that, I must go to the Sou Taichou.” He sighed as he turned and left the fourth.

“What?” she responded and looked at Renji. “Ichigo?”

“If you can call it alive,” Renji whispered and put his head in his hands. “I…that isn’t him anyone…”

“I don’t understand,” Orihime whispered and glanced at Uryū and Chad. “Ichigo’s alive?”

Unohana emerged after a few minutes and saw the three humans and Renji and Rukia waiting impatiently. “He’s asleep, I want keep him that way. I…I could use your help Orihime,” she said with a glance at her. “I think you might be able to reject some of the damage…I’m not sure though.”

Orihime looked at her. Rukia stared. “I don’t…what’s happened?”

Unohana sighed. “I am unsure yet. An Arrancar that the Sou Taichou himself destroyed appeared at Ichigo's Fountain with him wrapped in a blanket. He asked Renji-san and Kuchiki-taichou to help him. I've put the Arrancar in a secure room for now until he can be questioned. As far as Ichigo...I…can only say that it appears that he’s been subjected to…extreme abuse in the time he’s been gone. I haven’t been able to tell much other than he isn’t in good shape. Please, come with me,” she said and led them toward the room he was in. Renji followed but stopped at the door and refused to enter the room.

Rukia and the others walked toward the bed where he was laid. She put a hand to her lips and shook her head. His hair was almost brown it was so dirty and matted and fell around him long and unkempt. They’d put him into a light-colored yukata, and a beige blanket was pulled up over him. His arms laid outside it on either side, and just the pallor of his skin was shocking enough. His cheeks were horribly sunken and almost every bit of skin was covered with bruising, abrasions, or scars. Rukia reached out and picked up his hand. She bit her lip, running her hands over the bones in his fingers. She could tell easily that they had been broken, several times by the look. Deep scarring ran through the flesh in the backs of his hands.

On his forearms, though, were the silver cuffs that began at his wrist and went halfway up them. Rukia ran her fingers up to the cuffs. They were embedded into the skin, flush, and she wondered if there was even any skin below them. The skin at the edges had tried to grow around the imbedded metal. Just touching them, she felt a drain on her own spiritual energy and she shivered at it. There was writing on it, barely discernible anymore.

“This…this is…the Kuchiki seal,” she whispered, realizing what the etching was.

Renji stepped forward then to look, as he had not noticed the seal. Unohana had left with Orihime to discuss what they were going to do about Ichigo’s condition. There was a sudden gasp from Ichigo, which surprised her and the others.

“Ichigo! You’re awake!” she said with a smile at him. It was a strained smile, but of course she didn't know how he'd reacted to waking previously.

Ichigo stared at her, his eyes wide with absolute terror. He flashed his eyes up to look at Renji again, and then around the room. He didn’t seem to focus on either Chad or Uryū. His gaze just seemed to pass them by without pausing. He snatched his hand away from the shocked Rukia and backpedaled off the bed. He landed with a hard thump and whined as he jarred his injuries but it didn’t stop him. He continued moving away from them, yanking off all the monitors as he went. Loud sounds resounded and he cringed away, covering his ears and pulling in on himself. He pulled his knees to his chest, shaking his head and muttering to himself.

Rukia ran around the bed and dropped in front of him, his head jerking up at her, his eyes wide. “No, pet be good, Rukia-sama, for Rukia-sama, please don’t call Master…” he said whispering, looking up and staring at Renji. He pulledhis head down again and covered it with his hands. “No, no Renji-sama…please…”

Rukia looked up at Renji, a deep frown crossing her face. “Ichigo, why are you calling us that?”

Ichigo shook his head, still covering it with shaking arms. “Master says, master says…or Renji-sama and Rukia-sama will punish pet for Master.”

Rukia looked up to see Unohana watching, wide eyed with Orihime standing beside her. Rukia tried to touch Ichigo and he flinched backward, pulling into the wall, shaking violently.

“Ichigo, what happened? Who did this to you?” she asked, desperately wanting to understand what had happened to him.

Ichigo shook his head. “No, Master, Master,” he muttered hoarsely.

“Who is ‘Master’, Ichigo?” Renji asked, moving forward even with Rukia. He looked up and around.

“Was here but didn’t punish pet,” he said simply, resuming his protective stance. “Master always punishes Pet for being bad. Always bad Pet. Always monster. Always punished. Bad.”

Unohana looked over as Ukitake entered, looking down at the cowering boy on the floor. Rukia looked up at her taichou with wide eyes. Renji moved forward to try and reach for Ichigo again, only to have him jerk away, reaching up to tug at his neck. Ichigo stopped , his eyes wide. Uryū and Chad both were just standing and staring because neither had any idea what to do.

“Where is it?” he gasped. “Where is it?” His hands grasped at his throat, and there was a definite deep red line where some sort of collar had been.

“Master will be mad, master will be mad, is that why Renji-sama is here? Is that why? Master is mad…” he said, franticly looking around the room. Then he froze.

Rukia looked up to see her brother in the doorway, and then looked back at Ichigo. “M-master is angry at pet,” he said dejectedly and dropped to the floor folding his hands under his chin and pulling his knees up into his chest.

Byakuya was confused. Unohana placed a hand on his shoulder, and then looked at Ukitake. “Jūshirō, can you get him back into his bed? I think I know what’s happened…I don’t know for sure, but I have a suspicion.”

She led the entire group other than Ukitake out of the room and across the hallway to an empty one.

“Ichigo is alive. That means there is a good possibility that Aizen is alive as well. If somehow, Aizen used his weapon again against us, it might be possible that he made us believe that he and Ichigo were both killed. And now, I think Aizen used Kyōka Suigetsu on him,” she said softly. “He seems to believe that you three were his captors.”

Byakuya was for once not stoic, a rise of the old un-tempered anger from his youth rushing in his veins. “He did this, with my likeness?”

Unohana nodded. “I’ve been listening to the way he’s speaking. Something is wrong with his mind, and I don’t know what it is yet. He calls himself ‘pet’, as though he’s lost his entire sense of self-identity. Just the damage to his body… the strongest person would have broken from the look of the extensive damage.” She paused. “You saw the Kuchiki seal engraved on the metal cuffs. I can’t tell much about them, but they seem to be some sort of spiritual energy sealing items. Kurotsuchi-taichou is working on understanding it. As for the physical damage. I’ve not even begun to finish the diagnostic kido other than an initial pass. But it is more than physical from my initial exam.”

Rukia visibly paled. “You mean…”

Unohana sighed. “There are extensive signs of prolonged abuse, both physical and sexual. There’s traces of drugs in his system I cannot identify and have no idea what they were meant to do. That doesn’t include any psychological abuse he’s endured.”

Rukia looked up at Renji and then her brother. To his credit, Byakuya hadn’t lost his temper. Though it had been close. Orihime was standing with Chad and Uryū closer to the doorway just listening with tears glistening in her eyes.

“So, he thinks that we have done this to him?” Byakuya said with a dangerous softness to his voice.

“With every fiber of his being. Perfect hypnosis was enough that we believed Aizen was dead. I handled the body, everything was real. It isn’t a stretch for him to have been using it to keep up the ruse. Though why he chose to use your likeness I’m unsure. Perhaps because of Rukia and Renji’s affection for him. But we can’t assume that you were the only ones used to torture him,” she said as Ukitake stood in the door, looking pale.

“I can’t get near him, he’s put himself in the corner of the room, and I can’t…I can’t…” his voice was tight. “He asked me if I was there to punish him too.”

Unohana sighed. “This is going to be harder than I thought if he’s used us all on him. The torture is not part of the hypnosis. The damage is very physical. I’m assuming he would use hypnosis to convince him that those doing these things were us instead of him. There may have been others. A dead Arrancar has been brought back, so it is possible he brought others back as well.  We need someone whose image wasn’t used to torture him, or we’re never going to get anywhere.”

“We could try?” Orihime said with a glance at Unohana. “Maybe Urahara-kun?”

Unohana and Ukitake exchanged a glance. “I’ll go to the head captain about Urahara-san, and I'll summon Hirako-taichou,” Ukitake said with a nod of his head. "He will want to know about this immediately as well.

“I’ll find someone that Aizen was unfamiliar with to work with him for now, perhaps to get him to eat or something. Kurotsuchi-Taichou is working on a way to extract the cuffs already, but he’s not having much luck. Perhaps Urahara-san can help him,” she said. “I’d rather wait until Urahara-san arrives before letting you three try to talk to him. Urahara-san is able to use kido to put him to sleep if he has another panic attack.”

Everyone agreed that it was the best course of action to wait. They stood outside the room, watching as a young girl that was new to the division finally coaxed Ichigo from his corner and back into the bed. He possessively clutched at the sheets, as though he were afraid that they would be taken from him. Considering that he had a barely mended shattered pelvis, two fractured shins, and adislocated hip, she wasn’t sure how he could move that much. She grimaced, though realizing that he must be used to that kind of pain. The gentle blond managed to talk him into having some broth and he took a couple sips, then frowned and gave it back. She looked at Rukia and Renji with tired eyes as she exited the room.

“I tried to tell him he was Ichigo, that he shouldn’t call himself pet, but he won’t have any of it. He just goes on muttering about how master says he’s pet now,” she said sighing.

They stood outside and watched as he curled on his side and clutched the sheets against his chest. It wasn’t long until Rukia and Renji heard a familiar voice behind them.

“You’ve found him alive,” he said quietly. Behind Urahara were Yoruichi and she saw Shinji had come up as well.

Rukia looked at him, tears streaming down her face all of a sudden. “But it isn’t him anymore! He doesn't know anyone, and he calls us...sama...and thinks Nii-sama is his master!”

Urahara put a hand on her shoulder. “Let’s see if we can’t connect with him, and hope Aizen wasn’t cruel enough to think to use us against him as well.”

They entered the room together and Urahara put a chair near his head. He reached out to touch him and the expected flinch came, but Ichigo's wide eyes settled on unfamiliar faces. He looked between the three of them, no recognition in his eyes.

“Ichigo?” Urahara asked in a gentle tone. Ichigo shook his head.

“No, gone,” he whispered, looking between the three of them from hooded eyes. He had his head tucked down and nearly buried in his chest.

“Ichigo, no it isn’t. You are Ichigo, remember? Ichigo Kurosaki? Do you recognize me?” Urahara continued.

At first, he shook his head, but the stopped, and stared intently at Urahara’s hat. Urahara reached up and took it off, handing it Ichigo. Ichigo reached a shaky hand out to take it. He stared at the stripes of green and white as if it was the only thing in the universe. Urahara leaned closer.

“You know my hat, right Ichigo?” he said in the same gentle tone.

Slowly, the substitute Shinigami turned the hat over in his hands, and nodded. It was there, right behind the picture of the hat. Just outside of the realm of touching. He suddenly threw it as though it had scorched him. Urahara flinched, biting his lip as he motioned Yoruichi forward.

“Ichigo?” she asked, trying to keep her voice as quiet as she could.

He stared at her now but just looked away. His eyes refused to focus on her for more than a second. Urahara wasn’t sure how to help Ichigo if there was a problem with his mind. Something was there. His mind was trying to make connections, but Urahara could tell he was struggling greatly with it. He sighed and shook his head at her. She stepped back and Shinji moved next to him.

“You know me, right Ichigo?” Shinji said smiling his typical broad smile. “We’ve missed you, my friend…”

“Friends,” Ichigo mused then shook his head. “No friends for pet, no friends for pet, no friends for pet,” he began repeating, reaching up and holding his head. “Monster. No friends for monsters.”

Urahara reached out and pulled his hand down. “Ichigo, you have friends. Friends that won’t ever hurt you, okay?”

There were tears in his eyes. “Friends hurt pet. Monster, monster, punish monsters,” he whispered, frightened by his own words. “Monsters get punished, Pet is a monster…Master said so.”

Despite the glimmer of recognition at first Urahara sighed. He reached out and pulled Ichigo's hand closer to examine the cuffs. They had been on him a long time. Just being near them, he felt his own energy being sapped. And his eyes flashed in recognition as he looked between them and up at Ichigo.

He sighed and stood. “Will you stay with him? I’m going to see if I can help Mayuri-san. There is a possibility that they’re interfering with his mind too. The reiatsu drain is enough, but there’s no reason to have wired it directly into his nervous system unless it was to make it easier to ‘train’ him.”

As he exited, Unohana stopped him. “I think you may be right, Urahara-san. When we did our scans, there seems to be something blocking signals in his brain. Some areas don’t appear to be functioning at all, like the higher order thinking skills, problem solving, and long term memory.”

Urahara nodded. “Something tells me he refused to give in to them easily with just Aizen’s hypnosis. They used something else to make him more manageable and make sure that we wouldn’t be able to help him.”

“Why not just kill him?” Unohana said, glancing into the room as Shinji tried to talk with his broken friend.

Urahara sighed. “Because it would only have destroyed him. This way, he destroys him, and everyone who is close to him.”


	2. Shatter His Mind

[Five Years Ago]

Ichigo’s first thought was pain. A lot of pain. His arms were behind him in some sort of painful kido, and he was held down to the floor with it. He looked up to see a face that surprised him. Rukia was watching him carefully, seated on a low futon in front of him. He looked around to see that he was in…in…Kuchiki manor? He wondered what had happened; he was…what had happened? He couldn’t put his finger on it. He was fighting Aizen. He was about to use everything he had on him to…what? He went in the Dangai. His father had held back the current so he could go to his inner world. Shiro and Tensa had Merged and then he was different, in a sort of final form…but then what? He blinked and struggled against the kido.

“Rukia?” he said. “What’s going on? Why am I bound?”

She smirked at him. He was a little surprised. Since when did the midget smirk? “Why wouldn’t you be bound? We don’t let hollows run free in Soul Society.”

He stared in disbelief for a while. “What the hell are you talking about, Rukia? I’m not a hollow!”

“Close enough. That power you call up, I’ve seen it. And it is sickening. How can you even do something so disgusting? We kill hollows, we don’t become them,” she said with a deathly softness. “And then, what you did to Aizen? That kind of power cannot be allowed to roam freely. There was nothing left when you were done. Disgusting.”

Ichigo blinked and tried to say something only to feel something connect painfully with his jaw. If he hadn’t been bound to the spot he would have fallen with the force of it. He felt blood running down his face and he gasped to look up and see a familiar red haired Shinigami. He hadn’t evens seen him come into the room.

“Renji, the hell, what is going on?” he yelled in frustration as he struggled against the hado binding him. He had broken this thing before, this was that paralysis one. Wait, was it? He was so confused right now.

Renji grinned at him in a very unnatural way that reminded him of someone else. His mind couldn’t put his finger on who it reminded him of though; who did that predatory grin reminded him of? He should know. He should know who that terrible, horrible grin reminded him of…

“You shouldn’t talk unless yer told, Pet.”

Ichigo scowled up at him. “The hell you call me, bastard?”

It was a comment followed with another kick, this time to his temple, sending him reeling and pitching forward. For some reason the kido didn’t hold him in place anymore. He blinked away stars and pulled himself up again and found that Byakuya had replaced Rukia. Wait, he hadn’t even seen her move. What was happening to him? Byakuya was staring at him with that stoic expression but something was wrong. Ichigo shook his head. That couldn’t be Byakuya. Byakuya didn’t smile and now he was smiling at him.

“Forget what you have known, no one is going to help you now, you belong to me, nothing more than a pet for my amusement,” the raven-haired man said softly. “A tame hollow. It was this or you were to be put to death. We, the other Taichou and I, decided that you would make better amusement for us in this fashion. Bound like the monster you are, and a thing for our use. You can imagine how satisfying it is to take out anger and frustration on someone that represents everything we hate.”

Ichigo scowled and tried to pull his arms free again. “What the hell are you talking about? Whose idea is this? I’m not amused, let me out of this damn kido!”

In flash, Byakuya was kneeling in front of him, one hand painfully gripping his chin. From behind, he felt Renji and something slapped harshly around his neck. His eyes bulged. It was heavy.

“All good pets wear a collar,” Byakuya whispered and forced his mouth onto Ichigo’s.

In surprise, Ichigo sucked in a breath, giving the noble a chance to force his tongue into Ichigo’s mouth. The surprise only lasted a moment and Ichigo scowled even deeper. He then bit down on the intruding member as hard as he could. There was no noise from Byakuya as he pulled away, wiping blood from his mouth. Ichigo felt accomplished. He’d made him bleed. No matter what, he’d made the stoic bastard bleed.

“I wasn’t going to do this the first day, Pet, but you will be punished for that,” he whispered in a quiet tone, and for a moment Ichigo felt his stomach tighten at the threat and promise in that voice. But why did it sound wrong? Why did it make him think it wasn’t Byakuya? Something flickered in the back of his mind, something fluttered and screamed there and he couldn’t remember what it was…something was missing. Something was very wrong.

He didn’t have time to contemplate it as he felt hands on his hips. He was on his knees, bent forward, and Byakuya was holding his chin to keep his upper body upward. It was the same one Tessai had used in the hell hole, he realized. Wait, didn’t he think it was the paralysis one a second ago? Something wasn’t right, something was off.

Byakuya let go and Ichigo fell forward with a crash, his nose busting into the floor. He let out a painful sob and he felt his knees and ankles released and forced apart. He was so concerned with the pain blossoming in his nose he almost didn’t notice that he was exposed now. What happened to his clothes? He hadn’t even noticed that he didn’t have his shihakuso.

“No, stop, what are you doing!” he cried, trying to move from his awkward position. He managed to turn his head behind him and he saw Byakuya staring at him with those eyes, and a smile that didn’t belong.

Byakuya smirked again and Ichigo realized suddenly what he was going to do. He struggled again and then screamed as Byakuya forced himself into him roughly. Tears sprung unbidden to his eyes. He felt burning pain shoot up his back and down to the arches of his feet. He was sure that this was perhaps the most humiliation he had ever endured.

“Byakuya, stop! _Itai_! _Itai_!” he screamed, shaking his head.

“Fool, it is supposed to hurt. And it will only get worse, so unless you want me to continue to punish you, you’ll do as you are told,” he said roughly. Ichigo turned his head to see Renji kneeling in front of him.

Renji grinned again and Ichigo felt the tickle at his mind that he looked like someone else when he did that, but before he could think, his jaw was being forced open and Renji was forcing himself into his mouth, gagging him as his body fought to eject the offending object lodging its way down his throat.

“Slutty Pet,” Renji whispered. “You’ll behave or I’ll go and make sure that all your friends die here. Humans don’t deserve to be in Soul Society, especially not those with hollow granted powers and idiot Quincies that should be dead. They deserve to be punished like this too, do you think your princess would like the feel of my cock in her throat like this?”

Ichigo felt a creeping horror as he shook his head, his breath ragged by now. Pain was shooting up his back like a knife. Renji bucked into his mouth and before long he felt the sick feeling of warm liquid shooting into his throat. Behind him, Byakuya having a difficult time maintaining his rhythm, and he met his completion. Ichigo’s stomach turned and lurched, as he pulled out of him, and warm, wet liquid ran down his legs. He smelled blood.

“You can stay here until Rukia-sama comes back to teach you your place with her tools, Pet,” Byakuya said, leaving the shocked Shinigami substitute to stare blankly into space as blood pooled underneath him.

Over the next year, Ichigo watched as his world unravel around him. People he trusted, people he loved, even, in and out of his small, tortured room. He was let up from the kido, but he had no power. At some point, someone had placed thick black bracers on his wrists sealing off his power. They would come and torture him. Renji, Rukia, and Byakuya. His body was not his own, and they took great pleasure in tormenting him in every way possible. The room was empty other than the corner he was chained to, thick rings embedded in the collar ensuring that he couldn’t break them. If he was lucky, the chains weren’t used to beat him.

The irons were nearly unbearable some days. The searing hot pain was enough to make him cry when they left, thick stripes of burned flesh on his legs putting him in agony. Rukia loved using the irons, laughing when she did it. He knew she shouldn’t enjoy torturing him. If he was lucky, she wouldn’t turn the irons and use the handles in other painful ways. He had no idea how she even knew how to do these things to someone.

Renji and Byakuya would come to him daily, forcing him into degrading acts that he would have never imagined that they would do. It became that being beaten was the least of his worries. If they hurt him too much, they just healed him. He sat at the edge of life and death so many times, pleading with them to let him die. They wouldn’t let him die. He felt that it would never end. The count of days had been lost long ago. He grew used to seeing blood, bone, and worse.

He wouldn’t break. He refused to submit. No matter what they did, he refused to give them what they wanted.

He still fought them. No matter how many times he was kicked, or heard the crunch of his ribs or fingers, he still fought. Refusing to call them master, or sama, and refusing to refer to himself as pet. He was _not_ a pet, and he would be damned if they broke him. He couldn’t tell time, of course, but he knew a lot of time had passed. He was nursing a couple broken ribs, curled up on his mat, the thought of covering his nakedness lost long ago. He heard someone enter and he looked up in surprise to see Tōshirō. This was the first time someone had come to him besides Rukia, Renji, and Byakuya and his heart raced.

“T-Tōshirō? He said to the small captain, who stared at him, tilting a head to the side.

“Such trash,” he muttered. “You’ve become such dirty, used trash,” he said walking over to him. “Disgusting. You won’t even acknowledge your position. It’s been a year, and you still resist. Not anymore,” he said and pushed him back on the floor, his eyes searching Ichigo’s for a sign that the spark was gone.

The one over him found the spark still alive despite the beatings, the punishments, the pain. He shook his head impassively and struck him and pushed him down. For some reason, pain lanced through Ichigo’s heart looking up into the face of the small captain as he forced himself on him. He was smaller than Ichigo, but Ichigo was weak, and shocked that Tōshirō of all people would do something like this. When he had finished Ichigo turned back. He thought maybe it wasn’t true. Ichigo was sure that this was some sort of thing where Renji, Rukia, and Byakuya had done this to him without their knowledge. He was sure someone from the Gotei would save him if he just held on. No, they knew already. They allowed it.

“Kuchiki-Taichou has tired of you so he’s letting us have our way with you when we want. I’m sure everyone will enjoy punishing a Monster like you,” he said with seething venom as he left.

For some reason, Ichigo was left shaking. He’d been trapped like this a year in this hell? The rest had turned on him too? It was too much, even the pain lancing through his ass didn’t stop him from rocking back and forth with arms wrapped around his knees. They’d all decided that he was a monster? All of them? Surely…no, he thought. Images of the kind Toshiro, fighting beside him flashed in his mind. Then they disappeared. It wasn’t long after that Ichigo recalled the small Arrancar coming to him. He believed him to be imaginary because he couldn’t be real. The blond haired Arrancar would come and sit with him and talk to him. He would tell him things that were so odd he couldn’t be real at all. He would talk about the sands, and the strange hollows that walked among them, and other things. Perhaps it was his presence that made things easier.

Ichigo resisted still.

Even when he watched Ukitake come to him and call him names so despicable he didn’t want to remember them. Then he’d take needles, and Ichigo knew pain from such tiny things that he could not have imagined before it happened. Still, there was something wrong with Ukitake…he wasn’t right, and Ichigo couldn’t make his mind work to figure out why he was wrong…

Zaraki came to him often, the tall menacing figure that haunted his sleep as well as his wake. There was something wrong, though. Zaraki’s smile was too wide, too many teeth, and Ichigo didn’t know why. He’d enjoy using his body in horrific manners that left him on the edge death, only to be pulled back by Mayuri.

Kyōraku enjoyed using water for some reason. He had no idea why. He’d heard of water torture, but this was more than he’d imagine. The droplet torture was by far the worst, though, even more than being dunked in boiling water until he was forced to breathe it.

Unohana would visit him, and of all of them, he almost enjoyed her visits. She’d give him things that made him sick, and would whisper “amor” in his ear and he felt really nice. It was torment, inside his head, anyway, but there was sometimes a peace that fell over him. He couldn’t imagine Unohana being so sadistic…

Soi Fon and Ōmaeda scared him far worse than any of the rest. Soi Fon took sadistic glee in prying his legs apart and proceeding to mutilate and torture his male bits. After she left, as he was sure he’d die, Mayuri would appear. He would do something that healed, and sometimes entirely regrew, the mangled parts. These sessions generally included Ōmaeda crushing his hands or his feet with hammers, or sometimes both. Again, they would be healed, eventually.

Ikkaku and Yumichika would come together as well. Yumichika to flay the skin from his body, and Ikkaku to cut him with his sword, sometimes in small places, others in large. They would then pour the contents of Ikkaku’s sake jug over his head and laugh as he screamed.

He snarled and cursed their very existence as they called him a monster. He gave them no satisfaction as he held on to his voice longer than they expected. He tried to not scream for them, but no matter how hard he tried, it would eventually happen. Whether he was watching them peel the skin off his body, or piece his flesh again and again, or throw him to the ground and force themselves or objects into him to watch him writhe in agony…

It didn’t matter. He wouldn’t break. He refused to give them what they wanted. He was sure that every piece of him had been destroyed and repaired at some point. He’d lost his eyes numerous times, and he knew that his ears had been pierced more than once, but he lost count. He lost so much to so many of the people he called friends.

He kept hope though. The Vizard, Urahara, Orihime, Chad…and Uryū. The name sliced pain through him to think. Had he realized he was gone? Had he realized he was in pain? He would say their names in his sleep sometimes, and then everything would burn hot in his mind.

He only knew he wanted it to stop. He wanted to die.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Kon stepped off the train with Aiko and Seras. Seras smiled and took one of his hands while Aiko took the other. He nodded.

“You never wanted us to come with you,” Seras said in her gentle way. In a way, she reminded Kon of Orihime. She was a gentle soul with big brown eyes that cried easily. Of course, her large breasts had been what first got Kon’s attention, but it had been her smile that kept it.

“I’ve never wanted to come back,” he said with a smile at her. “But this is important.”

They approached the clinic and Kon took a breath. He knocked upon the door and when it swung open he blinked. It was Karin.

“Kon…” she hissed. “What are you doing here, Yuzu…” she muttered and winced.

“Karin! Who is it…oh! Anaki!” Kon heard and Aiko noted how sad he looked as a girl with brown hair pushed the dark-haired girl at the door aside.

She ran out and hugged Kon tightly. “Oh, Ichigo, Pop said you were so busy you couldn’t come! It’s a special day!”

Kon frowned and looked at Karin. “Oh?” he said and feigned a smile.

“Yes, silly Anaki! Today’s the day Karin graduates from the dojo!” she said with a smile at her sister. “But you are late! You missed everything! Come in! Who is this?” she said realizing that there were two others with him.

“Ah, Karin,” Kon said, gesturing to the dark haired girl. “And Yuzu, this is Aiko and Seras.”

“It is nice to meet you, Kon talks about you all the time!” Seras said and took Yuzu’s hand. Yuzu blinked and looked at Kon.

“Kon?” she asked. “Why does she call you that, Anaki?”

“A…” Kon stammered.

“A nickname, stupid,” Karin said and smacked Yuzu on the back of the head lightly. “You know what a nickname is don’t you?” She shuffled her sister into the house.

Kon sighed and followed the girls into the house. Behind him, Seras and Aiko exchanged a confused glance but followed.

“Pop! Ichigo’s here!” Yuzu yelled up the stairs. “He brought friends too!”

Karin turned and glared at Kon. Kon ran a hand over his head and looked away. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly before Yuzu came back with Isshin.

He looked surprised. “Ah, K…son!” he said and glanced at Karin and back to him. “Ah, what brings you to town?”

“Pop, he’s here to see Karin after her graduation, what do you think?” Yuzu said with a shake of her head. “I’ll go make tea and get some cookies for everyone!” he said and took off to the kitchen.

Immediately both Karin and Isshin stepped closer. Isshin spoke under his breath. “What are you doing here?”

“I came because…there’s something wrong…I don’t…” he stammered.

“You know what it does to see you. And Yuzu gets so excited, I can’t…if she finds out the truth, Kon, it will kill her!” Karin growled as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Kon sighed. “I shouldn’t have come,” he said and started to turn away.

Aiko though grabbed his arm. “Wait, what is happening? Does this have to do with that painting? That’s why you came, ai. Tell them. I know you didn’t want to come but you have to show them. You said it had to do with your stolen life, Kon.”

Isshin and Karin stared at him and back at Kon. “Does he know?”

Kon shook his head. “Not really, well yes and no. They know me as Kon, not Ichigo,” he said with a sigh as he turned the backpack around he was wearing. “But, no, I…I don’t remember painting this. At all. It was supposed to be his Shinigami form, not this. This is…isn’t like anything I’ve ever done,” he said as he turned the painting around.

Isshin took it. “You…why would you paint this?”

“I don’t know, I don’t even remember doing it!” he said with a frantic tone. “Something’s wrong, really wrong, and I can’t…I can’t understand why!”

“Fuck you people are so goddamned stupid,” came a voice from behind them.

Everyone turned and looked to see Grimmjow crouched on the back of the sofa, hands dangling between his knees, staring at them.

“What is that?” Seras gasped, putting both hands to her mouth and staring.

Isshin looked at her and Aiko, both staring at the Arrancar. “Oh…Kon, they’re spiritually aware?”

Kon shook his head. “I had no idea,” he muttered. “I’ve never changed bodies around them,” he said as he looked to Grimmjow. “What are you doing here? Aren’t you dead?”

Isshin had moved to put an arm in front of Karin.

Grimmjow snorted, reaching up to idly scratch his ear with his pinky. “Yo, if I wanted ya dead ya’d already be dead, idiots.”

No one relaxed much, but he hadn’t expected them to relax. “Look, fuck if I know what I came here for, but I fuckin’ know wrong when I see it. I can’t find the Woman so I came here, figured his daddy might know where she is.”

“Who?” Isshin said with a sinking feeling in his stomach.

 “Ichigo, baka. He’s in soul society by now. Broke as fuck, though. You might want to see if you can find that woman to try and fix him.”

“Ichigo is dead,” Kon whispered, staring at him. Behind him, Seras and Aiko had gripped each other’s hands but didn’t speak. “He died. They found his broken Zanpakutō. I’ve been in his body for five years now. He’s gone.”

“Stupid mod soul,” Grimmjow said, sighing and jumping off the back of the sofa to step forward with his hand shoved in his pocket. “You’re in his fucking body, idiot. And you haven’t felt anything?”

Kon shook his head. “I feel things, yeah, but I…”

Grimmjow pushed past him and grabbed the paining. “Well, that’s a pretty fucking good picture of him.”

Kon turned. “What?”

“What he looks like now, anyway,” he said. “Though a few more bruises around the cheeks, you know, maybe a few more things. Like you don’t have half the shit they used on him. Irons, knives, needles, hammers,” he said, touching each image as he spoke. “But there was more, of course. And you didn’t get the Kuchiki seal on the cuffs,” he said as he brushed a finger over the silver cuffs.”

“What are you talking about?” Isshin said. “You’re saying my son’s alive?”

“If you call it that,” Grimmjow said and handed the painting to the stunned looking Karin. “I mean, I was there when Aizen got back to Las Noches with him five years ago. He was so fucking proud of fooling you all. Making you think he and Ichigo were dead. Did a good job, took him the first year to resurrect the Espada, of course. But that’s when the real fun began. He loved to torture him, though. Fucker. Ain’t right, you know, I just wanted a chance to fight him, not what they turned him into.”

Isshin looked like he was unable to respond yet. “So, when Wonderweiss walked out of Las Noches with him today, I thought, fuck it. I’ll go tell the Woman to go see to him. I mean, maybe she can fix him. I don’t know. But she ain’t here, so I came here. Do what you want, gotta get back before fucking Aizen decides to have fucking Luppi crush my fucking nuts since he lost his favorite plaything.” He paused and sighed. “But ya should fuckin’ see if you can help him. He’s still fuckin’ in there, barely, he asked me a few times to kill him. And if he gets enough of himself back, he may do it himself.”

Grimmjow turned and before anyone could react, opened a garganta and was gone. Kon watched the spot. “He’s not dead. Ichigo’s not dead.”

Aiko and Seras realized as they stood there that there were family pictures. The two girls, one boy, and the father. Not two. “You aren’t a twin, are you?” Aiko whispered. “It wasn’t your twin that died five years ago.”

“What are you talking about? Who died?” Yuzu asked as she came out of the kitchen. She looked at the painting in Karin’s hands and then looked at her father who had tears streaming down his cheeks.

There was a knock at the door and Yuzu just sat the tray down and opened it to see Renji and Rukia standing there, trying to both look normal, but the moment they saw Isshin and Kon they exchanged a look.

“Is it true?” Kon said as he turned and looked at them. “Is he alive?”

Rukia glanced at the others in the room and nodded. “He…he’s alive. How did you…?” she started.

“Grimmjow,” Isshin said. “He came through to find Inoue to see if she could heal him. He said he had no idea why he just did.”

“I…I took Chad, Uryū, and Orihime through earlier, for the memorial service, but…but he’s there, well, sort of…” Rukia whispered and looked down.

“He said they tortured him.” Kon stared at her, hands balled into fists and vibrating.

Rukia nodded. “We…we don’t know everything yet.”

“Aizen did it. Aizen and the Espada. He resurrected them,” Kon continued. “And…no one knew? You looked for him. You said he was gone, there was no way…”

Renji nodded. “I know what we said, but we…he used perfect hypnosis again, and tricked us into thinking they were dead and then…he…he…” Renji stopped, choking on the words. “He made him think we did it.”

Isshin blinked. “What do you mean?”

“He thinks Nii-sama had him captive in Kuchiki Manor. And that we tortured him,” Rukia said. “He’s hurt, and his reiatsu is sealed by artificial means…and they told me…he’s not himself right now. He thinks that the people that hurt him were soul society, not Aizen. He used the complete hypnosis to convince him that all of soul society had turned on him. He’s afraid of everyone in Soul Society. And he can barely talk. We can’t reach him. He’s more damaged than we even know,” Rukia said quietly, looking at his hands instead of the others.”

Kon took a shaky breath. “Grimmjow said Inoue might be able to help him, maybe the only one that can fix the damage, whatever that means.”

“Unohana-taichou is working with Urahara-san and Kurotsuchi-taichou to see if Inoue can help remove the sealing cuffs from his arms. We think we might be able to reach him, but we aren’t sure,” Renji said with a sigh.

“What are these cuffs?” Isshin said, having gotten his emotions back under control.

Rukia spoke softly. “They…they grafted these reiatsu sealing cuffs onto him, practically to the bones in his forearms. They’re somehow connected into his nervous system; Urahara-san and Kurotsuchi-Taichou are trying to figure out how to remove them without killing him. But we’re not sure of the damage they’ve done. His…his long-term memory, all the higher thinking skills, those parts of his brain…they’re barely functioning, and we don’t know if they have been destroyed or simply suppressed.”

Karin surprised them by speaking. “Why would they do something like that?”

Renji closed his eyes. “See, like we said, we think Aizen used the hypnosis, convinced him that we…Kuchiki-Taichou, Rukia and me, were his tormentors. And later the rest of the captains and his friends from soul society. From what we can tell he wouldn’t break, so they used the cuffs on him to train him, like some kind of animal. He’s functioning…like…one.”

Isshin nodded. “I’ll leave my Gigai, Karin, I’m going to leave it to you to explain to Yuzu what’s happened,” he said as he went up the stairs and returned shortly in his shihakuso and haori.

“Can they come with me?” Kon asked.

Rukia nodded. “I have three hell butterflies, come.”

“If you want?” Kon asked, looking between Aiko and Seras.

“Kon, we’ll go with you wherever you need us to go,” Seras said as she leaned up and kissed his lips softly.

“You know this,” Aiko said, kissing his hand where he held it.

Together, they followed the Shinigami. He smiled, and nodded. “Thank you for trusting me.”

Aiko put his arm around Kon’s back. “We do more than trust you, we love you.”

Isshin, glanced behind him to hear them, curious as to what Kon had found when he left Karakura Town.


	3. Shatter His Soul

[Three Years Ago]

“He’s not breaking,” Ichigo heard as his eyes fluttered open.

“No. His will is too strong even still,” he heard and looked up.

He saw Byakuya and Mayuri beside standing over him. Mayuri’s face was adorned with his usual manic grin. Ichigo flinched, pushing away toward the corner of his mat away from them. It was pointless, of course, he was bound.

“Pet, we have some new bracelets for you,” Byakuya said, advancing until he reached out and yanked Ichigo’s arms forward. “These are special, like your collar,” he said, holding it up, displaying the Kuchiki clan seal carved into the silver metal.

Byakuya reached forward and unsnapped the cuffs that Ichigo was currently wearing. They fell to the floor with a heavy clink. Ichigo gasped as his power rushed back for a moment and he heard a vague voice in his head screaming at him to move, to run, quickly, he had to go.

Mayuri quickly replaced them with the new ones, though. Ichigo’s world burned hot. He stared as to his horror they began to sink into his flesh, seeming to melt the flesh and muscle underneath it. He tried to yank away but Mayuri had a death grip on his forearms above them, his fingers leaving bright purple bruises in the flesh. It burned, and he started to scream despite himself as the pain started to fire every nerve in his body. His head fell back and his body began to convulse violently. He could still hear, though, even though he had no control over his body.

“Hrm, he may die,” Mayuri muttered. Again, his voice was wrong. Ichigo couldn’t tell why it was wrong. “But if not, it will short out his nervous system the way we want it to do so. He should stop resisting so much in the next week or two. Make him repeat things to you, over and over, that’s how you’ll imprint it on him once his brain starts shutting down. He’ll become a shell, just the way you want.”

Byakuya snorted. “He had to make it difficult. He couldn’t just break on his own. Well, this will upset them even more, to see him like this, helpless and nothing but my, rather Byakuya’s willing Pet.”

Ichigo was fading in and out. Memories were slipping away rapidly. He was trying to hold to them, but he couldn’t stop them. It was like lightning lashing through his mind. Yuzu’s face flashed but it was gone, who was the girl with light brown hair again? The face was gone too. Then it was his father’s face but it was unfamiliar, and a line of faces flashed and disappeared. His body arched painfully, a sharp pain shooting through his head.

“Pet, you are pet, now, Ichigo is gone, pet, only pet,” he heard whispered in his ear.

Who was Ichigo? He thought as his brain spun out of control. Everything was crashing into each other and he was shivering as the hot breath on his neck kept whispering, reminding him he was a pet, he was their pet, and he would be their pet forever, he had no name, no name, and if he thought he did for a moment, he’d be punished, severely. He didn’t want to be punished. He wanted to be a good pet for his master. The face of Byakuya melded with the word master and there was no other in the world.

“Who are you?” the voice asked softly as his ringing ears finally could hear properly once more.

“Pet, Master’s good pet,” he whispered, the spark in his eyes gone completely. The fire was gone now, extinguished.

Renji stood at the doorway, a frown creasing his brow. This turn of events was not what he would consider appropriate. Fucking the Shinigami was one thing, but the fire every time, the fighting, scratching and biting no matter how many times he was beaten down, that was what drove the creature under Renji’s face. And what he was looking at was not the same thing anymore. He kept watching as the others left, as he lay on the mat, his body twitching every now and again as the cuffs that had imbedded into his wrists sent out a spark of power. Blood was seeping from the edges of them, and from his nose, mouth and ears. The look though, the look of complete emptiness, was unsettling. He couldn’t look anymore, and turned to leave.

Behind Renji’s face, he watched. He did as he was told, taking the boy when he was told to punish him, but always felt sick afterward when before his dominance gave him a rush over the enemy who deemed to look on him with such looks in his eyes. Now, he left the room, wanting to retch. It wasn’t his enemy anymore. He wasn’t even sure what that was. It might as well have been his human body, the soul gone.

Still the one that appeared to be Renji watched. “Kill me,” he whispered so softly that he almost missed it. “Please…kill me…”

The man behind the mask of Renji Abarai almost complied, but as he was about to squeeze that thin column of flesh hard enough to snap it, he heard the door open and he relented, leaving heavy, black bruising above the ever-present collar. He gasped hard. He was aware at some level. He knew. And somehow, that left the monster above him feel even sicker. He finished his job and stumbled out of the room. They had said he shouldn’t remember anything; only what he was trained to remember. But if he was able to summon the thought to request he kill him, that meant that he was still in there. Somewhere, the vibrant fighter that never backed down, was in there, begging to be released, if only in death.

Grimmjow walked past Wonderweiss who stood outside the door waiting for Szayel to leave. He almost continued but then he turned back in thought. He turned and put a hand on the small Arrancar’s shoulder.

“He’s going to die one day.”

Wonderweiss had watched him leave with his head tilted to the side. When Szayel left, he went into the room again. To him, of course, the room was one of the typical white colored rooms of Las Noches. Ichigo was chained in a corner and the rest of the room was filled with Szayel’s equipment to make sure he didn’t die. He went and sat down beside his limp form. Tears were streaming from his eyes again.

“Friend?” he said quietly.

“No friends for Pet,” Ichigo’s quiet voice responded. “No friends or monsters…”

Wonderweiss sighed and ran a hand over Ichigo’s head. “Pet, then,” he said. “I’ll help you,” he said with a different voice than his normal one. “I will help you, when I have enough power,” he said. “I can’t yet. But I will.”

Another three years would pass before Wonderweiss entered the room with his friend. Aizen had been angry about something, and had abused him terribly with Ulquiorra and Nnoitra. He could still smell the tang of burnt flesh and the copper smell of blood. He reached up and unlocked the collar and put it down beside the chains as he quickly unhooked them. He sighed and saw that they had put a dark blanket over him. The small Arrancar nodded to himself as he rolled Ichigo’s slack body into the blanket, and picked him up carefully. He was light, and he smiled to himself. He would help his Pet friend.

Grimmjow saw Wonderweiss walk past the gates and out into the sands with the bundle. He was curious but part of him knew already what he was doing. He smiled. The explosion from Aizen would be huge. He snorted. He’d rather not be around for that. He got up and wandered outside Las Noches himself, flicking his own garganta open to the World of the Living and stepping through.

After some time looking for the Woman he instead followed the reiatsu that matched Ichigo’s father. He had only sensed it briefly, but it was easy enough to detect. They were distracted when he entered the house through the window and waited while they debated things. He swore every one of these people was an idiot…

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Kon gripped Aiko and Seras’s hands tighter as they followed Renji and Rukia through the Dangai. They had stopped quickly at Urahara’s to leave their Gigai, and Kon had taken a few moments to explain a little about what had been happening. Isshin followed behind them as they moved quickly through it. They exited and Renji and Rukia led them to the fourth division.

Isshin led them into the waiting area where Orihime, Chad, and Uryū waited. They all stood when the group entered.

“Kurosaki-san,” Uryū said and nodded.

“Anything more than what Rukia and Renji know?” Isshin asked and realized that all the others were staring at Kon and his companions. “Oh, I’m sorry, um, Seras and Aiko, correct?” Isshin said looking toward them.

Kon nodded. “Yeah, um, this is Uryū Ishida, Chad, or Yasudora Sado, and Orihime Inoue. This is Aiko and Seras Sato. Um, they’re…ah….” Kon blushed and wasn’t sure how to explain it. “My…significant others…” he settled on as the two of them grabbed his hands.

Orihime blinked. “Like…both?” she asked, a blush rising to her own cheeks.

“Yeah,” Seras said and leaned up and kissed Kon’s cheek. “We met him about three years ago, and we couldn’t help it. He won’t come live with us, but I think I understand why now,” she said with a gentle smile.

“Well, I can’t…you know…just commit with a body that isn’t mine,” Kon muttered and looked away.

Uryū smiled, though. “Kon, you know that Ichigo would want you to be happy, even if it is in his human body.”

“But he’s alive, so now…I won’t have a body anymore, and I’ll be stuck in that stupid stuffed lion,” Kon muttered.

“I would keep you close if you were a stuffed lion, Kon,” Aiko said and put an arm around his shoulders. “It doesn’t matter what body you are in, we’ll still love you. The body is nice, but not why we love you.”

“I’m sure we can arrange a new body for you, Kon,” Urahara said as he came into the room. “Come speak with me and I’ll see about making a Gigai appropriate for you. If you wish, of course,” he said with a smile.

“Yes! Anything but that stuffed lion!” Kon said, eyes going wide. “I’m kinda used to this one, but…”

“Maybe we can make it look almost, but not quite the same, so you don’t feel like a copy of Ichigo,” Urahara said and glanced around at them.

Kon nodded and glanced between Aiko and Seras. “Can…can I see him?”

“I’d rather only a few at a time, so why don’t you and Isshin come with me, so we can start easy on him. Yoruichi, Shinji, and I tried earlier, but the results were…mixed.”

Urahara led them down the hall and stopped. “Um, Unohana-taichou, why is the Arrancar in the room with Ichigo?”

Unohana came out, looking confused and realized that Wonderweiss was lying in the bed with Ichigo, holding Ichigo’s head against his chest. “Uh, he’s supposed to be in a secure room…”

Wonderweiss looked up at them. “Pet friends?” he asked as he sat up. Ichigo stirred beside him.

Urahara gave a shrug. “He did breech the Dangai and get him here alone, maybe he has some sort of powers we don’t know of. No matter.”

“Wonderweiss, right?” Urahara asked as he brought Kon and Isshin into the room.

He nodded. “Pet?” he said, frowning as he stared at Kon. “Not Pet. But Pet?”

“Kon is a soul, inside Ichigo’s human body,” Urahara said.

Wonderweiss nodded and slipped off the bed to sit in the chair nearby. “Watch Pet Friends.”

Urahara nodded and moved forward to speak to Ichigo. “Ichigo?” he asked.

Ichigo had been disturbed by Wonderweiss moving, so he looked up at Urahara. Of course, his proximity was close, so Ichigo once again went scrambling off the bed toward the back of the room. Urahara sighed, but watched as Wonderweiss went after him, sitting down beside him.

“Shush, Pet,” he whispered and put his arm around Ichigo’s shoulders as he stared at the three people in the room.

Isshin came forward slowly and knelt. “Ichigo?” he asked.

“No!” Ichigo said, frowning. “No, no, no, no. No! Gone, that gone, can’t…Pet, master pet, monster…” he muttered, shaking his head.

Beside him, Wonderweiss stroked a hand over his head and hushed him again.

“Son, it’s your father. Remember?” Isshin tried, eyes starting to mist already.

“No, no,” he muttered and put his hands over his head. “Not real, no,” he said as he squeezed his eyes shut.

Isshin stood up and left quickly, passing the others to get outside. Kon moved forward, kneeling in his jeans and the plain t-shirt.

“It…It’s Kon,” he said. “Remember? I’m in your human body, I came to see you, so you can…”

Ichigo looked up, eyes locking on his own and he reached out immediately and shoved Kon backward.

“No!” he screamed this time, much louder than before.

Kon fell back and stared as he covered his head with his arms and began rocking back and forth. He looked up to see both Aiko and Seras standing in the doorway. Kon scrambled to his feet and walked out past them with his head down. The couple turned and followed him out. Urahara stood with his arms crossed, and glanced at the other three.

“He’s already agitated, so the rest of you, we can see if we can get anything out of him.”

Orihime twisted her hands together as she looked at him. “Should I try…”

“Don’t try anything yet, Orihime-san,” Urahara said with a shake of his head. “We really don’t know how deeply the effects go, and we’re not sure exactly how much is physical damage, how much is soul damage, and how much psychological. I’m beginning to see there is a lot of all three.”

He motioned them forward but stopped outside the door. “Whatever you do, please, do not try and touch him. It seems the Arrancar is the only one so far that doesn’t trigger panic. People he doesn’t know, like the healers, he’ll tolerate them to a degree, but not to actually touch him.”

The three exchanged looks. Urahara focused on Orihime. “Please, I know you’ll want to hug him, but don’t, really. It won’t be a favorable encounter for either of you. You saw how he reacted to just talking to Kon and Kurosaki-san. The amount of abuse he’s gone through…I honestly can’t say if he’ll ever stand anyone touching him again. Anything that requires Unohana to come into physical contact with him is requiring a sleeping kido to be applied to him.”

All three nodded, worried beyond all else about what they were walking into. They followed Urahara into the dim room. The Arrancar sat against the back wall with his arm around Ichigo’s shoulders. He was sitting with his arms over his head and making a strange keening sound as he rocked.

“Ichigo? I brought friends to see you again,” Urahara said.

The lights were dimmed, and they could see his back was to them, orange hair wild and much longer than it had been, in fact it nearly reached down to the middle of his back and stuck out everywhere in a dingy flat color. It was still matted and dirty. He didn’t move. Urahara moved forward. “Ichigo, I brought Uryū-san…Chado-san…and Orihime-san to see you.”

There was still no response. Urahara sighed and looked at the Arrancar. Wonderweiss shook Ichigo’s shoulders. “Pet friends,” Wonderweiss said softly.

Ichigo’s head popped up and he looked around. “Master come see pet?” he gasped, and not seeing him, focused at the three new people in the room.

Urahara kneeled before him. “I’m sorry, Ichigo, some more of your friends are here.”

Ichigo looked up at them and shook his head. “No friends, no friends for Pet, Master says.”

“Ichigo, you have friends, remember?” Urahara said gently.

Ichigo pulled his knees to his chest even tighter. “Master punish Pet for friends, no,” he said, looking around again.

“Ichigo, we’re going to see if you can remember them, okay? Like earlier? Can you do that?” Urahara said softly.

The frightened shinigami shook his head, and started slapping his head. “No, no memory, gone, all gone. Master said no memory.”

Urahara wanted to reach out and grab his hand but knew better. He didn’t want him to hurt himself. Wonderweiss however reached up and pulled his hands down. Ichigo didn’t even look at him as he did it, Urahara realized.

“We’re going to try anyway.”

He motioned the others over who were very still and shocked. “One at a time, okay?”

Inoue kneeled first staring at him, her eyes brimming already. She started to reach out, but Ichigo flinched away violently, slamming the back of his head to the wall. She drew back her hand as though it had been burned. “Kurosaki-kun?” she whispered.

He looked up and stared at her, his eyes wide and flickering back and forth over her. “Please, Kurosaki-kun, you remember me?” He was still, though, putting a hand to his neck unconsciously, feeling for the collar that should have been there.

“In-in…” he stammered then started hitting his head again, rocking again. “No, no, bad name, no bad name, punish pet, bad name…bad pet.”

Urahara looked at Orihime then waved Uryū forward. Uryū couldn’t believe his eyes. Ichigo was thin and drawn, starved it seemed, and bruises covered every inch of exposed flesh or cuts and scars. Uryū frowned as he saw Ichigo drumming his fingers across his knees. Wonderweiss was watching him closely with those haunting purple eyes. For some reason he seemed to focus intensely on Uryū.

“Good grief, Urahara-san, how many times have his hands been broken?” Uryū whispered, seeing how oddly all of his fingers sat.

Urahara sighed. “We’re not sure. But every bone in his hands has been broken at least twice. In fact, I’m not sure there’s a bone on him that hasn’t been fractured, but I haven’t gone over the bone scans in detail yet. We do know he’s missing two of his lower ribs, one from each side.”

Uryū looked at Urahara in earnest shock. “Missing?” he whispered in abject horror. He shook his head and looked at Ichigo. “Ichigo? Do you know me? It’s Uryū…”

As soon as Uryū spoke his name Wonderweiss smiled at him. “Uryū friend!”

Uryū arched a brow and shoved his glasses up his nose and stared at the blank look in Ichigo’s eyes. Ichigo’s eyes flickered and then he stared at the raven-haired friend, frowning. He then reached out a shaking hand and touched Uryū’s sleeve where his hand rested over his knee. Ichigo’s fingers brushed at Uryū’s wrist for a second and made the Quincy cross fall out and dangle. Ichigo stared at it, head tilted, and for a second, Ishida swore a flicker of recognition crossed his face, then he snapped his hand back and chewed on the nail.

“No, no, bad name, bad pet.”

Uryū stood and moved back, allowing Chad to kneel, Chad who was one of Ichigo’s oldest friends. Chad unhooked the coin around his neck and held it out to Ichigo. Ichigo reached forward tentatively and looked at it, fingers hovering over it until he touched it. “Ch-ch…” he whispered staring at it then again snapped his hand back like he was burned. “No, bad pet, bad name, bad pet, punish pet…”

He covered his head and rocked back and forth. “Please Master, please Master…”

Urahara sighed. He stared at the Arrancar who just seemed to be watching Uryū intently and then spoke to Ichigo. “Ichigo, what does master do to you?”

He looked up and blinked slowly. “Master punish pet. Master teach pet. Master love pet.”

“Ichigo, what do those things mean?” he continued, finding this one of the more lucid times.

Despite the three who were behind him, he couldn’t let the chance to receive information. They needed the information in order to know how to treat him. As it was, they were blindly treating his physical symptoms, but doing nothing for what was happening to his mind.

“Master teach,” he said and pointed to a large bruise on his arm. “Others teach pet to be good pet. Teach Pet. Good Pet.”

Urahara nodded. “So, he would hurt you when he did this? He hit you?”

He shook his head. “Master teach!”

“And what else, Ichigo?” he asked quietly.

“Master punish bad pet,” he said softly. “Other punish bad pet. Bad pet. Monster.”

Urahara frowned. “If this,” he said, pointing to the bruising on his arm he’d gestured to. “This is teaching, what his punishing?”

Ichigo frowned and lifted the yukata, causing Orihime to turn away from his nakedness. He ran his fingers of the burn marks and the places where the skin had been flayed away. He looked up at Urahara and nodded. “Punish bad pet.”

Urahara nodded. “You said he loved you?”

Ichigo nodded. “Master love pet. Bad pet love punish. Good pet love not punish.”

Even Uryū understood that statement and turned away to hide the grimace on his face. Urahara nodded. “How?”

Wonderweiss looked at Urahara directly then. “He made him hurt.”

Urahara blinked and looked at him. The Arrancar’s voice even had changed from when he was speaking monosyllabically. “What?”

“He used things. And told him he loved him. Told him that his love was special. But if he was bad he made his love hurt him so much. His love was not love,” Wonderweiss said sadly, brushing a hand over Ichigo’s head. “Pet friend doesn’t understand.”

Urahara bit his lip. “You were there for a lot of it.”

“Pet friend,” Wonderweiss said, his voice returning to the strange sound.

Suddenly, Ichigo’s fingers began to dig at his throat. He was looking around desperately. “Is master mad? Master mad. Pet collar gone. Master punish pet,” he whispered, looking for his master.

“Ichigo, please, you have no master, you’re safe now,” Urahara said with an exasperated sigh. “We’re all your friends.”

Ichigo stared at him for a long moment. “No! No friends for pet, no friends for monsters, monsters are dirty, monsters disgusting, monsters used, trash,” he whispered, beginning to rock back and forth. “Master said monsters need punished.”

“Ichigo, you aren’t a monster,” Orihime said softly. “You never have been.”

He looked at them, shaking his head violently, as if trying to dislodge the thought. “No, can’t…can’t…hurts to try, hurts to try…can’t think…”

Urahara stood up. “Okay, Ichigo, that’s enough for now. Will you let me get you into bed? I’ll have to touch you to do it.”

He looked up with wide eyes and thought about it, then shook his head. Wonderweiss, though, stood up with him. Ichigo stood with a somewhat surprised look, but did so without resistance. Ichigo’s knees nearly bucked under him as the covers slipped down. He’d been dressed in loose shorts and a loose shirt, but the shorts rode low on his hips, and there was an audible gasp from Orihime as her eyes fell on the still deep purple bruises on his hip, large finger marks in the flesh blossoming out. When he’d lifted the cover earlier, she hadn’t looked long enough to see them, none of them had. He wobbled slightly as Wonderweiss led him to the bed. He sat down and Wonderweiss gently pushed his shoulder to let him lay flat. Ichigo stared at the ceiling, then rolled over, curling up on himself, pulling his knees to his chest and clutching the pillow. Wonderweiss knelt beside the bed and rested his chin by Ichigo’s face.

“How did he live through this?” Ishida said, his eyes on his back now, striped with various degrees of healing bandages, some coming loose, others soaked through already. The bruising on his lower back was even more apparent in that position, extending up from the band of the shorts he was wearing. Ishida stared at his legs, chewing his lip as he could see the distinct striping of healed burns better now.

Urahara reached over and dropped the cover over him, and Ichigo grabbed it and pulled it tight. He resisted the urge to touch his head, only swallowing and walking out, the others following him to be met by Unohana on the outside of the room.

“You did well, Urahara-san. Each bit of information is helpful, and I don’t know what will be left once we get the cuffs off,” she said. “I’m sure now we can remove them, but I’m not sure what will be left when we do.”

Uryū glanced back where Wonderweiss was stroking his head. “We should find out who Ichigo thinks hurt him in Soul Society so we can figure out who can help him.”

Without another word he went back in the room and looked at Wonderweiss. “We need to know who he thinks hurt him.”

Wonderweiss looked up and shook his head. “Faces?”

Uryū nodded and came out. “Is there something with the captains and lieutenants photos on it? Maybe the Arrancar can point out those we need to keep away from Ichigo.”

Urahara nodded. “That’s good thinking, Uryū-san.”

A few minutes later, Uryū took a folder into the room where Wonderweiss had left Ichigo sleeping on the bed and sat down on the floor beside him. He was watching the door as though guarding him, he realized.

“Okay, can you point to the ones that Ichigo will be scared of? I’m not even going to ask how you know this…” Uryū said.

“I saw,” Wonderweiss said with a smile. “Through Pet Friend’s eyes.”

He pointed to Unohana. “Drugs.” Then he pointed to Ukitake. “Needles.” Next he pointed to Kyōraku. “Water.” His fingers hovered and he pointed to Zaraki. “Love and pain.” Uryū flinched a bit. He stopped on Kurotsuchi. “Heal and pokes.” He pointed to Byakuya. “Master.” He looked around then stopped on Ōmaeda. “Hammer crunch.” He wiggled his fingers for emphasis and then pointed to Soi Fon and made a face and crossed his legs. “Pain,” he muttered and rubbed between his legs for a second. Uryū winced. He touched Ikkaku. “Cuts and dripping drinks.” His finger slid to Yumichika. “Peeling.” He touched Renji. “Love and pain. And burns,” he said as he touched Rukia’s picture. He looked up, then touched Toshiro. “One visit, no more.”

Uryū felt a bit ill as he stood up and went out and spoke with Unohana. She sighed. “As difficult as this is, there is some good. We can get those that he wasn’t tormented with to help us.”

She summoned Isane. “Can you retrieve Komamura-taichou, Hisagi-fukutaichou, and Kira-fukutaichou? Just on the off chance we need someone of lieutenant or higher to help with him. Even with his reiatsu sealed…we can’t be too safe with him.”

Isane nodded. “Of course, Taichou.”  Unohana excused herself to continue working on some possible solutions.

Just as she left, they saw Byakuya coming toward them. Despite the stoic expression, all present could feel he was furious. “What have we found out, Urahara-san?”

Urahara sighed. “I think I’ve deciphered what some of the things he’s saying might mean. He keeps saying that he was taught, punished, and loved. He shows us bruising when he says teaching, and he shows us the things like his burns and where the skin has been stripped off his body as punishments. I would guess that when he was trained to do and say things they wanted, he was beaten. When he transgressed, the more intense things were done. We’ve determined who he perceived as his tormenters, thanks to that Arrancar and Uryū’s idea to ask him. Hey says that he was ‘love punished’ for being bad, and ‘love not punished’ when he wasn’t bad. The Arrancar indicated that he was violently assaulted often, and also that he suffered genital torture as well,” Urahara said with a sigh. “I am certain that what he thinks of as ‘love’ has to do with sexual tortures.”

Byakuya bit his lip, and nodded. “So when he says that…” he tapered off, not even able to continue the thought. “How often did this occur, has Unohana determined the extent?”

Urahara sighed. “She estimates daily, perhaps more, due to the amount of current and healed damage. The amount of internal scarring is pretty severe. They healed him, but apparently didn’t care if scars were left behind.”

Urahara noticed the clenched fists at the side of Byakuya. “He used my face to do that to him. Me.”

If it weren’t such a serious situation, Urahara might have snickered because the image of Byakuya as a wild tempered young man flashed through his mind. “He did, and I don’t know how we’re going to get him to see you in any other way. Your image, your voice, is melded so deeply with his concept of his Master that it may never be possible to convince him any different.”

“Master?” came a soft voice from the doorway down the hallway. Byakuya looked up to see Ichigo standing in the doorway, staring at him wide eyed. Wonderweiss was obviously trying to get him to stay in the room, hands on his shoulders and muttering at him.

Urahara groaned under his breath. He’d been asleep, he was sure of it, before he’d even covered him with the sheets. Ichigo ran toward Byakuya and dropped to his knees. He was gasping at the legs of his hakama and burying his face into the fabric.

“Master mad at pet!” he cried out. “Punish pet, bad pet, master!”

Byakuya gulped, feeling the hands gripping his legs through the hakama. “Ichigo, please, stop!” he said, perhaps too loudly, because then Ichigo looked up, eyes wide and full of tears. “Master mad! Pet love Master, Master happy.” he gasped and dropped his eyes but began to press more into Byakuya’s legs, hands reaching up and groping through his hakama, grasping his crotch.

Byakuya’s eyes couldn’t have widened any more as he pushed Ichigo back, blinking. “What are you doing?”

“Love Master, master mad…” he said, looking up confused, hands tangled in the fabric of Byakuya’s hakama near the waist.

Urahara kneeled and took Ichigo’s hand. “Ichigo, Byakuya does not want to do that to you anymore.”

Ichigo looked like he was about to hyperventilate. “But…but…Master doesn’t want pet! Pet bad, master leave Pet!”

Urahara grabbed a healer walking by. “Bring me Unohana-Taichou, quickly!” He couldn’t use the kido himself because he was trying to keep Ichigo from bolting.

Wonderweiss had come out and took Ichigo’s hand from Urahara. He was trying to calm the gasping and panicking boy, but to no avail as Ichigo cried out and beat his hands on his head. Unohana came out and blinked at the scene and frowned toward Byakuya but noticing the horrified look on his face, she opted to not give him the stare of death she was well known for. She knelt and pressed a hand to his head. Ichigo was too panicked to realize he was being touched before the kido washed over him and slumped into Wonderweiss’s arms. To their surprise, the Arrancar picked him up and took him back to the room, this time shutting the door behind them.

“If we don’t do something soon, there’s going to be no saving him,” Urahara said as he watched them go, sighing.

There was silent agreement. Unohana looked at him seriously. “Have you and Kurotsuchi-Taichou come up with anything for the cuffs other than my idea to sever his arms at the elbow?”

“We may have. But to do it we’re going to have to put him into a death state, which is in itself risky if we can’t revive him. Removing them while he’s ‘alive’ will rip apart the entire nervous system. But it feeds on his energy, so if he is technically ‘dead’, they will no longer be active, and I should be able to extract them. But we must do it quickly. I’d like to have Orihime-san on hand to heal his arms once I take them off. Then we’ll need to assess how much organic brain damage there has been. I’m hoping though that once his inner hollow can become active, he may be of some assistance healing it. He has instant regeneration from what Shinji has said,” Urahara said softly.

Unohana nods. “But won’t the cuffs feed off the ambient energy and everyone else’s reiatsu?”

He nodded. “They would, but I intend to do this within a dampening field.”

“How will I help heal him, if I can’t use my powers?” Orihime asked softly, her face still somewhat shocked looking from seeing the incident with Ichigo and Byakuya.

Urahara nodded to her. “You will be outside the field, with your flower fairies ready. The moment I have extracted the cuffs, Kurotsuchi drops the field and you heal the wounds left from them, and bring him back from the brink. I’m hoping that your shield is strong enough to pull this off, but we have no choice now. If he doesn’t get some function of his mind back…”


	4. Shatter His Spirit

The night of waiting was perhaps harder than most of them expected. Rukia invited Isshin, Kon and his two lovers, Orihime, Uryū and Chad to Kuchiki manor where they could stay until the next morning. They had to do something and they all knew it. Isshin wandered the halls until he found Byakuya standing and staring out over the pond from one of the open doorways.

“Shiba-san,” Byakuya said as he came into the room with him. “Are you unwell?” he asked without turning around.

“I should ask you the same, Kuchiki-san.”

Byakuya turned and stared at the ex-captain. “What do you mean? Your son is the one that has been victimized, no doubt because of his becoming involved in Soul Society as he did.”

Isshin smiled softly. “Ah, were it ever that simple,” he said with a sigh. “You suffered at Sōsuke’s hands as well.”

“Nothing was done to me.”

“But there was, Byakuya,” Isshin said as he stepped up to lean back against the wall and looked at the noble. “Always so tightly in control these days, huh?” he asked with a smirk. “I think it’s a façade. That hot-headed boy is still in there somewhere,” he said with a sigh.

Byakuya nodded slowly. “To…know that my likeness was used to rape and torture someone I have such respect for…”

“And care about?” Isshin said softly.

Byakuya turned a narrowed glance on him. “What do you mean by that, Shiba?” he asked.

“You know, I’m not going to say what I mean, because you know already. Look…Byakuya, just…don’t leave things alone. You mean a lot to him, and the fact that Sōsuke used you to do this…he knew that. I don’t mean you have to do anything at all, Byakuya. Just don’t walk away from him.”

Isshin turned and headed out of the room to leave Byakuya to his thoughts. He found his way to Kon’s room where he was lying with his head in Aiko’s lap while Seras fixed tea for him. Kon looked at him as he leaned against the doorway.

“How are you, Kon?” he asked with a smile.

“Well enough,” he said with a sigh.

“Oh, could you find out from Rukia what time we’re leaving? I forgot to ask...she also said she had something to give you,” Isshin said with a smile.

Kon nodded, standing and heading out. Isshin watched him go and turned to the couple in the room.

“Why is it that two humans are so unbothered by learning of the existence of Shinigami and crossing worlds to visit the realm of spirits?” he asked with a hard look at them both. “And two humans that find out their lover isn’t actually human but a modified soul meant to kill hollow spirits? How is it two humans view a full Espada level Arrancar and barely flinch?”

Aiko and Seras exchanged a glance across the room with wide eyes. “Um,” Aiko began but Isshin waved a hand at him.

“Kon may only inhabit my son’s body, but he has also become like a son to me over the last seven years. I have watched as he became his own person as he changed from pretending to be my son to learning to be himself. Now. I want to know what this all means. Kon is far too upset by things to even consider this,” Isshin said with a narrowed glance at them.

Aiko sighed and looked at Seras who nodded. “We…we’re like the tall one, Yasutora. We’re Fullbringers. I…we…knew that Kon wasn’t like normal humans when we met him, and he was so sad. We ran into him accidently the first time, when he had a small fight with a minor hollow. Our…our powers are hidden, that is one of my abilities, masking. I…I can mask spiritual energy. We…I hide Kon’s too. At least until we came to see you since we figured you might find it odd if you couldn’t sense him.”

Isshin nodded slowly. “Take care of him. He’s impulsive, and he’s been through more than you can imagine after what was done to his soul to make him what he is.”

Isshin turned and walked past Kon as he came out carrying a box of candy. Isshin smirked, pausing at the next room. He glanced it to see Chad, Uryū and Orihime had all chose places for the mats they were sleeping on.

“Everyone settled?” he asked as he looked around.

“I’m so nervous, Kurosaki-san! What if Kurosaki-kun doesn’t live through what we’re going to do?” she asked, looking at him with desperate eyes.

“We move on, Orihime, just like we did before,” Isshin said with a gentle smile at her. He glanced to see Uryū seemed pensive. “You okay, Uryū?”

“I’m just…the fact he’s still alive, I don’t…we could have kept looking. Five years. How…how could we have stopped looking?” he asked and chewed his lip thoughtfully.

Isshin sighed. “There’s something you should know, Uryū, just because I think tonight it is important. Ichigo’s mother was a Quincy, Masaki Kurosaki. And we honestly have no idea what that means for him now that this has happened. Aizen would have known about it. Aizen was the one that had her killed, I believe.”

Uryū stared at him. “How can he be…he doesn’t have Quincy powers, does he?”

“Not that we’re aware of, but he does have Quincy blood,” Isshin said. He glanced at the ever stoic Chad and just nodded. “Rest, all of you. Tomorrow will be a test of our strength, no matter the result.”

Isshin turned and went to the room he’d been given. He sat down and stared otside at the moon and hoped that he would be able to save his son.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

The morning came far too soon for everyone involved. Unohana went to retrieve Ichigo as the warded area was erected in a small out building near the fourth. Kurotsuchi and Urahara had spent much of the night working on it with some help from the rest of the twelfth division. Most of the dealings between Urahara and Kurosuchi were amenable, but there were a few clashes of power. Unohana found Wonderweiss was sitting on the bed trying to comb the mess that Ichigo’s hair was in. Ichigo was staring into the wall blankly. Wonderweiss looked up and smiled at her.

“We’re taking him to take the cuffs off,” she explained. She looked over to see that Shūhei and Kira had come as she had asked. Komamura had taken last night’s watch over Ichigo. “Can you get him up, Wonderweiss?” she asked with a smile.

Wonderweiss nodded and manhandled Ichigo off the bed easily enough. He didn’t seem bothered by it, though, letting Wonderweiss drag him by the arm as they went out of the fourth to the out building. Kira and Shūhei exchanged a glance but followed Unohana and the Arrancar as they led Ichigo. He didn’t look up, just stared at the ground. They got him into the building and into the bed. Ichigo’s eyes widened as he stared at the unfamiliar area.

“Pet, still,” Wonderweiss said and knelt beside him.

Ichigo nodded and looked around as Urahara came into the area around the bed that was marked with a wide circle around the bed. He attached monitors to Ichigo with Wonderweiss helping him. He sighed and looked around. Around the outside of the circle, it seemed everyone had come. Kon and his lovers, Uryū, Chad, Isshin, Rukia, Renji, and Byakuya all stood watching. Of course Orihime stood beside Kurotsuchi near the edge of the bed. Urahara looked around.

 “Okay, no one, and I mean no one, enter the shielded area, no matter what. The monitors will flat line, and he’ll technically be dead for a few moments. And he’s going to bleed a lot until Inoue-san can heal the wounds. I’m hoping that she can reject it, but I’m not entirely certain that she will be able to do something because of the way this is tied into his very soul essence. I have to make sure that those cuffs are deactivated, and contained before I remove the dampening field around them,” Urahara explained.

Everyone around him looked nervous, but then, killing someone on purpose like this was never a happy prospect. He took a breath and injected a greenish liquid into Ichigo’s arm. Ichigo looked at his arm in surprise. Wonderweiss was holding his hand though, so he didn’t try and get away.  Urahara waited and picked up a tool to cut the metal with. After a few moments, Ichigo’s eyes widened and his breath started to quicken. He looked around him in an apparent panic for a second. Then his eyes rolled up and his body jerked violently for a few moments. The line on the monitor went flat. Urahara counted to ten, and then began to cut the metal from his wrists. He winced to see how deeply embedded the metal had become, knowing he was about to pull out muscle tissue with the cuffs. He cut through both of them, rivulets of blood flowing down to make a wide pool on the floor.

Once the metal was cut through, he had to rip them out of his flesh. He didn’t have time to be careful or to try and surgically remove them. He had to be quick. He grimaced and ripped the first one off, blood spraying all over him as he did so. His stomach lurched to feel it splatter on his face. He groaned, tossing the cursed object to the floor and did the same with the other side, a similar gush of red meeting him. He bit his lip as he picked both cuffs up and deposited them in a sealing container, ignoring the bits of tissue that had clung to them.

“Inoue-san, now,” he gasped, dropping the barrier as she let her sun sun riki go, covering him with the golden shield. Wonderweiss had moved to stand away from Ichigo when Urahara began working and now stared with his purple eyes wide.

They all watched the monitors for signs of life returning. Urahara picked up another syringe and plunged the pinkish liquid into his neck. There was a blip on the monitor. Then another. And another. Soon, a slow and steady rhythm beat on the monitor, and his breathing became regular. After nearly an hour, Orihime sank to her knees, the shield shattering. The wounds weren’t healed completely, but the blood had quit gushing. Unohana did what she could and wrapped Ichigo’s wrists with thick bandages.

After everything was stabilized, Unohana took Ichigo back to his room. Wonderweiss went with him, taking up a constant vigil by his side to wait. Unohana insisted on a regular twenty-four-hour watch. Now, they could only wait.

Uryū and Chad left the next day to return to school, and a few days later Isshin left with Kon, Aiko, and Sera. They had asked to be informed of any changes, and Urahara promised to let them all know the moment anything changed. Isshin had also asked Kon’s friends to come stay with them. He had a lot of things to talk to both his girls, Kon, and his lovers about.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

When they came into the house, Yuzu and Karin both came to them. Yuzu still looked a little shocked. Kon sat down across from her and Aiko and Seras on either side of him. They both grabbed his hands as he looked at her.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you I wasn’t him,” he said and looked at her.

Yuzu nodded. “So…you were in this?” she said and held up the lion.

Kon glanced at Isshin before he took it and sighed. He glanced at Aiko. “Reach in my mouth, back of the throat, little green sphere…pull it out.”

Aiko nodded, doing as he asked. The second he pulled, Kon’s body slumped lifelessly into the sat. Seras caught him, frowning. Isshin took the green sphere and pressed it into the mouth of the lion plushie.

“I hate this damn thing! Okay, can I leave now?” the lion said as he stood up and put his hands on his hips. “Everyone got it now? Okay, good, Aiko, put me back in that body!”

Aiko smirked. “You’re kinda cute that way, Kon. Maybe we could keep you in there for a bit.”

Kon growled and flew at Aiko, slapping him with stuffed lion paws. Aiko laughed out loud then plucked the sphere and put it back into Ichigo’s body. Kon sat up and snorted, grabbing the lion and poking it. “I hate that thing.”

“I can’t believe that you were in there…” Yuzu said, taking it back.

“Not all the time,” Kon said. “Sometimes I was in here when Ichigo was gone to Soul Society or something,” he said with a shrug. “When he didn’t come back…I stayed so no one would know Ichigo was dead. Karin knew, she could sense that it wasn’t the same spirit energy as Ichigo’s.”

Isshin sighed. “I never wanted you girls to find out this way, not about Ichigo, me, or your mother. But I think that it’s time for all the truth to come out.”

It was almost three am before Isshin Shiba had finished his tale.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Time seemed to tick by slowly as various people took up watches, two hours at a time. Rukia realized very quickly what an impact the orange haired Shinigami substitute’s return had on the people of soul society. He seemed to be stable, from what they could tell, but Unohana said she could detect no change in the activity of his brain. Once he regained consciousness, Urahara would try to do what he could, but there were no guarantees. No one knew exactly what would happen when he awoke. And before they knew it, two weeks had passed with no changes. His body had begun to heal fully, and the healing teams of the fourth set about doing what they could to correct the badly mended bones throughout his body. The worst had been his hands. Finally, after almost a week of intense healing, they manage to return them to a somewhat normal state. It was a blessing he had slept through the bone mending procedures, though. They would have been painful.

His wrists had been another story. Even after Orihime’s magic, they had wept blood for several days, and it had taken her several times to get them to heal enough to stop being open wounds. Her magic usually rejected any wounds and removed almost all scars. Except these. No matter what she did, the wounds on his forearms would not go away, and it had been Unohana that had finally mended the worst of the damage. It was like Orihime couldn’t reject the damage the same way as she normally did. Urahara speculated it was because the damage was to his soul, and not his body, but he didn’t want to tell Orihime that.

The skin was different, distinct scar tissue, after Unohana finished. She didn’t understand it. Finally, he was fully healed, a combination of Orihime’s tireless work and the healers of squad four. But still, his mind was not functioning correctly yet, those parts of his brain that had been affected by the cuffs still refused to light up with activity when Urahara scanned them…

They were not, of course, able to witness the internal struggle.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Zangetsu was tired still. He could barely maintain his own form in the inner world. That world was now an ocean with nothing in it. Rain poured from the blackened sky. And Zangetsu didn’t care, he just wanted to sleep. Strange for a Zanpakutō to feel like this. Somewhere, he could hear sobbing. But he was too tired to go figure it out. He saw his white companion eventually, stumbling through the air above the ocean. He was already white, but he was sure he would have been paler if it hadn’t been for that. He wandered around, staring at his arms where these large black scars had appeared.

It took forever of standing beside the old man before he could speak. “Where’s the king gone?” he croaked.

Zangetsu likewise took a long time. “No idea. I heard sobbing. I wasn’t sure if it was you or him.”

“Not me, but I don’t feel right. I can’t remember…” he muttered, looking around. “What did th’ king do?”

Zangetsu was a little clearer. “He’s giving up, if we let him.”

Shiro shook his head. “Nah, can’t let ‘im do that.”

“Have you searched his memories to find out what happened?” Zangetsu asked.

Again, Shiro shook his head. “Nah, can’t be that bad, ya?”

Zangetsu blinked slowly. “Maybe you shouldn’t look.”

The hollow looked at him. “What?”

“You may be better if you don’t.”

“I will, now that you told me not to,” he said and his form dissipated.

Zangetsu swallowed. “I hope he doesn’t lose his mind.”

- _Spiraling_ -

Renji stood over him. He was still unbroken, snarling and cursing at him as his hands were slammed into the clamps on the floor. He held up a hammer. He stared at him and grinned, slamming it down repeatedly on his struggling hands. Every bone was shattered, every one sending lancing pain throughout his body. And then, his legs were locked at the knees under his chest, and it began again. The pain in his hands didn’t eclipse the rest, and by the end he was hoarse from the screams. But he wasn’t broken. Not yet. Even then, curled up, nursing his hands against his chest, he wasn’t broken, screaming curses at Renji. But was it Renji? That smirk, something about that smirk…

- _Spiraling_ -

He lay still, breath panting in and out. His ankles and wrists were fixed and he was on his stomach. He had lost any shame at the undignified position months ago. His head lolled to the side on the floor. He heard the light footsteps and heard the hiss of the metal. He had stopped begging. He had no voice these days. He was close, so close to doing what they wanted.

“Call me Rukia-sama,” she said, and he felt the heat from the iron as she held it above the backs of his thighs.

“I’ll call you Rukia-bitch,” he said softly. Of course, the expected searing of the flesh came, the smell of his own burning skin wafting up, making him retch uncontrollably. One. Two.

“What is your name?” she asked.

“Ichigo,” he snarled at her. Three, four. Between, she returned it to the fire.

“No, you are a pet now, you have no name,” she said, and the heat returned. Higher, this time, closer to the inside of his thighs.

“Fuck you, bitch,” he whispered. Five, six, seven, eight.

Eight was his limit. It was then he passed out. He never had been able to last past the eighth touch.

- _Spiraling_ -

He was standing against the wall, hands tied above his head this time. Byakuya was back, lashing him with a scourge whip, the barbs tearing chunks of flesh away mercilessly. He rested his head against the cold stone, panting. The first lash he’d called him a bastard. The second curse had died on his lips in a scream. The third lash had nearly sent him unconscious.

“You are doing well, Pet,” he said, looking at his handy work.

“I’m not your fucking pet,” he said softly. He was rewarded by a fourth lash.

“You are nothing but a worthless hollow monster that deserves death. You are lucky I allow you to live here and don’t kill you,” he said running fingers up and down Ichigo’s spine.

“Kill me, I’d rather be dead,” he said. Fifth lash, and he barely had the strength to flinch.

The whip fell, and his legs were kicked apart. “You won’t be dead, you’ll be punished.”

Somehow, he found the strength to scream again.

- _Spiraling_ -

 “Heal him, freak,” a muttered curse in the dark lancing through his head. Why couldn’t he see? “Not all the way, just make sure he doesn’t die,” the voice continued.

A needle. Suddenly, pain was amplified, and he realized his eyes were beginning to reconstruct themselves. That’s right; it had been tonight’s fun, taking his eyes… He vaguely thought that this had happened twice before, the sick pop and slithering feeling down his cheeks. Strange that that part didn’t really hurt that much. But he deserved it. He didn’t look up when he was told to. That was the result. Of course, at the time, he couldn’t look up, but that didn’t seem to matter. He should have tried even with his head chained down.

- _Spiraling_ -

Pain, too much to count. The knife was sliding under the skin, and to his horror, he looked down to see it being peeled away. The pain was searing and wavering as the skin fell to the side with a plop. He looked up at the grinning Yumichika. Why was he grinning? He couldn’t even see his eyes; his grin was so wide. This was before the cuffs; this was while he was still fighting.

“Yumichika, why?” he cried out.

“Ah, you know, fun,” came the answer and the voice, it was Yumichika but it was wrong, something wrong with it. “How much skin can I flay before ya pass out?”

Again, the searing pain and drip of blood down his legs.

He heard Ikkaku laughing and felt the slighter cuts on his back. No, he begged in his head. Not both of them. Then it stopped and he tried to hold his voice, but as the burning liquid poured from Ikkaku’s jug, he found new ways to scream.

- _Spiraling_ -

It was gone, just gone, like filaments of sugar candy on the wind. Blown away. Faces flashed, but they didn’t remain solid. It was slipping away. No name, not anymore, it was stripped like his flesh. The world was cruel and he was a sick, diseased thing. If he wasn’t he wouldn’t be here. Slowly eyes blinked open as he rested on his knees, arms secured above him. Master was back. Didn’t master have another name? He couldn’t remember anymore.

“Hello, Pet,” he said, kneeling, pushing his chin up to force his eyes to connect.

“Master…” he said softly.

He looked down at a damp spot below the bound man. “You made a mess, didn’t you?”

“Bad Pet,” he whispered.

“What do we do with bad pets?” Master said softly.

“Punish them, Master,” he whispered as his Master kneeled between his legs to bring his punishment, his pain, and his humiliation. But then, humiliation requires having knowledge of what it is like to not be like this. He’d lost it.

- _Spiraling_ -

Master stood over him again, telling him the usual words.

“Such a dirty monster, pet. Are you a monster, pet?”

“Bad monster, Master. Punish me, please,” he said softly.

“Ah that’s a good pet. When you’re good, I love you.”

He was at a loss for what the Master wanted. He received a slap. “You’ve made me angry.”

“Master?” he asked, as he was forced to his knees.

“Please your master, and I won’t punish you so severely.”

He did as he was asked, but he was still punished. He wondered if it mattered.

- _Spiraling_ -

Sitting alone in the dark, he yanked at his hair again and again, pulling painful clumps loose. The memories had tried to surface. He remembered for a moment who he was, and he punished himself. He had to be punished for such things, even if Master did not know. He glared at his bloody hands. If master couldn’t, he had to, he had to. Bad pets had to be punished. But there was a tickle, a terrible tickle, and he whispered hoarsely words that he didn’t understand.

“Kill me, anyone…”

- _Spiraling_ -

The Renji above him was punishing him again. He didn’t know why. It had become something that happened each day. Pain and blood. And he deserved it. So much. He kept seeing his name and it meant he needed punishment. He looked into the face, and for a second swore that the eyes looking at him were blue instead of brown. “Kill me,” he whispered, and watched as shock and something else twisted the face above him. Hands clasped on his neck and squeezed. Oh, this would be it. Then the pressure eased and he was gone. So, close.

- _Spiraling_ -

 “Disgusting creature. Hollow. You are lucky to be our pet, instead of dead. Lucky. Be a good Pet.”

He had a memory flash and whispered, “Ishida?”

He was punished several times that day. “Do not say such a name.”

Soon another memory flashed, and in confusion he said softly, “Uryū help me…”

And again, teaching and punishing, ending up with healing from the medical freak before he bled to death. “Do not say such a name.”

“Monsters don’t have friends. If you ever had a friend, they find you vile, dirty, and disgusting now.”

All the while, the only thing that was constant was the small Arrancar that would pet his head and try to help him through the worst of the pain. He hung to the words that he said, that he’d help him. It took so long, though, and hope was fleeting.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Ichigo was screaming. Screaming and screaming, and nothing could stop the sounds being torn from his throat. It was like a nightmare but it was more. He heard sounds, a lot of sounds and talking. He felt hands and he tried to throw them off, but it didn’t work. Finally, his back arched and a strangled sound escaped his lips and an eerily familiar white substance began frothing from his mouth and over his face, sending everyone in the room a few steps back, except for two men who moved closer in anticipation. This was, after all, always a possibility.

His body relaxed suddenly and a groan escaped his lips. Unohana stood in the doorway as Shinji and Urahara watched carefully near the bed. Urahara had summoned the Vizard when Ichigo had begun screaming almost an hour ago. Renji, Byakuya, and Rukia had also come down but they stood to the side of the room. Wonderweiss, scared by the amount Ichigo was screaming, was huddled against Rukia’s side.

“Fuck!” came the guttural reply as Ichigo moved to sit up, his hands on his head. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” The voice was not his own, however. It was different, and Byakuya stiffened, knowing that voice all too well.

Ichigo, who was not Ichigo, lifted his head up and stared around the room. His face was half covered with a hollow mask, and his eyes were different, black sclera with brilliant gold irises. His eyes fixed on Byakuya.

“Fuck you and yer pansy ass sword,” he snarled and then looked around. “Fuck every one of ya fuckin’ assholes!”

No one moved. “Five fuckin’ years, five fuckin’ years, holy fuck!” he exclaimed, running hands through Ichigo’s orange hair.

His eyes flashed back and forth. “The fuck happened in here?” he muttered. “Fuck! What fucked with his head? I can’t even tell what fuckin’ did it! I got fuckin’ flashes of shit I don’t want to see, and that’s all, everything’s fuckin’ gone. Fuck, king!”

Urahara put a hand on Ichigo’s. “I assume you are Ichigo’s hollow spirit? Shiro, I believe he calls you?”

“Who the fuck else would I be?” he snapped.

Shiro looked at Shinji. “You fuckers, you fuckers and yer shit. I could fuckin’ kill you bunch! I wish I’da taken’ yer fuckin’ head off when we fought the last time!”

“Well, Shiro, while I would prefer to see Ichigo in control, as you can tell by the state of his mind, that’s difficult right now,” Urahara said softly.

“No fuckin’ shit!” Shiro exclaimed. He thought for a while then his eyes flashed up between Byakuya, Renji and Rukia. “The fuck. Why do I see you three in his memories? Why the fuck would you do this shit to him?”

Urahara could see the anger building as the reiatsu in the room sent a couple healers in the hallway to their knees. “Shiro, Shiro, listen, do you remember who put the sealing bracelets on you, remember?”

Shiro thought. “In my memories, not Ichigo’s,” he said, thinking. “Fuckin’ Aizen. And his fuckin’ piece of shit sword. The first sealing bracelets didn’t seal me away altogether, I could still see, feel, a little. I felt when that fucker pulled that shitty sword on us. Then, he slapped a stronger set and I’ve been fuckin’ floating in water for the last fuckin’ three years. But there was one moment, one moment…yeah, I fuckin’ remember, connecting for a moment and screaming myself hoarse at king to run like a mother fucker, but then it was sealed again and shit it hurt that time, even I felt that shit.”

Shiro paused. “I tried to protect him. I didn’t have much time, but I did what I could, I grabbed his soul and shoved it into a box and put everything I had into it. Guess it didn’t work as well as I thought. Still tried to destroy him…” he mattered.

Urahara nodded. “That’s the second set, the ones we removed from you three weeks ago. They were horrible, insidious things. They sealed his spiritual energy and seemed to affect his brain.”

Shiro frowned down at the massive scar tissue on his forearms. “Fuck, so that’s where that shit came from.”

“What do you mean?” Urahara asked.

“It showed up on my arms a while ago, my arms all fucked up with this shit…” Shiro said with a mock pout.

“Is there anything you can tell us from what you’ve got from his memories?” Urahara said.

Shiro shrugged. “Hold on.” He closed his eyes, exploring.

He gasped suddenly. “Sadistic fuckers,” he muttered.

“What is it?” Urahara pressed.

Shiro looked around. “Okay, so he fuckin’ took cherry blossom pussy there’s form. Aizen did anyway. The fucker with the blue hair, fuckin’ Grimmjow took Red’s face over there. And um, that fucker that changes forms took the midget’s face, well she was one of his faces. That face liked whips and the irons. He took the drunk captain’s face when he wanted to use water on him. Then he took the bald headed one’s face to cut him and pour fucking sake in the wounds. He’d bring that old bastard and he looked like pretty boy, the baldy’s boyfriend, and he liked flaying the skin off. Aaroniero also took the white-haired captain’s face, the tall one with the cough, and stuck needles in him. Fat ass assassin guy broke his hands and feet while that skinny bitch captain crushed his junk or worse…but that was Yammy and Luppi. The fucking druggie bastard looked like her,” he muttered, pointing to Unohana.”

There was a hushed silence for a moment. “Fuckin’ bubblegum pink scientist that could put Kurotsuchi to shame kept him alive. Shoulda died a lot. But they wouldn’t let him.”

He picked up his hands and examined them slowly. “Ya know, it fuckin’ hurts like a bitch when someone takes a fuckin’ hammer to your hands. I got that much. Didn’t feel any better the second, third, or fourth time, either.”

Urahara cringed at the thought. “Anything else you can remember? Did Ichigo have any idea that they weren’t who they appeared to be?”

“Kind of, he remembered thinking that Byakuya didn’t smile, and that Renji shouldn’t be smirking like he was. But it was all fuckin’ foggy from the pain and haze he was in. Drugs from that freak, too, he was out of it a lot, or that might be whatever the fucker did up here. Feels like someone took a fuckin’ sledge hammer to his brain...”

Rukia moved up, Wonderweiss moving with her. “Can you fix it? Whatever is wrong in his mind?”

Shiro looked at her. “Ya sure ya want me to, midget? I do that, he’s gonna fuckin’ remember every detail, relive that shit. No fog, no nothing. Fuckin’ bell clarity. All of it. Not just the flashes that sent my hollow ass to screamin’ bloody murder. We’re talking all five years.”

He sighed though and stared at Wonderweiss. “Yo, brat. Thanks for what ya did for m’king. He probably wouldn’t have lived without you there, even if he thought you were imaginary.”

“He thought Wonderweiss was imaginary?” Urahara asked.

“Yeah, he didn’t think there should be Arrancar in Kuchiki manor. For some reason, whatever Aizen fucker did, it didn’t work on this little bitch after he resurrected him. I remembered, before the second bracers he put on me, seeing him, and Ichgo was confused as fuck by there being an Arrancar just wandering about, so he just figured it was him going crazy.”

“Fix Pet Friend?” Wonderweiss said, looking at him.

Shiro sighed and nodded. “I guess I gotta, huh, brat?”

Wonderweiss nodded. “Please help my friend.”

Everyone glanced Wonderweiss when he changed voices like that. “Yeah, got it. Let’s see here,” he said and closed his eyes. Shiro was quiet for a long time.

“Too fuckin’ much damage. Whole damn higher functions are gone. Like fuckin’ gone. Shit, what the fuck, man, this is some twisted shit,” Shiro said with a frown. Try not to freak the fuck out, okay? I gotta go all the way into hollow form to pull this shit off. He ain’t capable of stopping me. But give me a fuckin’ minute before you try killin’ my ass. Unlike when I took over before, I’m in control. It’s different when I don’t trake control to bring our ass back from the dead.”

Before anyone could say anything, Shiro stepped back. He closed his arms over his chest and reiatsu burst out so broadly that everyone in the area that hadn’t attained shikai was knocked flat to the ground. Even the captains shivered, and within minutes the sound of multiple flash steps filled the room with a sea of white coated captains around the outside of the glass room. Byakuya held up a hand.

Inside, Shiro had his head thrown back, as his skin faded out to pure white, a hollow hole erupted in the center of his chest, and black lines poured out to cover the skin. The half mask quickly turned into a full horned mask, his hands and feet shifted into the clawed counterparts. His hair blasted outward and down his back, and orange colored cuffs flared on his wrists. The outpouring receded back into him with a slam. Shiro lifted his hand and curled his clawed black nails and looked around. The tension was thick.

“The fuck, ain’t ya seen a vasto lorde before? Guess big tits and cape boy were the only two that saw this,” his voice was distorted. “Now keep fuckin’ quiet, and don’t fuckin’ get near me or yer ass will get fried while I’m in here fixin’ shit.”

He closed his glowing red eyes and stared upward. A black reiatsu flared around him, encasing him. He was still aside from the thrumming of the energy. He stepped backward, almost falling. He held onto whatever he was doing. A snarl erupted from his mouth.

“Stop it, fuck, Ichigo, stop fighting me!” he growled out. “Let…me…fix…it!”

Shiro stumbled back again. “Dammit! Put that shit to use on someone else! Fuck, Ojiisan!”

He panted for a second then stood up straight again. “Thanks, Zangetsu,” he murmured with a sigh. “Hang on to him, this gonna get worse, old man.”

There was a long moment of whipping reiatsu around him. “Shut up, fuck, king! Don’t fuckin’ wimp out on me, or I’m fuckin’ takin’ over and makin’ you the fuckin’ horse! Don’t give me that shit, ya ain’t gonna do that, or I will fuckin’ kick yer ass…”

He sighed and opened his eyes, staring around at the others. “Watch him. Close. He’s broke as fuck now. And he might not want to keep going.”

The mask evaporated, and he fell to his knees, the features of the hollow slowly receding, the sick white skin going last of all. Urahara caught him easily, and lifted him back on the bed. He was still out, but when Urahara pried open an eye, they were thankfully brown again. He was unconscious and Urahara didn’t know for sure what he’d done to Ichigo’s body.

People filed out, seeing the threat was seemingly over. Urahara sat down beside him, taking a hand. He looked up at the two Kuchikis and Renji that remained. “I have a feeling the worst is yet to come.”


	5. Shatter His Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There may be some jagged edges, but once I get all 13 chapters revised into the new version, I'll go through and smooth out rough spots.

Ichigo’s whole being hurt. A lot. It hurt so much that he ever didn’t want to open his eyes. He had been enjoying the warmth of the water he’d been floating inside once he had been released from the box. It had been comforting, holding him in a tight embrace that felt good for a change. He hadn’t been inside his inner world in so long, and getting lost inside it was such a temptation. For so long, though he forgot how long, he’d been prohibited from it. Something, or rather, someone had forced him into a box, a tiny box, and it hurt so much inside there.

He was angry; he just wanted to rest and forget. Forgetting what he’d been reduced to, screaming and flailing at the edges of his mind as his body obeyed the commands it was given. His voice saying things he couldn’t stand as he screamed and cried out to stop, to shut up!

He recalled the first bit, when he fought them. That was there, at the edges of memory despite how much he tried to push it away. Then the box. The bloody box. It had been the place that his soul had been locked into. He was angry because he knew it was Shiro that had done it when those silver cuffs sunk into his flesh. That part was clear no matter what he did. He saw those cuffs, searing and burning through flesh, muscle, and bone…

Those cuffs, those horrid things, sealing away everything he was. Pushing the hollow and Zangetsu deeper, and he couldn’t even tell if they still existed. He had felt like his brain exploding. And his consciousness, his very soul, tried to reach out and stop the shattering, but there was a barrier, a black barrier tinged with red. It was the box. He realized that it was Shiro. He hadn’t disappeared, he’d transformed into a barrier, a box to contain him. He’d erected a barrier to protect Ichigo’s soul. After all, all Shiro wanted was to protect him. If he hadn’t, that bright lightning that was slowly devouring pieces of his mind would have done the same to his soul. He knew that was the intent, to turn him into little more than a Gigai. And he knew, _he knew_ , as much as this was to break him, it was also to break everyone who had ever been a part of his life once they realized what had happened.

Flailing madly at the barrier, watching with horror, that was the worst. A tiny box, and he felt the lightning shoot around it now and then, threatening to break the walls and consume him. To his horror, it was beginning to crack more and more as time went on. The whole thing was cracking on all sides. When it did, his consciousness would come bubbling through and he knew he’d several times begged for death when it happened. Being subjected to the beatings, the abuse, the sexual horrors, that was one thing. But to know he was asking even begging for them to love him, to punish him, which only meant to rape and beat him again, it made him want to die so badly. And for a minute, he thought the person hurting him would do just that.

Then there was that blonde Arrancar who shouldn’t exist. He saw him, he heard him and disbelieved he was real. How could an Arrancar be in Soul Society walking around like this? No, he wasn’t real… Then one part of him recalled that things weren’t right…things were wrong…

The cracks were bad now, and he was going to lose himself soon, he knew. Whatever immense power the hollow, and perhaps Zangetsu too, had poured into creating this small sanctuary of hell for him was fading over time. The walls were thinner. At first, he couldn’t see, only sense what was happening. Then they’d grown thinner and thinner, now translucent, and he watched through his own eyes.

The lightning had split him, though. And pieces of his soul had escaped through those cracks. The one remaining here, this horrified piece, was Truth. This was Truth of himself, sitting frightened as the world of his own mind crashed around him. Pet was long gone, the first to escape and assume control of the body they owned, then Child too… Child would have hidden from the lightning, so Truth wasn’t as worried about him. Then Fighter had run out, and last, Protector had tried to go find them all. But it was too late. This piece, Truth, he understood that it was too late. It was a matter of time before the lightning destroyed them all.

Except, Truth didn’t understand the Arrancar. Until he was clinging to him, being carried away from Las Noches, Pet screaming to be let go, to be let go back to Master, and Truth wanted so badly to kill Pet right then. Stupid, idiotic Pet!

Then he was looking up into Master…no not Master, Byakuya! And screaming, oh he was screaming in terror, and he almost broke his protective shell to scream at him that he wasn’t the Master. He knew the master was Aizen. He remembered, at least this piece of him did. He saw through the illusion. Every single time from his protected space, he saw through it. At first, he had believed him, but then the cuffs, they’d sealed him and the illusion was only visible to his physical soul form, not the soul that was secreted away. And the look in Renji’s eyes, the absolute horror as he realized that his friend was scared of him…

He could do nothing, though. If he broke the barriers, thin as they were, he’d be consumed by the lightning that was licking around his small, protected space. And then what his hollow had done would be for nothing. He glimpsed the faces, and he cringed at the tears in eyes he didn’t want to see cry and he could do nothing. The pain was too much, though. He wasn’t sure how much he could take. The glimpses of the tortures, they were gone as soon as he saw them. He saw them, was disgusted, and they were gone. Just like these faces. One second he knew them, the next he didn’t. It was breaking, he knew that was why. He saw the light leaking into the small box, lashing at him painfully, trying to rip apart what remained of the soul. His tenuous hold on sanity was slipping. Truth was sure he was all that remained besides idiot Pet who was speaking nonsense.

Then the light was gone and the barrier shattered, and he was falling. Was he dead, finally? It felt that way. Maybe he’d be a soul reaper again once his soul passed to soul society. But wait, would it even do that? He was in soul form, not his body. Ah, it didn’t matter, as long as it was over. He felt warm and it was quiet. Then just as suddenly, water rushed in around him and he was in the sanctity of his inner world. He could feel the hollow and Zangetsu. He had no idea what had happened, but he was numb and he wanted to stay that way.

Then it felt like he was being flooded with things he didn’t want to see. His eyes flew open and he started to rip apart the walls of memory. He heard his hollow screaming at him to stop. But he didn’t want him to stop. He didn’t want to remember. He wanted to stay here, in the water, forever, and just…

He felt arms encasing him as he fought weakly and he looked up to see he was in the impassive embrace of Zangetsu. He writhed, and screamed curses at his hollow half and the Zanpakutō spirit. How could they do this to him? He didn’t want to remember! He didn’t want to connect Byakuya’s face with this, or Rukia, Renji, Tōshirō, Ukitake… The faces and the pain flooded him. His friends, the captains he’d fought and those he now trusted, stripping away every shred of dignity he had left. He screamed. It wasn’t them, but it was them! He fought the spirit that held him in an iron like grip. Soi Fon’s face laughing at him, Yumichika screaming at him as he sliced through his stomach with the three-pronged sword…Ikkaku piercing his hands one on top the other with the spear like Zanpakutō of his to hold him in place….

He swore insanity would claim him in the flood of memories, five years of memories, crashing into him within a span of moments. He desperately clung to the fact that it wasn’t them, couldn’t be them, he wasn’t a monster, they knew it, he knew it.

But what if he was? What if they did think that? What if they despised him as a disgusting creature? And now even more? Dirty and wrong and broken? Wasn’t he supposed to protect the ones he loved, not end up like this? Broken, quivering and hurt? No, Truth was sure that he was all this and worse.

“I’ll kill myself!” he screamed, receiving a rebuke from the hollow. He didn’t know where it came from, deep within him. If they weren’t going to let him die from the shame and humiliation, perhaps ending this pitiful excuse for an existence would work better. Then Zangetsu let him go. He was too weak to do anything, the walls of memory, crashing into him with force had left him laying weak in the waters of his world.

“It has to be this way, Ichigo,” the spirit said, kneeling beside him. “You have to remember to heal and become who you still are, even if you can’t tell it yet.”

So here he was blinking at the low lights in the room, his breath quickening suddenly. He felt someone stir beside him, and he instinctively shrank back from them. Truth had no idea what had happened or where Pet had gone, but he was gone, at least, for now.

“Ichigo?” a familiar voice whispered, and he turned, his eyes frantically searching the room and landing on a familiar white and green striped hat.

“Ichigo, say something so I know you’re there,” he said, leaning forward.

Ichigo flinched away, though not as violently as Urahara had previously seen. “Getabishi,” he whispered softly, hands curling into the sheets at his throat, eyes wide.

Urahara let a breath out he wasn’t sure he was holding. “You remember me? Do you remember who you are?” It was a funny question, since he’d just said his name twice.

But perhaps not. Ichigo stared at him and opened his mouth. “Pet?” he queried then shook his head as though dislodging the thought. Why would he call himself that? Pet wasn’t here right now, he was. “No…no…”

“It’s okay, it will come back,” Urahara said, reaching tentatively toward him, only to pull his hand back as Ichigo flinched away again. “No one here is going to hurt you. I know you’re confused, but you’re here, in the fourth division in soul society.”

A panicked look crossed his face as he looked around. “Remember, Ichigo, it wasn’t here, you were with Aizen. He made you think you were here.”

Ichigo chewed thoughtfully on his lip. Why had things seemed so clear inside his inner world? Now they were muddled, and he had two sets of things in his head trying to vie for dominance over each other. The overwhelming need to cower and submit as the pet he had become, and the defiant man he had been at the beginning of the ordeal. No, Pet was here, that was the problem. Pet was here with him and Truth didn’t like that. He wanted Pet to die and go away.

“I know,” he whispered, looking around, despite the statement, his body was still held close and hardly moving. “I know but I don’t know, I know but not…”

Before he knew it, his eyes were filled with tears at the confusion tearing at his head. He reached both hands up to his hair and started pulling violently at it, as though the act would jar something loose in his head. He felt the strands yanking out by the roots and felt the pleasure jet through him at the pain. It was twisted and horrible but he wanted it so bad. That pain…

Urahara grabbed his wrists despite the flinches and pulled his hands out of his hair, thick strands clutched in his hands where he’d yanked pieces out. He stared at Urahara, terrified at the feeling of being touched, especially on his wrists and he screamed, yanking his hands away and tumbling in a heap from the bed, clutching desperately at the covers he’d drug with him from the bed. He was panting and nearly hyperventilating when he looked up to see the dark haired fourth captain rest fingers against his forehead, and before he could protest he’d fallen under the sleeping kido.

Unohana looked at Urahara’s face. She smiled softly, gathering him up and putting him back in the bed. “Believe it or not, Urahara-san, it is a good sign that his mind is returning. He’s confused; we just have to keep telling him that we know what is going on. And give him time.”

Urahara nodded, looking at the sleeping face. He looked up as Renji entered, relieving him for the evening. It still amazed Urahara how many people had been touched by the human Shinigami substitute.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

_-Spiraling-_

Swirling pain.

“You enjoy the pain, pet?” a husky whisper.

“Yes, Master,” the conditioned response to the body over his back pressing him into the wall.

“Here, pet,” he said softly, handing him a knife. “You can do it yourself, pet. This is how I show my love, pet. If you are bad, punish yourself. If you are a good pet, love yourself.”

A hitched breath. One hand flat to the wall, the other holding the glittering knife. He stared at it. He had the power to do this now? A flare welled in his stomach. He had power now. Not just them. He smiled. “Pet can love,” he whispered. “Pet can punish.”

He took the silver knife and began to cut lines into his forearms. He was in control! He screamed as the Master came closer to finishing his love today. It still hurt after so many times. But he focused on the blood running down his arms, and switched hands to do the same to the other. He would have cut all the way to his wrists, but his cuffs covered them. He settled for stopping at the top of them, and winding the blade up again.

“You like that pet?” Master whispered, slamming into him hard enough to bounce his face off the wall, then shivered as he felt that same sensation. He pulled away. “Have fun, sweet pet. This is my love.”

Long into the night, the blood dripped. And come morning, the pale form was given more to replace the lost amount. The knife was left within easy reach, though, of the chained pet.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

“He woke up,” Urahara said to Renji softly. “It wasn’t as good as we’d hope, he’s confused, but it looks like he’s caught between the two things, what he was trained into and the real one. He’s going to go through a lot of things, Renji. And be prepared. He might lash out at you, or himself.”

Urahara stood and left the red head with Ichigo. He knew how much he’d been hurt, finding out that Ichigo had been hurt using his image. He came every night, for two hours, to sit with him. Despite having to continue with his duties as the fukutaichou of sixth division. He hadn’t missed a beat, though, even if he was a little weary around the edges. Rukia was standing outside the doorway, watching.

Urahara placed a hand on her shoulder. “Go in with him,” he said softly and left quietly.

Rukia nodded and went to stand beside Renji, wrapping a hand gently in his. He didn’t look up as he watched Ichigo’s breath rise and fall.

“Why, Rukia?” he said softly. “I mean, of all of us, why him?”

Rukia shook her head, her hand tightening, and fingers intertwining with Renji’s. “I don’t know. You saw as I did. That power he has hidden inside him. Aizen knew he could defeat him, and he did what he could to get his hands on that power before he could.”

She heard Renji’s voice become tighter, obviously fighting the urge to cry. “Why not kill him? Why do this…”

“I don’t know, prove he’s in control, perhaps,” she said softly.

Renji looked up to see her violet eyes tearing up again. “I know.”

“I don’t think there’s a single division that can get it out of their mind. That Aizen took someone that even the head captain may fear, and broke him like…like some sort of toy. If he can do that, and drive this much fear and anguish into our very hearts… He wants us to know that fighting him is hopeless. That’s what it is,” Rukia said with a sigh.

She didn’t want to think of what other reasons there might have been. She didn’t want to mention that the Arrancar that was now sleeping curled in the big chair in the corner had escaped with him, and Aizen hadn’t intended him to come back at all. She turned, seeing her brother standing in the door, watching.

“Nii-sama, what are you doing here at this hour? You should be asleep,” she said, not bothering to disentangle her hand from Renji’s, perhaps not realizing the intimate position their hands has acquired as they spoke.

Byakuya looked down at the now mostly healed substitute Shinigami. “I came to see how he was.”

Renji swallowed. “Urahara-san said he woke up for a minute, confused about what’s real and what isn’t. We’re still not sure exactly how he’s managed to come through it. Kurotsuchi-Taichou was talking to Unohana-Taichou and was telling her the extent of what those cuffs were made to do. It wasn’t supposed to destroy just his mind, but to eventually destroy the soul of the person wearing them. Completely tear it apart, he said. Even for Kurotsuchi-Taichou, he said it was perhaps one of the most sadistic and disgusting devices he’d ever encountered.”

Byakuya nodded, seeing that the red scar tissue was still visible on both forearms. “Just how deeply they had been embedded into his arms was evidence of that,” he said.

They remained like that for a long time, until the night was once again shattered as much as the orange haired Shinigami in front of them.

All three had managed to seat themselves and wait out the night, or until Ikkaku came to relieve Renji. Wonderweiss would wake up and check on him now and then, usually muttering something as he looked him over.

All those who sat watch were volunteers. No one was required to do this, if they had not, a fourth division person would be sitting watch. But knowing that he had been put through what he had, they wanted to show him that it had not been them. That they cared about him, that he was their friend.

Ikkaku rubbed his eyes as he entered the room to find Rukia and Renji slumped against each other. He grinned as he saw their hands entwined. About damn time, he thought to himself. Leave it to Ichigo to finally get those two to realize how they felt about each other. Then he realized that Byakuya was slumped in another seat in the corner with the small blond Arrancar leaning against him in the seat. He shook his head, and then heard the fractured sound coming from Ichigo’s body. It wasn’t a scream per say, but more like a shaky groaning sound.

He dropped his hand hard onto Renji’s shoulder who started, nearly running his head into Rukia who gave a surprised shout herself. They both blinked and saw Ikkaku standing over them. He gestured to where Ichigo. He was beginning to writhe on the bed, locked into some kind of memory or dream.

“Ah, where did it go?” he muttered, his hands blindly fumbling around the bed in his sleep. “Master took it!” He seemed distraught at whatever was missing. “Ah, master took his love,” he whined, thrashing his head back and forth.

By now Byakuya had stood up, unsure whether to stay in the room or not. Then he watched as too his horror, he took one hand and began slicing into his arms with his nails, sending thick trails of blood down them. He kept muttering about punishing himself and there was a collective gasp as he changed to the other side, digging nails deep into the flesh of his arm. Byakuya was frozen in place, not because of the fact he was doing this in his sleep, and not waking up, but the look of absolute bliss on his face.

He looked up to see Unohana come in, eyes tired, with Ikkaku trailing behind her. Byakuya hadn’t noticed when he left. Unohana frowned as she saw the blood starting to soak the sheets but pressed fingers to his head again, a light surrounding him, and he slumped, now in a very deep sleep, hands, dropping to his stomach.

Byakuya stared at him. “He was pleased when he was doing that, why was he enjoying cutting himself like that?”

Unohana sighed, wrapping the bleeding wounds quickly. “Kuchiki-Taichou, you have to remember, the only touches he’s received for five years have been painful ones. To him, the only way he received interaction was through hurting him. He’s been deprived of human interaction for all intents and purposes. As much as he fears touching others, he craves it, but until he can stand to be touched by others…I fear this self-injurious behavior may continue. And it may become drastically worse.”

Byakuya looked down as Wonderweiss had wandered over and laid his head on Ichigo’s chest with a sad expression on his face. “What are our options? We can’t let this continue, and staying here…”

“We can’t send him home, the human world is going to be too much of a shock, and his other human friends seeing him like this would damage his hold on reality. Not to mention that Kon has been living Ichigo’s life for five years. A drastic change like this would be a mistake. I was speaking with Urahara at length, and we think it may be of benefit to place him in the world he was tortured in, to show him that it is not a danger to him,” she said thoughtfully.

Rukia nodded. “So we should take him home with us to Kuchiki manor? Won’t that damage him more, to be there?”

Unohana sighed. “It may. Or it may accelerate the healing process, forcing him to face the reality instead of the illusion that Aizen created.”

Byakuya nodded. “I’ll have my healers put on alert and prepare a room for him. Rukia, can you handle the rest here? We should move him awake if possible.”

“Agreed,” Unohana said. “I’ll leave the deep sleeping kido on him for now, and then wake him when you return.”

Byakuya headed to his home slowly, not sure if this was the right thing to do. But something clenched at his chest when he looked at the broken shell that remained of the vibrant young man that had fought him nearly to death, and still stood up against Aizen. Now, he looked aged beyond anything. The youth that had held him was completely gone. In five short years, the vibrant young man had aged tenfold.

He summoned his head healer, who despite being bleary eyed was given the situation. He straightened immediately, and called one of the female healers who specialized in traumatic situations. To their luck, her services had been rarely needed. But now it would appear, her work would be cut out for her.

“Kuchiki-sama, how badly was he traumatized?” she asked softly, glancing at the team that had come with her. “I mean, I will need to know what was done…”

Byakuya nodded, “I’ll bring you the full report in the morning, but the important issues are that he was captive for two years and endured endless torture, burning, cutting, broken bones, to name a few.”

“Were there any sexual assaults involved?” she asked, her face down as she scribbled notes.

Byakuya’s words caught for a second. “Yes.”

She looked up, brow cocked waiting for elaboration. “Severity, number?”

“Severe to leave internal damage and scarring, and as often as daily from what Unohana-taichou suspects.”

Despite being accustomed to dealing with situations of severe physical trauma, soul society was rather unused to dealing with this type. The reason that Hinata had taken the training to specialize in dealing with victims of sexual assault had to do with watching her own sister descend to suicide in the Rukon district after a violent assault. She was well aware of the permanent damage that had nothing to do with outward wounds.

“Anything else?” she said, swallowing a lump in her throat.

Byakuya sighed. “The reason he is coming here is perhaps the most bothersome. Aizen used his hypnosis ability, like the one that convinced us he and Ichigo were both dead, to convince him that it was done to him by us, here in Kuchiki manor.”

Hinata glared. “You can’t bring him here if that’s the case, he’ll…”

Byakuya held up his hand. “He’s had a small breakthrough and partially knows what is reality and what was illusion. Unohana-Taichou felt that proving to him that the reality is that he is safe here will trigger him breaking free completely from the illusion. There is much more, but at the moment, this is all I can detail, I must rest before I go to retrieve him in the morning.”

He headed to his rooms and fell into a fitful sleep, worried about many things, the largest of which was the fact that he was going to have to deal with something he had no idea how to deal with. Morning came too early for the Kuchiki head. Considering what today would entail, he’d left Renji to supervise the division. He swirled out of the room once dressed and went to the fourth division where Rukia was waiting at the entrance. He nodded to his little sister, heart clenching again as he thought of Hisana. She was looking rested, so she must have stayed in the fourth division’s rooms last night. He himself was impeccable as always. No hair out of place, no sign of distress on his face.

“Nii-sama, you’re early. Unohana-Taichou will be with him still,” she said softly. He looked up to see Urahara standing at the doorway. He nodded to the ex-captain.

He stood outside the glass walls to watch how the fourth captain handled this. She leaned over and pressed fingers to his head, letting a kido wash over him. His wounds had been healed during the night, but there were still pinkish stripes decorating both forearms.

Unohana nodded toward Wonderweiss who moved up and took hold of both Ichigo’s hands. Ichigo’s eyes fluttered and he started, shaking violently until he locked his eyes on Wonderweiss.

“Hush, Pet Friend,” Wonderweiss said with a smile at him. “We go now.”

He looked around nervously and gave a slight nod as he spotted Unohana standing close by with Urahara.

Unohana spoke to him without moving closer. “You are healed enough to leave the fourth division, so we’re sending you to stay with some friends here in soul society, okay?” she said softly. He looked scared at the thought but nodded and clutched Wonderweiss with both hands.

“And I’m going to need you to be strong about this even though you won’t want to, I need you to break away from the illusion in your mind. So, because of that, Kuchiki-Taichou has prepared a room for you.”

The unbridled fear that crossed his face nearly made her think better of the plan, but just as quickly it faded as the other side of him took over, nodding slowly.

“Before you leave, can you tell me how you managed to keep your soul intact? Kurotsuchi-Taichou examined those cuffs, and there should have been nothing left after the time they’d been on you,” she said softly, as Urahara came up beside her.

Ichigo stared at his hands, his voice shaky. “Boxed, black box, kept it out, kept me inside…hollow made it, but it was cracking, and some of it got through, and it hurt so much…”

She nodded, looking at Urahara. “It is okay, Ichigo, Wonderweiss here is going to walk with you.”

Wonderweiss helped him get to his feet. While he’d been unconscious, Unohana had dressed him in a plain cream colored yukata. She didn’t think he would have dressed in front of the others.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Isshin sighed as he came back into the house. “He’s awake,” he said as he looked at the table where his girls sat with Kon, Aiko, and Seras. Everything had been revealed and now even Yuzu understand the significance of things that had been happening for so long. “Renji said that if we wish, he’ll return to bring us across in the morning. Ichigo’s being settled into a room at Kuchiki Manor in the hopes of dispelling the illusion.”

Kon nodded. “I want to see him again.”

“Alright,” Isshin said but Kon saw the sadness etched in his face. Kon got up and headed up the stairs, suddenly filled with a deep sadness he had to hide from the girls and Isshin.

A moment after entering his…or rather Ichigo’s…room, Aiko put his arms around Kon’s chest and held him. Aiko stood several inches taller than Kon, but he really didn’t notice it often. He did right now, though, because he felt so very small. He turned in his grip though and buried his face in Aiko’s chest as tears began to fall.

“Shush, Kon, I’m here,” he whispered as the door opened and closed again, and Kon knew Seras had come up too. She sat down on the bed and sighed. “We’re here,” he whispered as he steered him to the bed, sitting down himself and pulling Kon to sit between his legs. Seras crawled up and embraced him from behind.

Outside the door, Karin stood with her forehead resting on it. She looked over as Yuzu came up.

“What is it?” Yuzu asked.

“All these years…I just told him to stay away from us. He wasn’t really Ichigo. I didn’t want to see him. He did that, and I can’t imagine how much that hurt him.”

Yuzu put an arm around her sister. “He’ll be okay, Karin. We’re all family now, Kon, Ichigo, you and me, Pop, and Aiko and Seras. We’re all going to be family. So it’s okay.”

Karin sighed. “Yeah. No matter what, we’re family now.” 


	6. Shatter His Will

 

Wonderweiss walked with Ichigo. He wrapped an arm protectively around his waist and kept him walking in a straight line. He watched the others carefully as he walked with him. No one really stopped to question them, of course. They’d decided to walk through the area when it would be the least busy. It seemed a good idea. Truth and Pet were vying with each other for control, and neither one was giving, so Ichigo couldn’t speak or do anything if he wanted to at the moment. The constant contention between the two shards of himself was causing him a great deal of pain and nausea, to be quite honest.

Truth saw the gates, and Pet tried to run. Truth held him tight, he was not going to let Pet ruin this. They had to break this illusion and he knew it.

Outwardly, Ichigo seemed to flinch as soon as they came to the gates but then just kept quiet, his head bowed low. Five years had changed him in so many ways, and he was not the boy that once stood near these gates. No, he was a different person. Byakuya walked behind them, purposefully keeping himself out of Ichigo’s sight, just in case he broke into a panic before they got there. Rukia walked beside him, but also out of Ichigo’s line of sight. Once he was safely inside, they could try and talk to him, and get him to respond, or at least they hoped.

They were led into a room, just a spare room that had been arranged for Ichigo go use. There was an extra futon as well, because they were under strict orders that he was never to be left on his own. He froze when he looked around. All the rooms were roughly the same, so the idea that Ichigo recognized it from the illusion wasn’t far-fetched at all. He shook a little then closed his eyes, trying to clear his head it would seem.

“Not the same,” he whispered finally, opening his eyes and looking around in earnest now.

Byakuya let a sigh he hadn’t realized he was holding and entered the room cautiously. Ichigo looked up at him, eyes darting back and forth over his face and a shudder passing over him briefly before he gripped one hand in the other. Wonderweiss held tightly to his waist even as he stood there and looked around. It still seemed that Ichigo almost didn’t acknowledge the Arrancar’s existence entirely.

“Ichigo, would you like to have something to eat? I can have my cooks fix you anything you want,” he said softly.

Ichigo blinked and looked around, stopping on each face.

“Pet…I can eat?” he said softly.

Rukia stepped forward slowly, her heart clenching at the words. “Of course, Ichigo, anything you want,” she said softly, glancing up at her brother.

“I…I don’t have to do anything?” he said again, looking around rapidly, suddenly appearing nervous and clutching his hands together tighter. Again, Pet was trying to assert control in an annoying need to submit to the people in this room.

Rukia fought the urge to cry. “No, why would you have to do something?”

“P-pets work f-for f-f-food,” he whispered, not looking at any of them. “M-master said…only then…b-but he never gave what he p-promised, always took it away…wasn’t good enough…”

Byakuya bit his lip almost to the point of bleeding. “Ichigo, you are here as a guest, you can have anything you want to eat.”

Ichigo looked at Byakuya curiously, trying desperately to separate the vision of the cruel Master from the calm and stoic man before him. “Chocolate?” he said softly. He glanced at Wonderweiss briefly then looked at Byakuya with expectant eyes.

Rukia started to say something about that not being the best thing and Byakuya put a hand on her to stop her. “What do you want made out of chocolate, Ichigo?”

He shook his head, then turned away. He really didn’t know. He just wanted proof that this was real. Master would never bring him something like that. Truth even agreed with that. While he thought what his eyes told him was real, he still doubted it, even though not nearly as much as Pet or the others would have. And if this person that mirrored the master would bring him something like that, then he would know it wasn’t the master staring at him.

Ichigo stood, staring out of the room into the open garden until Byakuya came back with a covered tray. Wonderweiss had gone out into the small garden and was sitting in the middle of it smelling flowers. Ichigo watched him, a curious look on his face. Byakuya sat the tray down on a small table and smiled at Ichigo. It had been hard to get the servants to relinquish the food to him personally, but they relented, allowing him to take it himself. No reason for more people to intrude on Ichigo, especially ones that would go around calling him Kuchiki-sama in front of Ichigo.

“I found some candy bars, and there was a small bit of a chocolate cake left from this week’s dinner party,” he said as he pulled off the cover.

Ichigo looked it over, and a hint of a smile twitched at the corner of his mouth as he reached out and touched the items on the tray. It wasn’t a lot, and it certainly wasn’t a meal, but he grabbed one piece of the candy and began to eat it, sucking the bar rather than biting into it. He obviously enjoyed it quite a bit, though because he had a look of pleasure on his face they hadn’t seen yet.

Byakuya glanced over at Rukia who was sitting on the other futon. She smiled softly as he ate the proffered chocolate and then the small piece of cake. He didn’t want to overload him, especially with sweet western foods. Eventually he was licking the remaining chocolate from his fingers thoughtfully.

Truth knew this wasn’t the same Master. But what if he was fooling him? Pet continued to whine in his mind and say these things. For a second Fighter seemed to chide them both for being idiots. Still, none of them, none of Ichigo, could help it. Master was everything, his entire world. He lived only to serve him. He shook his head. No. No, he didn’t. He never did. It was so confusing and he was having such a hard time dragging himself up from his own mind.

Byakuya and Rukia watched the struggle going on in Ichigo’s mind and it broke both their hearts that they couldn’t fight this battle for him. Instead, he eventually went out into the garden where Wonderweiss was. He sat down on a bench and Wonderweiss got up and started trying to put flowers in Ichigo’s hair.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Dammit. He couldn’t concentrate. He rolled the pen in his mouth, leaving teeth marks as he stared at the papers on his desk dumbly. He looked up at the clock. It was coming on afternoon and he still hadn’t finished his paper for classes this week. He swallowed. His mind wasn’t here, it was in Soul Society. He was worried about Ichigo. Finally, Uryū stood up and wandered out of the house. He needed some air. He stopped when he got to the soccer field and watched some of the younger kids play for a while.

“Uryū, hey,” came a voice, and he looked to see it was Keigo. He smiled ad walked up with his hands in his pockets. “Yo man, what’s up. Long time no see. How are you?”

Uryū sighed. “Been better. Worried over a few things, is all.”

“I heard Ichigo came back to town. He didn’t come visit though,” he said sadly. “You see him?”

Uryū swallowed a thick ball and nodded. “Um, yeah. I did.”

“How is he? I heard he went off to Tokyo and is living some artist’s life or something. Painting, of all things,” he said with a smirk. “Never saw that coming. He never did well in art at all.”

Kon, not Ichigo, Uryū said in his head. “He’s a bit different, but still him, you know.”

Keigo stood and watched the kids playing. “Something bothers you,” he said finally.

“Yeah, a big something,” he said with a sigh.

Keigo was quiet for a while. “Uryū,” he said finally. “What…” He stopped. “I’ll understand if you can’t tell me. But I know…for a long time…that isn’t Ichigo. Not really.”

Uryū’s head snapped toward him without meaning to do so. Sometimes he forgot Keigo was slightly spiritually aware. He smiled sadly. “Yeah. Not really. The artist is a bit different, you know, than the person we used to know.”

“So…what happened to him?” he asked. Uryū knew he didn’t mean Kon.

“Thought he was gone, dead. So sure of it, but he isn’t,” he said quietly. “What’s left…” Uryū sighed deeply now. “It is so different and so broken.”

Keigo nodded. “Sometimes, broken things are prettier than new ones, you know.” Keigo smiled and handed Uryū something. Uryū looked at it. It was a packet of gold filler, the kind used to fix broken pots. “I started helping repair pottery a few weeks ago at a shop. I thought it was stupid, you know, why fix a broken pot instead of just buying a new one. I mean, all that work, just to fix something easily replaced. But then, I got to realizing…broken doesn’t mean it can’t be valuable and fixed. This old lady, she came in last week. She had this tea pot. When she handed it to me, it had cracked into three pieces, but I could see it had been broken several times already, you know. I asked why she kept fixing it.” Keigo nodded to himself it seemed. “She just said it had history. She’d gotten it on her wedding day, and she’d dropped it when she went into labor with her oldest daughter. Then she’d knocked it from the table when her husband had a heart attack. And this time, her little granddaughter had pulled it off the living table. So there was a lot to it. So we fixed it. And when I looked at it, with all those gold filled cracks, I thought about all those things that the old woman saw in that pot.”

Uryū nodded. “What are you telling me this for?”

“Just…go for what you want, Uryū. Not what everyone thinks you should. If…if you know where Ichigo is, and he’s broken, then maybe you could help fix him a little.”

Keigo walked away and he wasn’t sure how to feel about getting wisdom from him. But he supposed, they all had changed a lot along the way. He knew what he should do. He made the slow walk to the Kurosaki house. He knocked and Kon answered with a smile.

“Oh, Uryū, didn’t expect you,” he said and let him in. Uryū could see past the smile. He knew too well the pain that was hidden behind it.

“Who is it?” came Yuzu’s voice.

“It’s Uryū,” Kon answered as they came into the house.

“Uryū!” she said as she came out. “Show me the bow thing! They said I could see it if you did it for me!”

Uryū blinked. “Bow thing?”

Kon sighed. “Isshin gave the girls the whole story, so they know about Quincies, and that their mother was one. So she’s been bugging us to death about it since she can’t see her father as a Shinigami, obviously.”

Uryū frowned, but shook his head and turned, manifesting his bow. Yuzu squealed loudly enough to bring Karin running from the back of the house. She rolled her eyes as Uryū dropped his arm with a shake of his head. He looked up to see Isshin coming down in soul form.

“Uryū-kun, you’ve come just in time. We were about to head to Soul Society. Would you like to come with us? Kon, Seras, and Aiko are going, and the girls are going to cover for me here at the clinic, saying I’m on vacation,” he said as he walked toward the door, opening it just as Renji was about to knock.

“Kurosaki-san, are you ready?” he asked with a strange look. The fact that he hadn’t even gotten to knock rattling him a bit.

“I am, Uryū will be coming along,” he said.

Uryū blinked. He hadn’t actually said he was going, he thought, but he would. He followed them out and a few minutes later Kon and his two companions emerged. They followed Renji through the senkaimon and back into Soul Society. As they stepped out into the other world, Uryū felt his heart hammer in his chest. He didn’t know what to expect. He glanced at Renji.

“Is…is he still at the fourth?” he asked.

Renji shook his head. “Um, no, we moved him to Kuchiki Manor. Come, we’ll be putting you all up there as well. It will be best for him to have people around.”

Renji led them all in, showing Kon, Seras, and Aiko to their room first, then leading Isshin and Uryū outside where Rukia was sitting outside the partially opened doorway to Ichigo’s room. She looked up at them with a sad smile.

“Any progress?” Isshin asked as he sat down on the path beside her. Uryū stood near the door, unsure if he should go in and see to him or wait and let Isshin tend him if need be.

She sighed. “Nii-sama gave him some chocolate earlier, and he seemed to feel a little better. But when we asked what he wanted, he was shocked he could ask for food. And then he said something about having it taken away. I get the impression that Aizen would offer him something and then take it away just to cause him pain.” She glanced at the late afternoon sky. “He was exhausted, but we finally managed to get him to lie down with that Arrancar’s help.”

There was a soft moan in the room behind them. Since the door was partially slid open, they could see he was thrashing in his sleep. Rukia and Isshin stood up and went in. Uryū followed them. The last Rukia wanted was him trying to flay the skin off his arms in his sleep again. She kneeled beside him as his breathing hitched and he muttered under his breath. She wanted to touch him, but she wasn’t sure if that would help or hurt at the moment.

Then his eyes flashed open and he stared at her and started to hyperventilate immediately. “No! Leave me alone…” he gasped in between panting breaths and covered his eyes, pushing backward into the wall behind him. Rukia stepped back, a twinge at her heart. He was more coherent, at least.

Uryū saw him starting to tear at his hair, frowning when he came away with a hand full of orange strands. He didn’t think, really, only reacted. He had barely registered that on the other side of the room, the purple eyed Arrancar was crouched and watching them. Uryū just reached out and grabbed both his wrists to pull them away from his head. Ichigo fixed him with an intense stare, but didn’t flinch away.

“I-Uryū?” he asked, looking around him, seemingly lost. “Uryū,” he said again more sure of himself this time. “Uryū. Uryū…” he kept repeating.

Rukia looked at the Quincy and nodded at him. Uryū carefully sat down on the low futon, not letting go of his wrists where he lightly gripped them. Ichigo was still nodding and repeating his name at random times, looking around the room, pointedly avoiding Rukia at all costs. His eyes also seemed to skip over Isshin’s presence as well as the Arrancar. Finally, his eyes came up and met Uryū’s again. He looked at where his hands were gripping his wrists and he turned his hands around in the grip and brushed his hands over Uryū’s carefully, as though the other man’s hands were fragile. He looked up and nodded.

“Stay?” he asked quietly. “Uryū…safe.”

To say that you could have knocked Uryū over with a feather was an understatement. He nodded slowly to his friend and saw him relax his back; his hands still lay on top of the Quincy’s own. He nodded again, more sure then dropped back to the bed, but as soon as Uryū started to stand, he felt a frantic hand on his leg and saw the wide eyed stare in Ichigo’s eyes. He bit down on his lip and nodded, sitting back down, Ichigo’s hand not moving this time from Uryū’s leg. And then, moments passed, and he had settled into a quiet sleep.

Rukia looked at Uryū. “I’ll find you a pillow or two, that’s the calmest I’ve seen him.”                       

“But why?” he asked, looking down at the face that he had thought he knew and at one time hated just for being a Shinigami.

She smiled. “Uryū, you weren’t there. Aizen didn’t use you to torture him. You, Urahara, Chad, Orihime…he feels like you’re safe, where he’s still trying to separate in his head that the illusion of us and the real us here in soul society are different things. I’m sure he would have reacted the same way with the others. He just needs to feel human contact again, Unohana said. Contact not equated with pain.”

“I thought that once the cuffs were removed, he’d, you know, be normal again, he’s still talks like a child…” he said, thoughtfully, now dropping a hand onto his head. He almost fliched and glanced to see Isshin watching him. Was it odd for him to be doing this with Isshin’s son? He felt somewhat embarrassed to be showing such outward affection.

A presence at the doorway made them all look up. It was Byakuya watching. “Unohana-Taichou told me that his mind is mended, but he is used to acting a certain way. Breaking those habits will take time. He’s finally stopped calling himself pet, and is using I to refer to himself. It isn’t much, but she says it is a marked improvement. His entire consciousness was nearly crushed, so it has to take time.”

Byakuya sighed, nodding to Isshin and left them. Rukia went to retrieve the pillows and returned with them. Isshin said nothing but eventually went to his own room to do some thinking of his own. He understood all the things that Unohana had said, but there were inconsistencies. It was almost like there were differing versions of his son. He worried at that, but it was a discussion come the next day. For not, he wanted to head into the Rukogai and find some pho and sake.

After Isshin left, and Rukia handed over the pillows, Uryū nodded to her. He took the offered pillows and put them behind his back. He leaned against the wall and sighed. He’d stretched his legs out across the futon, and Ichigo had fallen asleep against his leg with one hand clutching his thigh. It wasn’t that uncomfortable, and for some reason, he was happy that he could be the one to offer him some security while they tried to return Ichigo’s mind to a stable condition. He ran his fingers through the tangled, long orange hair. It was still somewhat dingy, as they hadn’t gotten him into a real bath yet, just sponged him off while he was out. He figured that would be the first step in the morning. Sleep eventually found him, and his mind drifted away.

 -oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Kon settled in on the futon between Seras and Aiko. Niether had spoken much, nor had they mentioned Kon’s choice not to see Ichigo again today. It was late afternoon when they had arrived, and since then, Kon had busied himself setting up their temporary lodging. He’d grabbed a backpack with some things that they’d need, but he knew Byakuya ad Rukia would provide anything else that they needed. As night had fallen, they had sat on the decking and watched the night. Kon had told his partners a little about Soul Society, and they had in turn explained some things about themselves to him.

He guessed now it made sense why they had never been bothered by the odd thigns that he said or did. Since they were aware of hollows, as well as all the other things in the world, it wasn’t that surprising to find out how different Kon was to others.

“Will…will you stay with me?” Kon said as they snuggled into each other.

Aiko snorted. “Of course, Kon, why wouldn’t we? We love you.”

Kon sighed. “I just, I’ll be different, and you know now, I…I’m not even human to start with…”

“We told you what we were, Kon. We aren’t going to reject you for being something besides human,” Seras said as she nuzzled into the hollow of his neck from the front.

They generally slept on either side of him, with Aiko lying behind Kon. Their relationship was not conventional in any means, but more than that, Kon belonged to them. He felt it in his whole being that he was theirs completely, and when he thought that, he felt happy. He didn’t know why. It seemed fulfilling to have someone want him to belong to them. Ever since the first day they had met, Kon had belonged to them. He felt Seras run her gentle fingers through his hair and he sighed deeply. Behind him, Aiko had slid both hands around under the band of his pajama pants and stroked his hips. 

“Do you need us?” Aiko whispered into the back of his neck, pausing to lick gently just under his hairline.

He felt the full body tremble take him, and then his breath hitched hard. Seras shifted and pulled his head up and locking her eyes onto him. The tears were beginning, and both Seras and Aiko knew what it meant.

He needed them.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Uryū awoke to the smell of food. He blinked slowly and saw that Byakuya’s servants had brought him and Ichigo a couple covered dishes. His stomach agreed with his nose that he was starving and it smelled wonderful. He moved to get up but felt hands clench around his waist. He looked down to realize that during the night, Ichigo had moved and wrapped both arms around his waist and buried his head in his lap. And it appeared that letting go of him wasn’t going to be an option while he was asleep. Uryū frowned, not sure if he liked becoming a security blanket or not. He heard a throat clear and looked up to see Renji staring at the compromising position. Uryū flushed immediately red.

“Um, yeah, he…”

Renji smiled. “At least he’s letting someone get close enough to hold him. He needs it,” he said, not an ounce of mockery in his voice.

Uryū smiled. “Does it count if he’s asleep?”

“I think so,” Renji said with a nod.

Uryū looked up. “He needs a bath, badly, his hair looks like its brown. Is there one nearby?” he asked as Renji pushed the small table with the tray close enough for Uryū to reach without getting up.

Renji nodded. “Yeah, just out the door and around to the right, there’s a bath. There’s clothes and towels over there on the dresser I laid out for you. I…I was going to ask you to do it, I doubted he would let me take him.”

Uryū nodded. “Yeah, me too,” he said as he ate the offered eggs and ham quickly. Not really a traditional breakfast, but he guessed that Byakuya’s chefs were experimenting.

As he finished, he found Ichigo watching him quietly from his place in his lap without moving. He looked down, finding it odd that Ichigo’s head in his lap didn’t seem to bother him in the slightest. He smiled gently. “There’s breakfast, then you’re going in the bath,” Uryū said.

Ichigo looked confused. “Bath? Pet…I can bathe?”

Uryū frowned. “Of course, you look like you haven’t had a bath in a long time. Didn’t they let you bathe?”

He shook his head. “Not real bath.”

“One room,” Uryū heard from the other side of the room.

Uryū started slightly, having forgotten that the Arrancar was even there. He was so quiet most the time. “In one room,” he said again. Uryū saw that the servants had brought him a food tray as well for breakfast, but he’d eaten already and now sat with his back to the wall and watched Uryū ad Ichigo. Uryū had to wonder how long he’d watched them sleep. Something about that was extremely bothersome. Uryū cleared his throat, trying to ignore that and looked at Ichigo.

“Okay, here, sit up and eat something,” he said nodding at Ichigo.

Ichigo slowly unwrapped his arms from Uryū’s waist and sat up, staring at the plate in front of him. Ichigo looked at it blankly until Uryū picked up his hand and put the chopsticks into it, remembering he was right handed. Ichigo stared at them for a long moment, as though trying to remember how to use them. Uryū groaned inwardly. Of course, he probably couldn’t even remember how to do such a simple thing after what had happened to his head.

“Here,” Uryū said, helping him as one helped a child learn to use the utensils.

After a moment, he was clumsily using them, steadily improving. Most likely he was slowly recalling how to use them, his body retraining something he hadn’t done in so long. Five years, even without the damage to his mind, would be a long time to go without using some basic skills like using utensils. At first, Ichigo was timid as he ate, and kept glancing up at Uryū as if to make sure it wasn’t going to be taken. When he was done, he stared at the empty plate curiously, and then ran his fingers around the outside.

“Okay, ready to get cleaned up properly?” Uryū asked, smiling at him and standing.

Ichigo sat still for a while and looked up. Uryū reached out, and felt him grab his hand in a painfully hard grasp. He winced but let him. He slowly led him to the door, grabbing the towels and a clean yukata as they went. He hoped this went well. Being clean and comfortable went a long way to feeling better.


	7. Shatter His World

 

“So basically, he has to redo tasks to recreate the paths in his head to be able to do them?” Renji said, looking at Urahara, who was humming over his read outs.

Urahara nodded. “Basically, the only thing that was safe was the part that the hollow protected, the core of his soul. And even that was damaged. None of these readings make sense though. Even after the hollow did whatever he did…”

The eccentric scientist looked thoughtful. “Okay, think of it this way, the hollow somehow managed to create a pure reiatsu barrier that over the years was all he was pouring energy into. It was a shield of sorts, keeping the core of his soul away from the raging lightning that was striking out looking for that small core of his soul. Mayuri-san was impressed by this, so that’s saying something. Whoever made this is a genius, a sadistic horrible genius, but a genius nonetheless.”

Renji rubbed his head. “So…that’s why he can’t figure out how to do things that he should know, and why he can’t talk like normal?”

“Well, it is a combination of two things. First, the hollow basically had to rebuild a huge portion of his mind, including his memories. Second, he’d been basically programed to respond to commands during the time that his mind was shattered. He was essentially no more than a trained pet for that time. That was, after all, what they sought to accomplish. It wasn’t meant to be fixed,” Urahara said softly.

By now, Rukia had wandered to the large table in the fourth division where Urahara was methodically going over readings. “What do you mean, it wasn’t meant to be fixed?”

Urahara sighed. “He was meant to stay that way. What they did was permanent, at least it should have been. Even after restoring his mind to full capacity, the overriding instincts and programming would have kicked in. He would gain new memories, but everything that was lost would remain so. As I’m sure you noticed the scars on his forearms weren’t affected by Inoue’s magic like usual. Inoue can do much, but she cannot restore a soul that’s been ripped apart or obliterated. And that device was meant to slowly obliterate his soul, leaving him merely a husk of what he had been.”

Rukia shook her head. “That’s terrible. I mean, that’s above and beyond just trying to get the king’s key like we’ve suspected. If he wanted to destroy him like that, what happened?”

There was a deep sigh as Urahara laid out two scans. One was a reading of Ichigo’s reiatsu before and the other after the cuffs had finally been extracted. “He wasn’t expecting us to extract the cuffs, for one, and for another he wasn’t expecting Ichigo’s hollow to protect him like that. Since both things happened, that core of soul has been released, and now it is trying to reassert itself in him. But, he was under the illusion before the cuffs were used, so even in his soul core, he is still fighting that illusion. His training is trying to take over when he’s in stressed situations and when hit with the wrong stimulus he’ll panic.”

“So what do we do?” Rukia asked softly. “I mean, he can’t go home like this, they’ll put him away in one of those hospitals and he’ll never leave again.”

Urahara nodded. “You are correct, so we have to get him to come back to himself here. And I have to warn you…I can’t say if he’ll ever be exactly the same. There was damage to the soul core towards the end. How much is hard to tell at this point. Something is off on these scans and I can’t seem to identify it. At this point, it is up to him. But…I’ll caution you both. To return to his whole self will bring all of it back, all the memories that he may only vaguely remember at this point. His hollow released them in full, but he’s reacting and trying to push them away.”

Renji nodded. “Oh, I found him wrapped around Uryū this morning!” he said as if remembering suddenly.

Rukia arched a brow and Urahara smiled broadly. “Was he? What happened?”

“Well, Rukia said last night he wouldn’t let Uryū leave, and he slept easier. So, I went to see about getting him a proper bath this morning and he had his arms around Uryū’s waist and his head in his lap. Poor Uryū looked like a trapped rat when he realized he couldn’t get up and that I’d walked in on him,” he said with a grin.

Urahara let out a slow sigh. “That’s an incredible improvement in a short time. It isn’t Byakuya-san but it’s a place to start. At least he’s reaching out to someone. Will Uryū stay with him?”

Rukia shrugged. “I…he has school, unless he wanted to get excused from it.”

Renji grinned wolfishly until Rukia frowned at him. “I left him this morning taking Ichigo to the bath…I wonder how that went…”

Rukia sighed. “Only you, pervert. Anyway, we should let Uryū know about this retraining thing so he understands why he’s having to show him how to do simple things again.”

“Please, do, Rukia-san. Make sure he understands that he is going to go slowly at first, but he will regain the skills very quickly. Unlike a child who has to be shown many times, he may only need to be shown once and allowed to practice to pick up skills. It will all be things that he wasn’t allowed to do while he was trained. So I imagine a bath was an experience…” Urahara said thoughtfully.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Urahara had no idea how right he was. About the bath, of course. Uryū led Ichigo down into the room and he just stood there looking around quietly. Uryū turned on the water to fill the tub and turned back to see Ichigo staring at his reflection in the large mirror. He reached out and touched the reflection, a frown marring his face as he looked over himself in the light-colored yukata.

Uryū cleared his throat, but got no response, so he moved closer and tapped his shoulder, seeing him jump a bit and then turn to him. “What’s the matter?”

“That’s me,” Ichigo said absently, still holding a finger to the reflection. “It’s not me.”

Uryū frowned. “What do you mean?”

“This…this is not…but…it is…” he stammered over the words, obviously confused about what he was trying to get across.

“Well, it is you _now._ But once you’re better and back to normal it will really be you again,” he said pulling him away from the reflection.

Ichigo stared at him thoughtfully, as though the words were taking a while to process. And of course, the truth was, that was exactly what was happening. Thoughts were like mud to him right now, especially when Pet and Truth were both trying to assert control at the same time. Then he heard Child giggling in the background and he wanted to scream. To have all three of them vying for control was tearing his head apart. It made things so slow. His thoughts tended to flow sluggishly or trickle where they used to gush in floods in his quick mind. He knew this was wrong. He knew it at his very core, but it was like he was stuck in glue entirely. His tongue would stick and the words would choke and he couldn’t even complete a coherent thought.

And now he was trying to figure out how to get across to Uryū what he meant. And it was _important._ But again, his tongue stuck and stuttered until the words died before they’d even begun.

This was the effect of trying to make things reconnect in his mind and being unable. The segments of his soul didn’t help matters, but he honestly couldn’t make things work. Whatever Shiro had fixed was still damaged. Shiro had done his best, but things weren’t fixed at all. He was shattered beyond belief, and he had no way to tell Uryū this.

Uryū frowned as he watched the struggle play out on Ichigo’s face and then he watched as Ichigo finally let out a resigned sigh. It was almost worse to see this than watching him struggle with figuring out chopsticks again. Then he thought, what else did he have to relearn? He glanced at the bath. If he hadn’t actually been allowed to have a real bath in years… He would have no idea how to go about it at all by now. Well, Uryū thought, stripping his shirt off and figuring there was nothing to it. Wasn’t like Ichigo had anything he didn’t have.

“Ichigo, we’re going to put you in the water now, is that okay?” he said, leading the still dressed Ichigo to the side of the bath. Ichigo stared at it, frowning deeply, and Uryū almost smiled because he _almost_ looked like he was about to knit his brow together in that familiar scowl.

A shiver took him and he shook his head. “Ah…no.”

Uryū frowned. “You need to wash out your hair, and a good warm soak will help your muscles feel better, too.”

Ichigo crossed his arms, clutching his shoulders protectively. “It hurts…” he muttered, staring at the water.

“Ichigo, you don’t have any wounds, so there’s nothing that will sting, remember, they healed them all up?” he said, thinking perhaps that the problem was that when he’d had water used it was to clean wounds.

He shook his head. “No, hurts here,” he said slowly, patting his chest.

At first, Uryū couldn’t figure out what he meant then his eyes widened slightly. “Ichigo, did they try and hold your head under water?”

Ichigo nodded. “Coughing; it hurts. Hot. Cold. Hurts.”

Uryū sighed. Great. Another hurdle he had to get past with him. He looked around, trying to figure out how in the world he was going to get someone who had acquired a fear of water into a bath of water.

“Oi, Ichigo, if I get in with you, will you sit with me?” he asked, thinking leading by example would help. “I’ll get in and sit down and you get in afterward. You’ll be fine.”

Ichigo looked at him and thought for a long while. Uryū was sure the slow thinking process was going to kill him. Then he realized it must be torture for Ichigo, having always been quick with wit, retorts, and insults. “Hot?” he asked, frowning again, staring at the tub of water.

Uryū shook his head, then sighed. He undid his pants but stayed in his boxers. He stepped into the water. “See? It isn’t hot, it is nice and warm.”

Ichigo stepped forward nodding and slowly stepped into the water. Uryū smiled. Victory! Then he realized he was still in the Yukata. Well, that wouldn’t do.

“Ichigo, we have to take this off so you can get all the way clean, okay?” he said, untying it as Ichigo watched numbly.

He turned him around and pulled it off his shoulders then pressed down so he could sit. At first, Ichigo started a little and then relaxed as Uryū kneeled beside him. He almost looked surprised that he was safe and he nodded, his hands playing under the surface of the water slowly.

“You remember how to do this?” he asked, holding up a soapy sponge. Ichigo tilted his head to the side and blinked that slow blink that Uryū was beginning to understand meant he was trying very hard to make the connection between the object and what he was supposed to use it for. He’d seen it when he retaught him the chopsticks. A long slow blink as he tried to gather the thoughts.

“Didn’t think so,” Uryū said with a sigh and placed it in his hand, and proceeded to direct his hands to washing himself with it. It only took a few times and he seemed to pick up on it and soon enough he’d cleaned all of himself except his hair.

As soon as Uryū reached for his head though, he flinched, splashing water out onto the floor. Well, what did he expect? Of course, he wasn’t going to want someone to hold his head in the water if they’d used water to torture him and force him to breathe in water. He figured he’d lead by example this time. He picked up the pouring cup and doused his own black hair. Ichigo watched, again, long slow blink, making those connections. Uryū handed him a full pouring cup to him to indicate for him to do it. He was about to and Uryū stopped him.

“Close your eyes and your mouth and don’t breathe until the water’s gone, okay?” he reminded him. Last thing he needed was him to accidently drown himself.

He poured the water over his head slowly and sputtered a little, but despite panting a bit, looked okay. Uryū poured a dab of shampoo in his hand and worked it into his own hair and then held it out to Ichigo to see if he’d let him do the same for him. He didn’t quite trust in Ichigo’s ability to thoroughly clean the mess on his head. It was a long unruly mess. He slowly nodded and Uryū moved behind him and began the process. He was quite disgusted by the mats and nests in his hair, and underneath, quite a few places flaked with dried blood and he didn’t even want to know what else. He frowned and reached over to his pants and pulled out his spare sewing kit, taking out a small set of scissors.

“Ichigo, I’m going to have to cut some of these spots out, and I’ll trim it up so it doesn’t look bad, okay? It’s way too long for you right now anyway,” he said, proceeding to snip quickly, until to his pleasure the hair, though still a little long, looked much closer than in once had to the way he normally wore it. When he was done, there was a pile of dingy hair on the floor, and his hair now came down just below his shoulders. He smiled at his work, the hair damp but already attempting to stick straight out in the untamed way he was used to seeing. He’d managed to remove all the nests and matted spots, and in the middle of all that, Ichigo had leaned back against him. To his surprise, he looked down as his head flopped backward, and he realized, he’d fallen asleep.

“Jeeze, Uryū, now you take baths with him? People are gonna talk,” Renji’s voice came from the doorway, making him nearly jump, almost dropping the scissors in the water.

“Dammit, Renji, don’t do that,” he muttered. “Here, can you help me, I have to rinse his hair, he fell asleep while I was clipping out the mats and stuff.”

Renji faltered. “Is that a good idea, what if he wakes up?”

Uryū rolled his eyes. “Look the water is turning cold, and if I don’t get him out, he’s going to freeze and so am I.”

Renji nodded. “What should I do?” he asked as he kneeled beside the tub.

“Here, just hold up his shoulders up out of the water while I rinse this soap off him. Don’t jostle him; I nearly didn’t get him in the damn bath. Apparently, they had tried to drown him a time or two. Said water hurt his chest, and then he asked if it was hot, so that’s why I had to get in. I wonder if there was anything they didn’t torture him with. Food, water, baths… How sick and twisted can you get? So now I’m soaked to the bone to get him here. Otherwise he wasn’t coming near it,” he said as Renji held him up, Uryū held up his head as he ran water over the now bright orange hair. That did look a lot more like the Ichigo he remembered.

Unfortunately, even though he would have liked the simple thing to have gone like that, Ichigo chose that moment to open his eyes. He saw Renji leaning over him. Renji’s eyes widened as Ichigo’s blinked and twitched wildly as he started to fight against him. Uryū cursed under his breath, dropping the container and wrapping both arms around his back, as Renji jerked backward away from him.

“Dammit,” Renji muttered under his breath, his kusodo soaked and half his hakama as water violently sloshed out of the bath at him.

“Ichigo, stop, I’m here, remember?” Uryū said, and the thrashing stopped, though he could feel the hammering of Ichigo’s heart under his arms. “Remember, Renji is your friend? Aizen hurt you, and used Renji’s face. But it wasn’t him, remember?”

Ichigo’s breathing leveled off and his heart began to slow as he stared at the now half naked Renji. Pet kept trying to shove thoughts in his mind about how he had to obey Renji. Truth was pushing back though. This wasn’t the smirking Renji. This was the warm Renji, which was fierce but loyal, that he’d fought with but who lost and wanted Ichigo to still save Rukia for him. Ichigo frowned again, a long slow blink, and reached outward toward Renji’s face. Renji moved forward, eyes flitting between Ichigo’s hand and Uryū who gave a slight nod. He gently brushed fingertips over his cheek and jumped when a smile spread across his face but…it was a real smile…so he touched his fingertips against his cheek again.

He closed his eyes. “Renji…not Renji-sama,” he whispered as if trying to convince himself. “Renji is a friend, not Renji-sama…Renji-sama hurt me, not Renji.”

Renji nodded enthusiastically. “That’s right, Ichigo. That’s right. It was an illusion, Aizen made it.”

“Tired,” Ichigo said with a sigh, nearly falling into Uryū again.

“Okay, hey, let’s get you out and dry and in fresh clothes, first okay?” Uryū said, pulling him to his feet and wrapping a towel about his waist and one around his shoulders. Renji snickered and pointed to Uryū’s soaked boxers. He got a glare in return.

Between the two of them, they dried and dressed the half-asleep orange haired Shinigami. Renji was just happy he wasn’t flinching away and screaming every time he came near. But he knew that it might happen again. Five years locked into that hellish illusion had taken its toll on him. Renji thought it would have killed someone else besides Ichigo. He wondered if he could have lived through the hell he’d gone through, and as strong as he considered himself, he seriously had his doubts.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Shūhei sighed as he wandered through Kuchiki manor and knocked on the door they’d said Ichigo and Uryū were in. It was open, so he looked in to see the blonde Arrancar that had brought Ichigo back to Soul Society sitting on one of the futons with a flower twirling between his hands. He looked up when Shūhei came into the room. Despite his intentions, Shūhei needed to know something. He went into the room and approached him.

“Hey, do you remember what happened before you died the first time?” he asked.

Wonderweiss looked at him and nodded once.

“What happened with Tōsen-taichou? Why did he turn into that thing he was?” Shūhei asked.

Wonderweiss looked at him for a moment. “Tōsen was good to me.”

Shūhei blinked. “What do you mean?” Shūhei wasn’t familiar with the two ways that Wonderweiss communicated, so he didn’t note that he was speaking in the complete way he had now and then.

“Tōsen did his best,” Wonderweiss said. “I liked him. I was sad that he was gone when I came back,” he said and sighed. “Tōsen would have not liked what Aizen did to my Friend Pet.”

Shūhei frowned and then stood up as Renji and Uryū came in leading a half asleep looking Ichigo. He was clean, at least, and his hair wasn’t a matted-up mess. It seemed the bath had succeeded. He watched as Uryū got Ichigo onto the bed and then looked at him.

“Hisagi, what did you need?” Uryū asked tiredly.

“Urahara-san sent me to find out if you were staying or if we need to make arrangements to have someone stay with him when you go,” Shūhei asked with a nod.

Uryū stopped. “I…I should stay, but I need to go back to the World of the Living and make arrangements for my classes. Ah, can someone stay with him at least until I get back?” he asked, nervously.

“Yeah, let me go see who’s free. I’ve got duties right now, or I could…”

Renji looked at him. “I can take you across and bring you back if Shūhei can find someone to sit with him for a while.”

“Maybe Kon?” Uryū asked with a glance at the two lieutenants.

“I don’t think that’s good for either of them,” Renji said. “I saw Kon with his two lovers earlier and he’s having a really tough time with this. Shiba-san would be the next person, but Ichigo seems detached from him as well.”

“Well, find out who can do it, I’ll wait here until someone can replace me,” Uryū said as he sat down beside him.

Uryū had actually almost fallen asleep when someone shook his shoulder. He looked up to see Renji and Komamura-taichou.

“Komamura-taichou offered to stay with him for a while until Shūhei can come back,” Renji explained. “How long do you think it will take you to arrange things?” Renji asked as Uryū followed him out the door.

“A few hours, I think. I don’t want to leave him alone all night,” Uryū said as he glanced back. Wonderweiss had gone out to play in the garden and Sajin sat down nearby with a book to read.

Sajin watched them leave and then looked out to see what the Arrancar was doing. He seemed innocent enough, but he, and all the other captains, were suspicious. He could have sent anyone else, but the head captain had decided that they needed to keep someone with at least a Bankai near Ichigo. Despite the appearances, Ichigo still was capable of a lot of damage, and in his state, he could be dangerous. Byakuya was out of the house currently, and with Renji leaving with Uryū, the head captain had wanted someone to stay with him. Considering Ukitake and Kyōraku were both used against him, Sajin thought he would be able to handle him.

Ichigo woke and stared at the ceiling. A smile spread across his face because Child had managed to sneak control away from Truth and Pet. They were arguing again, and they hadn’t noticed at all. He giggled and rolled onto his stomach to look around the room. His eyes landed on Sajin and he tilted his head to the side.

“Puppy?” he asked in a much higher pitched voice than normal.

Sajin blinked and looked at him, surprised at the strange reaction. “Ichigo?” he asked.

Ichigo crawled toward him curiously and then sat up on his knees beside him. He reached out and stroked a hand over Sajin’s face. “Soft,” he muttered in that same higher pitched voice. He sighed and crawled past him and looked outside. Wonderweiss was still there.

“Play!” Ichigo nearly shrieked, startling both Sajin and Wonderweiss who looked up with an equally confused face.

“Pet friend?” Wonderweiss said from where he was sitting in the flowers.

“No!” Ichigo said as he scrambled to his feet and out into the garden. “Pet fighting with Truth…” he muttered just loud enough for Sajin to hear.

Sajin frowned and turned to watch them. Ichigo sat down and began to do something that could only be described as playing. Wonderweiss looked confused by it as well, but went along with what Ichigo was doing. Ichigo seemed serene almost as he plucked flowers and began weaving them together in a rope. He then put it together and set it on his head like a crown and smiled at Sajin brightly. He then yawn and blinked wearily.

“They fight still, Pet so bad,” he said as he came back into the room and flopped into Sajin’s lap, surprising him. “Pet bad, bad,” he said with a sigh and looked up at Sajin. “Sorry, pet bad.”

Sajin adjusted to hold him better as he seemed to fall back to sleep again. He was equal parts surprised and confused. He had heard the way he was acting, but this was even stranger. And what did he mean by those things he said? He pulled him against his chest and let him sleep light that. The Arrancar came in not long after and put the flower crown Ichigo had made on Sajin’s head. He laid down on the futon and fell asleep as well.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

“Kon, love, you need to stop beating yourself up,” Seras said with a sigh as Kon sat on the floor in their room and rocked.

“I should have known something was wrong,” he said again, swallowing a knot.

Aiko put his arm around Kon’s shoulders. “Kon, you have a martyr complex, and you need to stop. You had no way of knowing he wasn’t really dead. Just because you wore his form didn’t mean you had some connection that told you everything about him.”

Kon nodded. “I still feel responsible.”

“Stop that,” Rukia said from the doorway.

They all looked up at her. “Sister Rukia?” Kon said.

“Yeah, stop it. You need to quit acting like this. Ichigo doesn’t need to feel like he’s the cause of your pain, Kon, so pull yourself up. For him,” she said and grimaced. “We all feel responsible. We should have looked more, we should have done something, anything, to figure this out sooner. But none of us could have known. So instead of being mopey and full of self-hatred, we have to move on so we can help Ichigo. You want to help him, right?” Rukia demanded.

“Of course!” Kon said, sure of himself.

“Then stop acting like this. You know that if he gets his wits together, and he sees us like this, he’s going to blame himself. You know him. He’ll do anything to protect his friends and family. So we can’t let him know how much his pain is hurting us,” she said and Kon knew now he saw tears glistening in her eyes despite her firm voice. “We have to show him we are strong so he can be strong. Okay?”

Kon nodded. “You’re right, I’m…I’m sorry,” he said with a sigh. “I just am having a hard time handling all of this.”

“I know, Kon. I know,” she said and turned and left the room.

She shut the door and then headed down the hallway. Halfway down it she stopped and held herself up against the wall as she stifled a sob. She swallowed and breathed out. She had to make sure Ichigo didn’t see her like this. He could never know how much she blamed herself and how much it hurt that he’d suffered like he had.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Uryū returned as it was becoming dark. He and Renji came into the room to find Sajin reading a book with Ichigo curled up fast asleep in his lap. He looked up and smiled at them. Uryū shook his head and helped Sajin get him into the futon. Ichigo immediately grabbed onto Uryū once he was down on it. Uryū bid Sajin and Renji good bye and was secretly happy. Ichigo preferred to hold onto him. He stroked Ichigo’s hair and wondered exactly what was happening to him. Whatever it was his, Uryū knew that watching Ichigo suffer made his very heart ache.

Enraptured in Ichigo’s presence, Uryū didn’t notice Byakuya and Isshin looking in on them. The two Shinigami left the two and headed into the gardens together. Isshin looked at Byakuya.

“I sense you wish to say something,” Isshin observed.

“I am struggling with this situation, Shiba,” he said with a sigh.

Isshin nodded and looked on the moon. “Yeah, I’m sure you are. You don’t do well with situations you can’t control, even still,” Isshin said and smirked at stoic captain.

Byakuya shook his head. “Your son is someone I consider a great Shinigami, and he was willing to sacrifice everything to help us. That alone was enough to gain my admiration.”

“Kuchiki, stop being so uptight and proper for a while, won’t you?” Isshin said with a cocked eyebrow.

“What?” Byakuya exclaimed.

Isshin shook his head. “Just say what you mean, Byakuya.”

“I do not…” Byakuya began, but stopped, unable to continue.

“Not surprised you can’t,” Isshin muttered and shook his head. “As long as we live, there is something that we should never turn our backs on. That is people we consider special to us. Never let someone go without knowing what they mean to you, Byakuya. Even Shinigami die, and if you don’t tell people what they should hear, you never know. One word, one deed, it can change the outcome of an entire life.”

Byakuya stared at him. “I do not think you know what it is that I am…”

“I do, believe me. I know it when I see it. I know that look. The horror of knowing that Aizen had used your face to do something to Ichigo so unthinkable. I know why he used your face; do you?” Isshin said and turned to look on the other Shinigami. Byakuya said nothing, only watched him. “Aizen was good at knowing things he shouldn’t have. He was good at seeing past illusions we all put around ourselves. I think he saw that you cared for Ichigo. He knew that Rukia and Renji cared for him, beyond a doubt. But why you? Why use your face as his master?” Isshin smiled. “He knew that it would kill you to know what he’d done, should you find out. And make no mistake, he intended us to find out one day. Maybe not like this, but he did intend it.”

“You seem to believe that I have some sort of attachment to your son, and that is nto true. He is a good friend to Rukia, and…” Byakuya began.

“No, don’t do this with me,” Isshin said, turning serious eyes on him. “Don’t, not now. I spent the last five years mourning a dead son only to find out that not only is he not dead, he’s spent the last five years being tortured in the worst ways imaginable. He had no kindness. He had no love.” Isshin nodded. “If it would sooth his soul, I would see that every person in the worlds loved him from now until eternity. He…he is so broken, Byakuya. So, don’t…don’t pretend. Don’t stand on nobility or properness. Don’t do this. Do what you must, but just don’t act on anything but the truth of your heart. If you feel anything more than obligation, you need to acknowledge it. And stop pretending,” Isshin said and turned teary eyes on Byakuya. “I would give him to the moon if the moon could sooth his pain. So if you can sooth his pain, Byakuya Kuchiki, you do it, because I cannot.”

Isshin turned on his heel and left Byakuya standing in the moonlit garden wondering. Was Isshin right? Was there something more to his anger over what had been done in his name? It wasn’t proper…but what did that matter?

Byakuya Kuchiki was, for the first time in a long time, confused by his own heart.


	8. Shatter His Perceptions

Once more, Uryū found himself with a head in his lap when he awoke the next morning. Ichigo managed to eat breakfast successfully, and then he went out into the garden and sat with Wonderweiss. Uryū had been pleased that he seemed to have retained the information on how to eat properly. Renji had explained what Urahara said while they were in the World of the Living, and it made sense. He saw when he was processing things to try and reassert those connections. Doing them, however, made the connections solidify. That also meant that to get his speech to return to some semblance of normal, he had to talk. And as much as Uryū wanted that to happen, he really was not keen to find out what he was going to say.

“Ichigo?” he asked as he got him settled for lunch. “Would you like to walk around outside today? Just around the Serietei? Might jog some of those things in your head loose.”

He looked outside and then Uryū swore there was the ghost of a smile tugging at his lips. “Yeah, outside is nice,” he said quietly. “Walking is nice.”

Uryū nodded, well of course, he’d been chained up for five goddamned years, of course he would like to go walking around outside, something he hadn’t been able to do. It was lucky that the healing between Inoue and Unohana had made sure his muscles weren’t atrophied and unstable. Otherwise, walking would have been difficult without some intense physical therapy. As it was, he was certain he would tire easy. Uryū watched as he ate no longer glancing at him to ensure he was going to be allowed to do so. It was subtle, but it was there, and he was happy that Ichigo seemed to trust him more.

He shook his head, clearing his thoughts as he helped Ichigo get changed into fresh clothes. It was just easier to put him the simple yukata. Maneuvering his nearly unresponsive body into anything else was not a prospect. He would be glad when he felt comfortable enough to move under his own control without instruction, but he supposed that it was a lot to ask a couple weeks after the bloody cuffs that had nearly killed him were off. Wonderweiss had come in and was standing and watching them.

“Pet Friend is not better,” he said and then looked away as though he hadn’t spoken. Uryū frowned and shook his head.

Uryū carefully took Ichigo by the wrist and led him outside, and through the gates, trying to avoid as many of the Kuchiki people as he could. He glanced behind to see Wonderweiss was following him, looking around at the manor as he walked a little ways behind him. Uryū supposed he’d just have to deal with the Arrancar tailing him. When they got to the gate he informed them that they would be returning later that day after a walk. The guard looked confused but nodded. It was a quiet day and Uryū had brought him out after a late lunch, thinking that less people would be around. He was right, and watched as Ichigo slowly began to look around as he walked instead of staring at his feet. Ichigo didn’t say anything, and eventually smiled to himself as he let his hand go and it wasn’t grabbed back. Wonderweiss was walking close to him, but now and then would kneel and look at some small thing on the ground.

Uryū stretched again, feeling the kinks from sleeping sitting up two nights in a row. He sure hoped he would let him lie in the other futon tonight; either that or he’d just have to lie down beside him. He wasn’t sure that he could take sleeping like that much more.

“Oi, Quincy, Kurosaki!” came a call, and as usual, Ichigo had no response but continued walking. Uryū turned to see Ikkaku and Yumichika jogging up to them. He thought about waving them off, but instead held up a hand for them to stop. He knew they’d been used against him, but he’d taken to doing better with Renji, Rukia, and Byakuya. Wonderweiss, however, had gone to stand near Ichigo, stopping him as he was walking. Ichigo blinked and just seemed to stand there.

Uryū reached out and put his hand on Ichigo, who turned and stared at him blankly for a minute. “Ichigo, some friends came to see you, can we turn around?” he asked softly.

The frown returned but he nodded a bit. Ikkaku and Yumichika exchanged glances as they approached, and Ichigo turned to face them. He flinched violently away from them, though, eyes wide at them.

Uryū stood his ground, grabbing him by the shoulders to still him. “No, stop, Ichigo. Remember? Think.”

Wonderweiss stood beside him. “Pet Friend, okay, more Friends.”

Ikkaku and Yumichika had come up within an arm’s length by now, frowning. The last they had heard was that he was still injured and something about reiatsu sealing cuffs that messed with his head somehow. They had no idea how seriously, though.

Ichigo was shaking slightly as he looked them over one at a time. “Ikkaku…” he said and frowned, holding up his hands and rubbing them almost violently. It was obvious he was in a memory of Ikkaku’s double.

“Ichigo, it wasn’t Ikkaku, remember, the illusion?” he said softly. “Ikkaku would never hurt you like that. You fought each other and sparred, and your friends,” Uryū continued pulling his hands away from each other.

“Pierced hands,” he said softly, holding up his hands as though he expected there to be gaping holes in them. And in his mind, all Ichigo saw was that spear-like Zanpakutō slicing through both of his hands into the ground below them. But the face had been wrong. Something wrong with the face. “Was Ikkaku, wasn’t Ikkaku…burning cuts…burning from the jug…”

“Uryū, what the hell is wrong with him?” Ikkaku asked, finally.

Uryū let Ichigo struggle with his memories but kept his hands firmly on the back of his shoulders to keep him from bolting. He kept looking at his hands and rubbing them.

“How much did you hear about what happened?” Uryū asked them.

Ikkaku shook his head. “Something about him being held for a long time, and tortured and having his reiatsu sealed. Just something really bad and that he was pretty messed up. Enough to put everyone on edge, but we don’t know exact details.”

“Well, it was more than that. The cuffs that sealed his power nearly deteriorated his entire mind and soul. They were meant to destroy him completely and leave him a shell. But the worst is that each of you were used in Aizen’s perfect hypnosis. So for years, his tormenters were everyone from soul society. And obviously, Ikkaku was used at some point. You both were on the list of Shinigami that Arrancar told us Aizen used against him,” Uryū said as Ichigo’s gaze had returned to Ikkaku. “So right now, he’s trying to break through that illusion, but it is taking a lot of time. Which is why I’m here, I was never used against him.”

Yumichika and Ikkaku weren’t sure what to say. “What? Seriously?” Ikkaku finally said. “What the hell does he think I did to him?”

Uryū sighed, looking a bit uncomfortable. “Not sure, but considering he’s staring at his hands where there were some nasty sword sized wounds, my guess is his hands were pinned by your Zanpakutō in his illusion, Wonderweiss had said pain and dripping drinks…and when his inner hollow surfaced briefly, he said that Ikkaku had cut him and poured sake into the wounds,” he said, gesturing to the sake jug Ikkaku had on him today.

“The hell? Why would someone do that?” he asked. He reached out to grasp Ichigo’s shoulder to bring his eyes up from his hands, but as soon as the hand touched his shoulder he yelped and jerked away, nearly knocking Uryū over. If he hadn’t been prepared, he would have tumbled onto his ass. Wonderweiss grabbed his arm too, just in case it seemed.

“Ichigo!” Uryū asserted, holding him steady. “Stop, remember?”

“N-not him…stop…wouldn’t do this…stop…” he was muttering, shaking his head, going for his hair again snatching hands into the significantly shorter locks as he muttered again. Uryū moved in front of him and grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands away from his hair.

“Dammit, Ichigo, you’re going to snatch yourself bald if you do this every damn time we see someone new!” he growled.

Ichigo fixed him with a stare and a nod, his breath starting to slow a bit. “There, okay, see, what did I tell you?” Uryū said as he watched him calm.

“Not Ikkaku…was Ikkaku-sama…” he breathed finally. “Not Yumichika, was Yumichika-sama…”

“That’s right, that’s it, are you relaxed, can I let you go?” Uryū asked sighing. Ichigo’s short nod gave him rise to let go and return to his position behind him, just in case.

“Me? He used me too?” Yumichika asked as he heard his name.

Ichigo’s head popped up and he stared at him. A grimace passed his face as he rubbed at his stomach through the yukata. “Peeling…” Ichigo muttered.

Uryū winced just thinking about it. “From what I can tell, you two were sent to him together, and Yumichika…uh…he had marks where he’d had skin flayed off of him in pieces. The hollow confirmed it too. I mean, you two weren’t the worst of what happened, but I imagine that was bad enough.”

Yumichika blinked and then looked at Ikkaku. “Cutting him and flaying his skin wasn’t the worst of it?” he said quietly.

“Just what the hell else did Aizen and his Espada do to him?” Ikkaku asked incredulous.

Uryū bit the corner of his lip and shook his head. “Ikkaku, imagine the worst ways you can think to break someone’s will, and you have your answer. Whatever it is, or how bad you want to believe a person wouldn’t do to another, that’s what happened. And all the time with the faces of people he knew and loved.”

Ichigo’s attention had faltered though, and he was looking around randomly. Wonderweiss had found a few flowers, it seemed, and he was showing them to Ichigo.

About then, though, there was a flash step and a mountainous Kenpachi showed up with a pink haired creature on his back. “Ichi! Ichi is back!” Yachiru cheered. “You play with Keni-chan again, Ichi?”

Ichigo looked up where Kenpachi and Yachiru stood in front of him. It seemed that it took a minute to register the new faces before Ichigo stumbled backward, almost into Uryū. Ichigo tripped and fell flat on his ass and stared up at the eleventh division captain with a horrified expression. Before either Wonderweiss or Uryū could stop him, Ichigo was back to his feet and running, leaving a confused Kenpachi and stunned Yachiru with Ikkaku and Yumichika who were telling their captain to wait.

“Ichigo, stop, dammit!” Uryū yelled, extremely glad he didn’t seem to remember how to flash step. He didn’t have trouble keeping up with his own version of the fast movement. He caught him easily, but it took him a moment to get the flailing Shinigami under control, pinning his arms down and holding him against him. Wonderweiss stood beside him and twisted his hands into each other.

“Ichigo, I need you to think again, can you please?” he practically yelled in his ear, sensing the four slowly walking up behind him. He was next to a wall and was facing Ichigo studiously into it until he felt the muscles relax completely in his body. “Okay, stay like this, stay here and look at the wall, okay?” A small nod and he let go, finding to his relief Ichigo stayed in that position, eyes flitting back and forth over the wall. Wonderweiss moved up and put his hands on Ichigo’s shoulders.

Uryū let out an exasperated sign and turned to see the eleventh captain scowling. “What the hell happened to Kurosaki? I know what they said at the captain’s meeting, but he’s all sorts of fucked up.”

Uryū nodded. “It is going to take a while. His mind is still messed up, he doesn’t really know what is real and what was Aizen’s illusion. At least you guys weren’t the stars of Aizen’s illusion.”

Yumichika frowned and looked at the others. “What does that mean, stars of his illusion?”

“It means that Kuchiki-Taichou, Renji and Rukia were used against him on a daily basis. Others in soul society were used throughout, but from day one those three were his tormentors. So far as I’ve found, besides the physical torture and the…um…other…they used water, food, and about anything else to torture him,” Uryū answered, looking at the stock-still Shinigami behind him.

“The other?” Ikkaku echoed.

Uryū shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah, you know, besides beating him, slicing his skin, burning him and all that.”

It seemed to finally dawn on Yumichika, while the others seemed confused. “He did _that_? With our faces? To him?”

“Many times, now I’m going to keep going with him, it seems he’s nowhere near ready for Zaraki-Taichou yet,” Uryū said, pulling Ichigo and he walked obediently beside him, staring at his feet as he did.

He vaguely heard the sharp intakes of breath behind them as they walked away. He really hoped he didn’t have to explain this to every person he came across today. But this was necessary. If Ichigo didn’t reconnect with people in his life, he’d never get past the illusions blocking his brain. And that wouldn’t do it the slightest. Wonderweiss seemed to be wandering at the edges of the paths and collecting different flowers and plants as they went.

As he walked, Ichigo felt a sense of freedom he hadn’t in a long time. The idea that he could actually run from something he feared instead of cowering into a corner was freeing. He knew that the Kenpachi he saw wasn’t the same one who had tortured him, but his immediate instinct was to flee him. And to be able to actually flee…it reinforced the condition that he wasn’t under someone else’s control anymore. As strange as it seemed, running away seemed to have made several things click in his brain. He stopped and looked up. At least, that was how Truth saw things. The entire day had been a battle to keep Pet suppressed, and it hadn’t gone entirely well.

“Can we eat?” he asked softly, shocking Uryū. He’d not asked for anything before and it hadn’t been long since they’d had lunch. Wonderweiss wandered back and began to put flowers in Ichigo’s hair as he stood there.

Uryū nodded. “Yeah, come on, there’s a noodle place nearby.”

They got several curious looks, mostly Shinigami who knew of Ichigo but didn’t know him personally. A couple tried to say something only to be completely ignored by the orange haired Shinigami concentrating entirely on his bowl of soba. Uryū had hastily waved them away with a smile, hoping that no one would disturb them too much. Wonderweiss sat beside Ichigo, and garnered more attention than the broken Shingiami substitute, but he too ignored everyone. Everything seemed to be quiet for the most part, at least until he looked up to see Tōshirō and Matsumoto come into the place.

“I told you I didn’t want to eat lunch here, I just had breakfast!” Tōshirō said, trying to sound assertive and not like a whining kid.

“Oh, Taichou, come on, this is the only place that serves sake this early in the afternoon!” she complained, quite loudly whining.

“Why do you need…sake…” Tōshirō started but then locked eyes with Uryū who sat silently beside Ichigo who was leaned over his food and Wonderweiss who had finished his food and was staring into space.

Matsumoto looked back to see her captain had not followed her and frowned, starting to say something when she realized where his gaze had gone. She returned to his side and Uryū sighed, glancing at the oblivious male at his side. Tōshirō and Matsumoto hadn’t seen him since he’d awoken from the coma after having the cuffs removed.

Toshiro walked over and sat down at the table slowly in front of him and Matsumoto sat beside him. Both wondered if he’d look up to see them. Uryū sighed and shook his head.

“He won’t acknowledge you yet, not until I direct him to,” he said sadly.

“Why not?” asked Tōshirō. They both knew the basics, like everyone else, but only the Kuchikis and Renji had been through everything with them. They had attended to watch as Urahara removed the cuffs, a heart stopping affair that had been. They glanced at the Arrancar, still not quite understanding why he was being allowed to walk about freely.

Uryū nodded, reaching up and shaking him slightly. Ichigo turned his head and stared at Uryū for a moment. “Ichigo, look, some of your other friends? Friends, remember, okay? I don’t want to have to chase you halfway across the Seireitei again today, okay?”

Ichigo turned and looked over both of them, at first his eyes blank and breath even. Then, his eyes blinked exceedingly slowly and he stiffened, but Uryū kept his hands on his shoulder tightly. His breath hitched and he started to nearly hyperventilate, eyes wide with something akin to shock.

“No, Ichigo, think, okay?” Not them,” Uryū said quietly but strong.

Slowly his breath slowed and he closed his eyes for a long moment. “Tōshirō …not Tōshirō -sama. Tōshirō.” Wonderweiss moved and put an arm around his shoulders and leaned into Ichigo. He made a cooing noise that seemed to relax Ichigo somewhat.

“What is going on? What’s wrong with him?” Matsumoto asked, surprised. “I mean I know he was in bad shape…”

Uryū shook his head. “He’s trying to reawaken the soul core that wasn’t destroyed by those cuffs they put on him. So his head isn’t right yet. He’s shaking away the illusion that Aizen put there. He was tortured using soul society, and he’s started separating the figures in his head by calling those images that hurt him with sama, like he was forced to do with Aizen. Now if we could get him to stop calling Byakuya Master we’d be doing great…at least he quit calling himself pet…”

“Pet?” Ichigo quirked up beside him, his eyes bright for a moment. “Good pet…” he murmured.

“No, Ichigo, no. Not pet,” he said frowning. Dammit.

“Not pet…Ichigo,” he said with a final tone. “Not pet. Ichigo now,” he said, frowning again almost to the point of the familiar scowl. Wonderweiss patted him firmly on the back, and echoed back. “Not Pet Friend, Ichigo friend!”

“Uryū, how long is this going to take to get him back to…well normal?” Tōshirō asked.

He snorted. “Taichou, I wish I knew. Kurotsuchi-Taichou was amazed at the cruelty of what they did, so you can imagine how truly terrible it was. His soul core took some damage, but the hollow kept it from being destroyed like Aizen wanted. So he’s in there. But we aren’t sure how much of him is intact. Right now he has to recreate the thought process for the simplest things. It doesn’t take long, like couldn’t figure out how to use chopsticks. I showed him and today he’s using them like normal again.”

Matsumoto nodded. “But what’s the pet thing?”

“Aizen had him trained to be a pet after he used those cuffs to take away most of what made him who he was. So he was trained to respond to commands and that was it. He had no mind of his own, really,” Uryū said with a very deep sigh.

Ichigo had finished and now he stared at the empty dish. “I’m taking him back, though, by the time we get back, he’s going to want to sleep again,” Uryū said standing and pulling him up with him. He bid farewells and they headed back. Wonderweiss waited a second then looked at the others.

“Ichigo is not better yet. Ichigo is broken, fractured. He has to be put back together,” Wonderweiss said, his voice much different than a few minutes ago. He smiled and took off after Uryū and Ichigo.

Tōshirō frowned watching them go. “Can that really be Kurosaki?”

Matsumoto shrugged. “It has to be him in there somewhere…”

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Byakuya stood in the moongarden that night and thought about any way he could possibly make sense out of everything. What had Aizen known? He knew nothing, he couldn’t have known anything. There was nothing to be known. He sighed and turned around only to find Rukia standing there watching him.

“Nii-sama,” she said. “Tell me what you feel.”

Byakuya thought of dismissing her but he swallowed. “I cannot betray Hisana.”

Rukia nodded. “Nii-sama, she wouldn’t want to see you give up every chance at happiness because she has gone from your life. You know that she would want to see you move on. And you know that she would be proud to see you move on in a way that helps someone else,” she said simply and went back into the manor.

Byakuya watched her go and still wasn’t sure what to do. He turned and made his way into the room that Ichigo and Uryū were staying in with the Arrancar. He heard voices as he approached, then realized it was just Ichigo’s voice, but there were different pitches to it. He slid the door open just slightly and listened. He could see Uryū had fallen asleep lying on the futon beside him and Ichigo was just lying there staring at the ceiling.

“Stop it, stop it, no…” he muttered in a deeper voice. “I’ll kill you all if you don’t…” A pause and a giggle. “You have to find me first, Fighter. I’ll hide from you!” a high pitched voice that faded out. “Hmm, no. No. Pet will run away.” It almost sounded like he growled then. “I’m going to strangle you all.” Another giggle. “Truth is mad…Truth is mad…I’m going to hide…” A long pause this time. “Where’s he gone…gone again…stupid Child…” A short whimper. “Please…help me…” this time in a voice that was definitely Ichigo’s own voice that Byakuya remembered.

Byakuya stepped inside the room then and saw that he was still awake, wide eyes staring at nothing. Byakuya knelt and put a hand against Ichigo’s face. He gasped and turned to look at him. Tears sprung to his eyes. “Master, help me…I’m coming apart…too many pieces,” he whispered.

“I am not your master, that was…” Byakuya began.

“No…not that Master…you…not Aizen…help me…” he said in a bare whisper.

Byakuya frowned and felt Ichigo’s face turn to nuzzle into his hand. “I don’t understand.”

“My master, good master,” he whispered. “Need masters to help…” and he seemed to fade to sleep.

There was a noise behind him and Wonderweiss was sitting up and staring at him. “Help him. He’s broken. Too many pieces. Falling further apart, and he’ll just…expire.” Wonderweiss had the normal sound to his voice and then he laid down again.

Byakuya stood up and left quickly, walking to the fourth where Urahara had fallen asleep in one of the spare offices. He sat up when he heard the door shut.

“I’m awake!” Urahara said and saw it was Byakuya. “Oh, Kuchiki-san. Can I help you?” he asked, rubbing his face.

“I heard Ichigo as he was sleeping. He speaks in multiple voices, each one having different patterns. Why would this be?” Byakuya asked. “The Arrancar said he was broken into pieces.”

Urahara frowned. “I’m not sure what that means,” he said as he pulled open a file on the scans they had done for Ichigo. “The soul core was damaged. So if it fractured…” Urahara muttered.

“Soul damage is irreparable,” Byakuya said as he looked at him. “There’s no way to heal that sort of damage. Once the soul is harmed, it remains that way.

Urahara nodded. “Usually. But Ichigo’s not like normal Shinigami. It’s possible the Quincy blood might have helped…he has the blood staunching ability of his mother, but would he have inherited anything that shores up his soul…”

“Even if that were true, there’s no way to repair it.”

“Unless…” Urahara muttered as he put different papers over each other. “I could ask the hollow again. He might know, but he repaired the damage before. If he couldn’t repair the soul, it may be a loss, and Ichigo may never recover more of his faculties than he currently has.”              


	9. Shatter His Vision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> May have some adjustments, in the original version, only Uryu was soul bonded to Ichigo, but now this kind of explains the pull between Byakuya and Ichigo as well.

Uryū stared at the person he once knew and wondered if he would ever get him back. There was some part of him that was somewhat pleased by the situation for some reason. He wasn’t sure exactly why. It wasn’t that he wanted to see Ichigo suffer. It wasn’t that he would have wished what happened to him even on Aizen himself. He was lots of things. Prideful, and sometimes damn arrogant. But cruelty was far from his heart. He frowned as he gathered the items for Ichigo again. It had been a week now, and there was steady improvement. Painfully slow, but steady. Almost all the self-care rituals had come back. However, ritual is what they were. He did them the same way, in the same order each day and began to get nervous when things didn’t go right. He would sleep at the drop of a hat, which was in itself odd for Ichigo. He was used to sleepless nights, spending all day at school and half the night hunting hollows.

What spooked Uryū most, though, was when he would catch him talking in different voices to himself. He would use self-references that didn’t make any sense, and would go push himself to near tears. He’d start rocking and holding his head when Uryū asked what was happening. Ichigo would mutter something about Master. Uryū had asked Byakuya to stay at a distance for now because of the strange rantings.

However, there was only one way he would sleep at all, and that was with Uryū touching him in some fashion. He might sleep an hour or so after Uryū would leave him, but that was the limit. For an entire night, he had to stay in contact with him. And while at the beginning, it would be something as simple as a hand on his back or his head, by morning he found himself entwined with Ichigo no matter how he tried to keep it from happening. He’d even tried sleeping on the floor and laying his hand up on the futon only to wake up with Ichigo on the floor with him. The whole time, the Arrancar would remain quiet and watch. Now and then, he’d intervene when Ichigo seemed to break down and start rocking back and forth in place. He’d go to him and Ichigo would seem to calm down before too long.

The nightly ritual had become pretty specific. They had dinner, then took an hour to sit, usually with Uryū reading and Ichigo looking off in the distance lost in his thoughts. After that, they would bathe, still together since Ichigo would not go near the bath without Uryū there. But now he was pretty much taking care of his own washing, including his hair. But it seemed to all be by rote. There was no thought to it. He would go through the motions and do the things, and to his horror, he realized something watching him.

He was still trained. All Uryū was doing was retraining him. He was still in the exact same mind set, only now instead of answering the desires of Aizen’s cruel treatments, he was simply going through the motions of daily living without variation. The same strokes with the sponge, the same motions with his hands to wash his hair, first left side, then right, exactly the same as the night before. There was no thought, nothing. Repeated actions.

Shit. Two weeks had passed and things had only gotten worse. Uryū looked at Ichigo and felt his heart ache. He stood there with his head down, staring at the floor. He was waiting for Uryū to give him the towel like he always did.

“Ichigo, come on, let’s finish up, we’re going to talk to Urahara,” he said softly, helping him dry off quicker.

“But we should go to sleep now…” he said, hesitantly, looking toward the door of the bathroom.

Uryū nodded. “We will, but it is very important that I talk to him right now, okay?”

Ichigo seemed like he wanted to argue, but before he could, he was wrapped in a dark blue yukata and the obi tied around him. Soon, Uryū was leading him with haste to the place Urahara was staying within the squad four barracks. He glanced at Ichigo who was slowly starting to panic. The routine was upset, and he was starting to get off kilter. Well, no time to waste. He grabbed him up quickly, lifting him and taking off as fast as he could, dropping down at the gates of fourth. He rushed through and beat on Urahara’s door as he set Ichigo back on his feet.

The familiar green and white hat peeked out.

“Uryū-san? Is there a problem?” he asked, opening the door seeing him and Ichigo standing there.

“Damn right, this,” he muttered pushing Ichigo into the room.

He’d started fiddling with the obi sash first, then proceeded to nervously look around the room as if for an escape. He was clearly avoiding both Urahara and Uryū’s eyes. Then he started to pick at his hair, hands shaking.

“What happened?” Urahara said, watching as he inched closer and closer to a full panic attack.

“The same thing that happens every time I interrupt his routine. He’s freaking out because I brought him here instead of going to his bed after his bath. He’s not any different, Urahara. He’s still trained, just now he’s been trained by me!” Uryū said, walking to Ichigo and sitting him on the low sofa.

Urahara looked at him, suspecting what was happening, but wanting to confirm. “I don’t understand, you said he had regained much of his knowledge of how to take care of himself, and some things about interaction with others.”

“It is the exact same thing every time though. He washes himself the same way, eats the exact same way, moves the same way every time. Every time we see people, the words are the same no matter who they are now, and even though he’s stopped flipping out on seeing everyone, he greets them the same way every time! Something isn’t right,” Uryū said, pulling both Ichigo’s hands out of his hair again, grasping both wrists tightly.

“Okay, I see what you mean, bring him to the fourth first thing in the morning, okay?” he said looking over his distressed state. “Will he be okay once you return to his regular routine tonight?”

Uryū nodded. “Once he’s back on track he’ll be fine.”

“Okay, then first thing after breakfast bring him to Unohana’s office. We’ll set up a few tests and scans and see if we can figure out why his progress is limited like this,” he said, ushering them out the door.

Uryū led him back, and the closer they got to their room, the less anxious he became. Wonderweiss was sitting up on his futon waiting, but as soon as they came into the room, he laid down and fell asleep himself. Finally, they were laying in the futon once more, and he had fallen asleep as soon as he laid down. Unfortunately for Uryū, he’d buried his head in the hollow of his shoulder, and his right arm was now falling asleep. He brushed his left hand through his orange hair, biting his lip. Why was this so comfortable? Why was he able to lay here beside him with no thought that he was sleeping in the same bed with another man? And was he actually feeling something for him besides pity and guilt?

The last thought hit him hard. What did that mean? He was doing this for a friend. Any friend. Right? But no. Not any friend. He couldn’t imagine doing this for Orihime, or Chad, or even Rukia. He would have gladly asked for someone to take over. But here he lay, a week later, and armed with the idea that he trusted him because he wasn’t used against him. But neither was Chad or Orihime. And he knew that Orihime would jump at the chance to be in this position. It was pretty obvious that she harbored feelings for Ichigo, from the moment they became friends, he knew. But Ichigo simply threw off any advance with a shrug and a scowl.

“Hey you look comfortable,” a voice said from the doorway. He craned his neck to see Renji.

“Yeah, well, my damn arm’s asleep again,” he muttered, not bothering to pause in his stroking of the orange hair below his hand.

Renji pulled up beside the bed and stared at the sleeping orangette. “He looks peaceful like that, comfortable with you. Has he had any nightmares since you’ve been staying with him?”

“Only if I get up and leave him,” Uryū said sighing. “I swear, if I’m gone more than ten minutes he starts thrashing around in his sleep, and less than an hour he’ll wake up. I can’t imagine Ichigo agreeing to this sleeping arrangement if he were in his right mind.”

Renji snorted and fixed Uryū with a grin. “Oh? Why not?”

Uryū lifted his head a bit. “Well, I mean, he’d probably rather have Rukia or Orihime in his bed, dumb ass.”

“Well, he certainly didn’t get cozy with either of them when they were here,” he said with a smirk. “Orihime tried a couple times, but he actually slapped her once when you weren’t around and she tried it.”

“What? Really? Urahara said that probably any of us that weren’t used could provide comfort for him,” he said sighing and flopping his head back.

Renji leaned back. “Don’t think so, Uryū, you are a dumb bastard sometimes. You and Kuchiki-taichou both are idiots,” he said and sighed at him.

Uryū popped his head up, nearly jarring his sleeping pillow off his arm. “What the hell does that mean?”

“Seriously, Uryū, you are not aware at all, are you?” Renji huffed. “Look at it. Since the first day when he pulled your cross out of your sleeve, he’s reacted better to you than anyone else. He actually touched you, he didn’t touch anyone else. It seems like a little thing. He took Urahara’s hat, but he reached out for you. While you were back at the world of the living, he didn’t react to anyone else, then the minute you come back he lets you right in. Think about it.” Renji smiled mildly. “Rukia’s been trying to convince Kuchiki-taichou to come see him, but he refuses, saying that he doesn’t want to interfere.”

Uryū started to discount them all and then closed his mouth with a snap. He was right. No one else had come near, the closest had been Urahara, but if he’d slapped away Orihime, so did that mean… He shook his head. No way. That was just impossible, no way that Ichigo… And Byakuya? That was the face that was used to hurt him so deeply, so how could Ichigo think that way about him. Unless this all started before Aizen. He looked up and looked at Renji who had a wide grin on his face.

“You…you think he…likes me?” he said, surprised that he was even thinking such a thing. “And Kuchiki-taichou?”

“Holy souls, he gets it!” Renji said in an overly dramatic tone. “And you like him too; otherwise you wouldn’t be curled up in bed with him and freaking out when things are going too well in the middle of the night running to Urahara. Kuchiki-taichou isn’t much better. He’s been hanging outside the door half the night to make sure nothing happens to him.”

“But…he’s not like that…he never…” Uryū stammered, realizing his hand was still clutching orange hair in a soft grip.

Renji rolled his eyes. “Come on, get over it. Gender and shit don’t mean anything. I’ve had my share of male and female lovers. Most of us here in soul society are less hung up on that crap than humans. I’ll admit, my attractions have led me to Rukia, though we’ve never actually been together, I think Byakuya would take my head off with Senbonzakura. I’ve always had a great time messing with Ichigo. Honestly, have you ever seen Ichigo show a romantic interest in _anyone_? Male or female? Not outwardly, but you know he holds some people closer to his heart than others. You, and Kuchiki-taichou are two of those people. Kuchiki-taichou doesn’t want to admit it, but that connection is why he was used against Ichigo.”

Uryū shook his head. Ichigo never had seemed to act romantically toward anyone, but there were those that he would have kept close. He was easy to embarrass, as was seen with Yoruichi’s habit of running about naked, but he never acted aroused by it. Simply annoyed and embarrassed.

Renji smiled. “You guys get all hung up on what’s on the outside of the body. Look, if you’re attracted to someone’s soul, what does it matter what they look like on the outside?”

Uryū stared at the sleeping face, mostly unmarred except a couple deeper scars that had been there too long for Inoue’s magic to erase. “Uryū, tell me, what do you want? Why are you here and why are you doing this for him? If you can sit there and tell me once and for all that you have done this out of pure friendship, I’ll leave it alone. But I know how much you loath most Shinigami after what was done to the Quincy, and your own grandfather. Yet here you are, in the middle of a noble Shinigami’s house, taking care of another Shinigami that you considered your greatest rival until recently. Now tell me you’re here out of friendship or a need to repay him some debt unknown to me?”

“I…I want…” he stammered, and realized with a shock exactly what he wanted. More than anything. “I want him back. I want him whole. And…I think I want him with me.”

Renji leaned back in the chair, almost tipping it over, a victorious smile on his face. “Good, then you fight for it. You can bring him back; you might need help, but I think Rukia is dealing with her brother’s stubborn resistance. He needs to know beyond a doubt that there’s a reason to come back.”

Renji stood up and left, leaving them alone. Uryū felt his heart thudding like mad in his chest. Did he just admit that he had feelings for Kurosaki? For Kurosaki of all people… But his mind spun back to their first real encounter. Standing back to back, under a massive onslaught of hollows that had no explanation. The hollow bait that shouldn’t have drawn anything like a menos grande. Yet instead of leaving him to handle it, fingers bleeding from the effort, Ichigo stood back to back with him, and then drew on that unbelievable power he couldn’t even control. And then Uryū standing over him, as he syphoned off the power so he didn’t self-destruct from it, saving his enemy. Maybe that was the first thing. Ichigo had been willing to sacrifice himself for the seemingly on purpose actions of one enemy, then fight with him despite being to blame.

Uryū’s head was spinning, but now he wondered if he really could carry similar feelings. But Renji was right, what else was there to explain him clinging to Uryū like a lifesaver. Like he was the only thing that mattered in the world. Maybe.

The next morning, the ritual was interrupted again, and he was steering a panicked looking orange haired Shinigami out of the gates again. He kept glancing behind him as if he was going to run right back to the house and sit in the garden like they normally did after breakfast. But instead, his caretaker steered him toward the fourth division. They arrived, met by Urahara at the door who led them into an exam room where Unohana was waiting.

“Uryū, I’ve explained what you were talking about last night. I take it he’s having trouble now from the break in routine again?” Urahara said as Uryū got him situated on the exam table. He was already picking at his hair again, though not yanking on it yet.

“Yeah, after breakfast we’ve been going to one of the gardens, and as soon as I told him we were going somewhere else he started to panic about it,” Uryū said, grabbing his wrists before he could yank any hair out.

Unohana nodded, running her hands over Ichigo slowly, thoughtfully. She then stood behind him and placed a hand on either side of his head. Uryū did what he could to keep Ichigo still, but his eyes darted everywhere and more than once he had to hold a hand on his chin to keep his head from turning while Unohana worked. She dropped her hands and looked at Urahara.

“I can’t tell a difference from when he was first brought in,” she said softly. “I don’t understand it, he should be having some of his personality resurface. It may be like you feared, the soul fracturing into multiple pieces.”

There was a long silence. “Can we make his hollow surface?”

Urahara looked at Uryū, frowning at first. “Make his hollow surface…we might be able to do just that and maybe get an idea of exactly what is happening in there.”

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

 “Goddammit fuckin’ hell, king!” the voice screamed. “Where the fuck is he this time,” he muttered, crashing through another window that sealed shut behind him.

“Fuck! When I get my hands on ya, I’m fuckin’ gonna kill ya myself and take over!” he screamed, landing with a crash into the side of a nearly submerged sideways sky scraper.

Shiro looked up at Zangetsu standing impassively on his damn flagpole. “The hell, Zangetsu? Any ideas?”

“The rain has stopped, I think it a good thing,” Zangetsu said softly, looking around. A far cry from the thunder and lightning they felt at first, but still not bright and sunny.

Shiro groaned and felt a pull. “Hey, old man, I think they’re trying to pull me up again. You think I should go have a chat?”

Zangetsu looked thoughtful then nodded. “You need to do something, Shiro, otherwise your threat to unseat your king is going to become all too real.”

“Fine.”

The world shook and he blinked his eyes. “Fuck, ya know some fuckin’ warning would be damn nice,” he muttered, swinging his legs over and sitting up on the mildly uncomfortable table.

Uryū frowned, looking at the strange eyes, the black sclera and gold pupils. It was a weird sight every time he’d ever come across it. It was better than the glowing red eyes of the monstrous visage that had nearly killed him in Hueco Mundo.

Urahara nodded. “Sorry, but we needed some insight on how to help Ichigo…it seems that our attempts are not quite reaching the soul core that you so studiously protected.”

“Yeah, call it secondary fuckin’ shock trauma. Having five fuckin’ years roll into your mind of torture kinda does that, he regressed, and he’s been hidin’ from me, bastard,” Shiro said, crossing his arms with a huff. “For some reason his soul core is still not attached to the rest of him. No idea why the link hasn’t been back yet.”

Unohana nodded then glanced at his still scarred wrists. They looked the same. “Shiro, could it have something to do with this damage?”

Shiro lifted his arms and then looked like something hit him. “Of fuckin’ course! The actual soul damage is this, at least this is the outside look of it. Until we can get this shit gone, heal the actual soul damage, we’re fucked.”

All three stared at him until Shiro huffed annoyed. “Look a soul can’t heal like a body. Usually, once it’s damaged, it’s dead. But Ichigo is different, he’s got me. The fuckin’ cuffs were meant to seek it out and zap the shit outta the soul, cracking it into pieces. Well, after fuckin’ years, my barrier was degrading, and it managed ta get through the barrier and some of it was broken off…like a fuckin’ crack in glass. Until we can get that put back together, an’ seal it somehow…”

“How in the world can we do that?” Urahara asked, wide eyed.

Shiro sighed. “Find the soul, or souls, that are bonded to him.”

“What?” Unohana asked.

“Twin souls, soul mates. There’s a soul or souls that match the wavelength of his own. Not everyone has one, and even if they do, they don’t always live at the same time. They’re souls that are drawn to each other through reincarnations, and they both have strong powers, an’ I know that Ichigo’s bonded soul is alive now,” he said, thoughtfully. “But it isn’t me, as much as I’d like that, since I’m already in here.”

“How do we find it?” Urahara asked softly, at a loss. He’d never heard of this concept.

Shiro shrugged. “Sometimes they get called soul mates, mostly they end up tangled in romance wit’ each other. But…wait…”

Shiro fixed Uryū with a glare. “You, why do I smell our reiatsu all over ya?”

Uryū frowned. “Um, you should know already, the only way he’ll sleep is if I stay with him,” he said, surprised the hollow didn’t know this already. “I thought you were in his head?”

“Wait, he’s awake?” Shiro asked, a little surprised.

There was an exchange of glances. “Yeah…for the last two weeks…”

“Fuck! I’ve been chasin’ his fool ass all over the inner world the last fuckin’ weak, yet he’s awake too? That’s fuckin’ not possible. His soul can’t be in there and out here at the same time,” Shiro said, eyes reflecting genuine shock at the idea.

Uryū gasped. “You said his soul had been fractured toward the end, what if one of the fractures is actually allowing him to function, while the rest, what really makes him up is in there with you?”

Shiro nodded. “It’s possible. You put him out, right, to get me out?”

Urahara nodded. “Yeah, we did.”

“So that means…ah fuck. This is gonna be a pain in my ass, fuckin’ king,” Shiro said with a groan. “I’m gettin’ tired of the fuckin’ hide and seek with him. The minute I get close ta him, he gets away from me. And if I can’t catch ‘im, we can’t bind his soul back together and then get him normal again…”

“Can I enter his inner world?” Uryū asked slowly, looking up at Shiro’s black and gold eyes.

Shiro frowned. “I don’t know, what good would it do?”

“I have an idea I want to test, but if I could get in there and ahold of him…” he began.

Urahara nodded. “You’re the only one he seems to trust, that may be significant. There’s a kido I know, but it is risky, you won’t be entirely safe if he lashes out at you in there. The problem is, as a Quincy, you can’t go in alone. You would have to have a Shinigami guide you.”

“I will do it,” came Byakuya’s voice from the doorway. Everyone looked at him. “I believe that I can help Ishida. He will not be able to access his Quincy powers while in Ichigo’s inner world, but I should be able to help should anything go wrong.”

Uryū thought a moment, but that was all it took. If he was right, and the reason Ichigo had been drawn to him, the reason he trusted him implicitly, was what he thought it might be, he had a shot. He could try, at least. He had to trust in the instincts that were flooding him, telling him this was the right thing to do. He looked at Urahara and then looked to Byakuya. He wasn’t sure with the other Shinigami fit into Ichigo’s world, but he knew he had to figure out where he fit.

“Do it. I want him whole again, Kisuke,” Uryū said softly.

Another pair of beds were brought into the room quickly. Byakuya laid on Ichigo’s right, and Uryū on the left. Shiro looked between them.

“I can’t protect ya in there, either of you. But maybe you’ll be fine. But then, since he’s a Quincy…” Shiro said thoughtful. He glanced at Byakuya. “You know, Cherry Blossom boy, I think it will be a good thing that you’re there. He’s gonna be pissed off. “No Quincy bows in there, huh? Don’t wanna explode. Got enough fuckin’ reiatsu in there to blow out half the building if yer dumb,” Shiro said, laying back.

“Okay, relax, Unohana-Taichou is going to apply a deep sleeping kido to both of you and Shiro is going to simply return. Then I’ll put the kido that can connect your inner worlds to each other. But, obviously, as a Quincy, Uryū, you don’t have one, so you’ll simply sink into Ichigo’s inner world. Be careful,” Urahara said, and then it all went blank for a minute.

Uryū opened his eyes slowly and almost had a heart attack. He was lying on the side of a sky scraper. He looked up to see an image of Ichigo, only reverse with white skin and clothes. But the black and gold eyes revealed who he was. Byakuya stood already beside him looking around, seemingly unaffected by the tilted world.

“Wake up, sleepin’ Quincy,” Shiro said with a manic grin.

“What is this? I’m…sideways…” he said looking around.

There was a snort of laughter. “Just Ichigo’s inner world. Now be careful, half the damn place is still under water…”

Uryū stood up, finding the tilted world stable. Shiro was right, only a few sideways buildings rose above the water. “Why is there so much water?”

Another voice spoke out. “When Ichigo is sad or troubled, it rains. And it has been raining a very long time now. Only in the last week has the rain let up.” Uryū looked up to see a black clad figure standing on a flag pole. Byakuya tilted his head and stared at him, then returned to look at Shiro.

“Fuck, Zangetsu, ya gotta be all philosophical all the damn time? Fucker,” Shiro said. “Come on, gotta find fuckin’ king soon. Or we really will fuckin’ drown in here.”

“You said you have been chasing him?” Byakuya asked.

“Yeah, but it’s fuckin’ weird, like sometimes he’ll be skittish as fuck, and other times he tries to take my damn head off. Like there’s different versions of him. Makes sense. That lightning shit fractured him into several pieces. Someitmes one is in charge and sometimes another, that’s how he can be causing ame irritation and being out there acting up, fuckin’ brat,” Shiro said with a shrug.

Uryū looked around and felt a tug. It was faint, but he headed that way. Shiro watched then looked at Zangetsu who shrugged. Shiro was soon leaping after him with Byakuya following them both. “Got an idea, Quincy boy?”

“Maybe. I thought I sensed something this way,” he said softly. “If he’s shattered apart, how many pieces of his soul are there?”

“At least four,” Byakuya answered, getting a look from Uryū and Shiro. “He spoke to me in several of them. I believe one is a child, at least,” he said with a sigh.

Shiro almost tripped for some reason and shook his head. “Fuck, no idea for sure, but four sounds as good as any number. But if we don’t find them all, we’re fucked. At least two for certain since I was chasing one, and there was one running the show. But by the time it broke the barrier, I was so weakened that I couldn’t tell what was happening. Either way, let’s just try to gather whatever we find.”

Before long they came to a window that was open. Uryū dropped in and found himself looking a child, no more than nine or ten, playing on the floor, well really it was the wall since the building was tilted. He was sitting a large blackboard and drawing with chalk. There were three interlocking circles, looking almost like a diagram. He looked up, bright brown eyes and the familiar orange hair. His face was all smiles, and no trace of a scowl.

“Hiya! Have you seen my mommy? She hasn’t come for me yet,” he said cheerfully.

“No, but maybe we can help find her?” Uryū said, smiling to him. Byakuya watched, not sure where he fit into this place since Uryū was the one interacting.  

The child looked skeptical. “Okay!” he announced and ran to leap into Uryū’s arms. As soon as he came into contact with him, though he vanished in a puff of black and red smoke and Uryū felt something slam into his chest and pulse with energy. At the same moment, Byakuya was knocked to his knees, a weight settling into his own chest.

“The hell?” Uryū said, staggering backward a bit. He looked down, and in the center of his chest a bright white ball swirled.

Shiro arched a brow and shook his head. “Fuck me sideways, it is you two, fuckin’ bonded souls…”

Uryū looked at him with wide eyes. “What’s going on?”

“That part of his soul accepted ya, joined with ya, for the time being. Basically yer a container until we can find the other parts. Hope yer scrawny ass don’t explode first,” Shiro said with a shrug, but he looked at Byakuya. “But you have his wavelength too. I don’t you always did, though. For some reason, you became bonded to his soul while Uryū was born bonded to him. But you’re drawing the excess power away from Quincy boy. Fuck, might be the only way this works. That one was easy. The rest may not be.”

Byakuya looked at Uryū. “The child was his innocence,” he said and Uryū nodded, agreeing with him. It did seem that way.

They left, heading out for the nearest sense of Ichigo. Shiro nodded and pointed in another direction and they were there in a moment. This time, there was an open window that they could hear panting breaths come from. They dropped in and Ichigo was kneeling, his soul chain encroaching. Uryū frowned.

“When he became a Shinigami again,” Shiro explained. “Only way to do with without dyin’. Also how he got mah power.”

Uryū knelt before him. “Ichigo, it’s time. Time to go.”

Ichigo looked up, pain registering in his eyes. “That…would… be great…but…”

The final encroachment started and he threw his head back, the hollow mask forming. Uryū stepped back and watched as he writhed and fought the hollow trying to take him over. There was an explosion, and they were standing alone with Shinigami Ichigo wearing the mask. He pulled it off and stared at them. Uryū reached out his hand to him. “Come, Ichigo, it’s time.”

Ichigo nodded and stepped forward and took Uryū’s hand, and again a puff of the black and red tinted smoke, and Uryū felt the same crashing sensation, only stronger. Byakuya gasped as well, holding a hand over his own chest as more energy seemed to swim into him. Uryū leaned over and panted with his hands on his knees. “I really hope there aren’t too many more pieces…”

Again Byakuya looked at Uryū. “That was his persistence, the piece of his soul that is a Protector. A major part of his soul.”

Shiro snorted with absolute glee. “Yeah, that was a huge piece of his soul, easily over half of it. Maybe we won’t be so fucked after all.”

Again, they were off, leaping through sideways sky scrapers until a flash of black energy came screaming from below. A Getsuga… Shiro smiled, dodging and pulled his inverted Zangetsu. “This is a feisty one…follow me!”

Shiro engaged his double with glee. Uryū stood to the side, and was tempted to use a Quincy bow but thought better.

Byakuya put a hand on Uryū before he moved. “There is a pattern, Ishida. The first piece we met was Innocence, represented by a childlike visage that was Ichigo before everything changed for him. The second we found was determination and will, when he gambled on losing his very life after I took his powers that Rukia provided him with. Now this.”

This one, a vicious frenzied version, fighting on even footing with Shiro. Innocence, determination, power? Possible. Uryū nodded. “Fighting. This one is his powers?”  

Uryū called out, “Stop, Ichigo, time to stop!”

The orange haired figure stopped and stared at him for a minute then moved to attack. Shiro was quick to the defense, going to stand in front of Uryū and Byakuya. Uryū put a hand on his back.

“Let him go,” Uryū said.

Shiro arched a brow. “But if he kills ya in here, ya will die…”

“He can’t kill me at all, Shiro.”

The hollow backed off, and watched as Ichigo swung Zangetsu downward in a perfect arc to slice through Uryū from shoulder to hip. Except as soon as the blade touched him, he evaporated in that puff of black and red smoke and Uryū went skidding backward a few feet. Byakuya staggered, the excess power draining from Uryū into him. Uryū huffed and puffed for a moment and then stood up. “Okay. Not as easy as it looks. Now we find the rest and we can get the hell out of this tilted world.”

Again, they were on the hunt. And this time they felt another strong piece. Uryū thought perhaps there were two more. He still needed to find the part that had been in control, what he was calling the “pet” part of Ichigo, the piece that retrained the trained aspects of him. And the other had to be the part he was hiding so well. The pain and shame, the part that retained the memories of the last five years.

Unexpectedly they stumbled into a window and found a scene that made Uryū’s heart clench. Byakuya made a strange noise in his throat because the room was one that looked like one from the manor. Ichigo was chained to a wall beside them, hands high and shackled. The cuffs gleamed menacingly, and a thick heavy collar sat about his neck. He was only covered in caked blood and bruises. Above his head, his hands were obviously mangled, twisted and purple. Knowing what had happened to him and seeing it were two different things. Uryū kneeled in front of him, and he lifted his vacant eyes up to him.

“Pet please master’s friend?” he asked tentatively. “Pet be good pet for master’s friend.”

Uryū reached up, and found the latches easy to remove provided it was done from the outside. He slowly lowered his hands and stared at Uryū. “Pet go home?” he asked, tears slipping from those large chocolate eyes.

Uryū nodded and reached down to embrace him. With a soft huff of air, the image was gone and Uryū barely felt the impact of this piece of soul it was so very weak. He placed a hand over the glowing mass that was swirling in his chest. Behind him, Byakuya was struggling not to look at the room. It was so familiar, yet foreign. It smelled of blood and worse. They knew that the last would be the hardest, but also the part that would release him. Uryū stood shakily and together, they all exited. Once outside Shiro stopped.

“You must do this without me, boys. Good luck. Try not ta die,” he said, throwing a two fingered salute his way and was gone.

Uryū looked at Byakuya and they both looked down into the water. They felt it, both of them, like some sort of beacon calling to them. In he jumped and began swimming. He really didn’t think it mattered where, just down into the murky depths of his sadness and pain. It was almost tangible as he swam, making his heart ache and throb within him. He realized that breathing wasn’t a problem. Granted, it wasn’t real water, it was a mental world.

Down lower, he saw a flash of whiteness, and he saw the orange. The pair of them dove toward it. They burst through the water and were inside another room, this one with Ichigo sitting nude and curled into the corner. Blood dripped from many places, his head, his arms, and the cuffs were gone, but in their place were raw, red wounds seething with pus and infection. The wounds that went to the core of his soul reflected.

“Go away!” he yelled, growling almost at him. “Go away and leave me to die here!”

“No,” Uryū said and kept moving forward. Byakuya moved forward with him. This was where he would have to help Uryū directly.

“I’m not leaving here, I’m…stained.”

“No.”

“I’m not worth this, just go back and leave me be! I’m alone in my sorrow, and it is for myself so I don’t need your pity,” he yelled, pulling himself into the corner even more.

“No,” Uryū repeated coming forward again.

“Stay back!” he practically screamed. “I’m stained, dirty, used, a monster no one wants or loves! Leave me alone to die!”

“But Ichigo, you’re none of those things.” Byakuya spoke this time and Ichigo go looked at him.

“If you saw what they did, what I did…you’d leave me here!” he screamed.

Uryū was now kneeling in front of him, and Byakuya dropped to his knees beside him. “So show me. Show us. Give it to us, all of it, give us all five years and see what we do. I came here for you. So did Byakuya. Ichigo, we know what happened, no matter what you think. I came here because I feel something for you.” He glanced at Byakuya. “I don’t know how it fits, but so did Byakuya. So if you think we will leave because of what was done to you, give it to us.”

Ichigo’s eyes widened. “What?”

“You say we won’t want to help you out of here when we see what happened. So show us. Then we choose, and you’ll see. Either we leave you here or we won’t. Otherwise I’m not leaving,” he said easily. “And you know that if I stay here, since I’m not a Shinigami, you know that I will die.”

Ichigo seemed to think. He wasn’t quite who he should be, but Uryū knew this was only a small part of him. “Fine, you asked for it. You’ll be disgusted with me. You’ll kill me with your own hands.”

Ichigo reached out and tapped his skull tentatively with one hand, and tapped Byakuya with the other. The world exploded for a moment inside Uryū’s head. It was like a movie going at super high speed, which only a brain could interpret because it was too fast for eyes. He saw it all. From the beginning, fighting, spitting and yelling at his captors no matter how often they beat him nearly to death, or punished him, or left him bleeding. He saw the broken bones, the pleasure they gained from his pain. He saw the faces of the illusion, but then there was a flicker in each face that was a telltale sign that they were indeed disguised illusions. Then the cuffs were applied, and the world spun sickly as he saw two things, the core of his soul thrashing against the cage and the energy seeking to shatter it. On the outside, the training of what remained, the constant pain and everything. Then it was flashed to one day, where they all took particular glee in hurting him repeatedly, crushing him, and then he was awakening in terror at a confused Byakuya.

Byakuya, though, saw something that Uryū couldn’t. As the images flooded his mind, featuring his own image, something else became apparently. _You can’t forge that kind of connection. To bond a soul to another…_ a voice in the darkness of the pain. _I can try. The hogyuku will do it. It creates Arrancar, it can create a soul bond. Then Ichigo will never be able to escape me._ But the bond had been incomplete because the face Ichigo’s soul recognized was Byakuya’s, not Aizen’s soul. The second bond. Aizen had tried and failed to bond Ichigo’s soul to him. He hadn’t anticipated the effect that his illusion would have on him.

Uryū staggered backward and clutched his chest. Five years in about two minutes had just spun through his mind. And he stared at the cowering form before him. Tears gathered in his eyes. A second later, Byakuya seemed to come out of the trancelike state he was in beside him. His own eyes were misted and his heart ached.

“Don’t pity me! Just leave!” he yelled, covering his face.

“I don’t pity you,” Uryū said, leaning forward. “I…love you.”

Beside him, the stoic visage of Byakuya Kuchiki faded and he smiled. “The bond between us was forced, Ichigo. But I do not pity you. I too feel love for you.”

The form looked up with wide shocked eyes as Byakuya reached out and put a hand against the bloodied face. Uryū leaned forward and pressed gentle lips to the bloody ones before him. A warmth emanated outward, and the soul fragment was absorbed, this time seamlessly. Byakuya felt the heaviness grow until he knew he couldn’t stand. Uryū stood as there was a warmth spreading out throughout him and the glowing fragments rose up, swirling together.

As the world began to fade, they heard a gentle voice he knew.

_Thank you._

Uryū sat up with a start, nearly head butting Urahara. He was panting and clutching his chest and looked over urgently at Ichigo who was still out.

“Did it work?” Uryū asked.

Urahara shook his head. “I have no way to know, but since you’re alive and well with your soul in your body, I’d say that’s a good sign. Byakuya hasn’t woken yet, however,” he said with mild concern.

“He said that their bond was created when Aizen tried to make a soul bond between him and Ichigo, but the illusion in Ichigo’s mind was too strong and it bonded him to the real Ichigo instead.”

Urahara nodded. “That makes a lot of sense,” he said as he heard Byakuya sit up finally.

“There, you’ve returned as well,” Urahara said as he went over to look at him. “You’ve fared well?”

Byakuya nodded. “I would not wish to enter that tilted inner world again,” he said as he looked at the bed next to him at the still supine Ichigo.

Uryū crawled down off the bed and moved to sit beside Ichigo on his bed, grabbing his hands in his own. “I meant what I said, Ichigo, so please, you need to come back to me now.”

Byakuya stood and moved to stand by the bed, taking Ichigo’s other hand. “Ichigo, I would request the same of you.”

There was a long drawn out moment before a pulse of light emitted from the center of Ichigo’s chest and spread throughout his prone form. His back arched off the table, black reiatsu seeping from every pore and filing the room with pressure that would have sent a lesser Shinigami to their knees. Then it was over and Ichigo’s body fell back down. Slowly, eyes fluttered and looked up to lock with Uryū’s expectant ones.

“Ichigo?” he asked quietly.

“Uryū…” he said softly. “I do too…so much…both of you…hurts.”

With that, his head slumped over into sleep, and Uryū was left smiling across him at Byakuya who wore a similar expression.


	10. Shatter...Shatter

 

Dragging himself out of the depths of unconsciousness was far more difficult than he’d ever imagined. His whole body was heavy. He felt a warmth though and as his eyes blinked open he realized his face was buried in a head of dark hair that was on his chest. He sighed, making the head move away from him. Someone was clutching his right hand as well. There was another comforting presence nearby.

“Ichigo?” came the familiar voice, but it was escaping his reach at the moment.

He looked up, a frown creasing his face as he blinked slowly, desperately trying to link the face with who the person was. He knew them, he knew them very well… It was just out of reach though. He bit his lip and shook his head.

“Do you remember me? What do you remember, Ichigo?” he asked again.

Again, felt his eyes blink slowly, as his mind spun out of control and he clutched the bed underneath him to stabilize himself as his whole world spun out of sync. He grimaced against the incredible feeling of vertigo washing over him. He felt hands on his hands on both sides of him.

“Give him a minute,” another equally familiar voice said. “He’s going to be disorientated for a while. That was no easy thing you and Shiro pulled off. Never seen anyone do that before…”

The world finally stopped swimming sickly and he opened his eyes. His head was clouded, and he couldn’t think right. He looked around and felt another wave of familiarity and déjà vu hit him. His breath got faster as a sudden vision slammed into him and voices and images slammed into him and he knew them immediately to be memories. He shut them off.

“Too much at once,” he whispered. “Too much…”

The hands that clutched his hands tightened. “Don’t worry about it, Ichigo. It does not have to come back all at once.” A voice he feared and desired at the same time.

He blinked. “Ichigo…is my name…” he said softly. “I’m…in…soul society…”

“Good, good, that’s better than you’ve been for a while,” the other familiar voice above him said softly.

“I…I was captured…by Aizen…but it wasn’t him…but it was and I knew that…but my head,” he said, putting a hand on his head.

A female voice he knew spoke. “He used his hypnosis on you. And it is going to take a while to piece things together. He damaged you down to the level of your soul. It will be difficult to regain all your faculties.”

Ichigo closed his eyes and listened as the voices talked around him, about him, but he didn’t have the energy to interject. He was really too tired.

“The assimilation seems to have been successful, thanks to you two. But he’s still not back to normal yet, those fractured pieces are still scarred. There may be holes in his memory until he fills them in slowly. Be prepared for panic attacks as they come back. All those things may happen again and he may not understand why, so stay close. You two seem to be the only thing that can calm him, Uryū,” she said softly.

“Shouldn’t he stay here, instead of going back to the manor? What if Byakuya triggers…”

At the name Ichigo felt a shudder take him and he shook his head. No, he wasn’t going to be fooled by the illusion in his head. Not at all. The Byakuya he knew would never do the things that were currently attached to his name in his mind. Even so, the vision of Byakuya kneeling in front of him at his worst, willingly taking on his burden filled his mind. That was Byakuya. Not the Aizen-Byakuya.

“Are you okay?” came the voice by his ear as a hand encompassed his cheek. He nodded slowly.

He was fading though, and he felt himself slip into sleep again. He was too tired to fight it, though. He was falling but it was like his inner world was locked to him, why was that? It was weird, but he let himself relax even so.

A flash of pain and his eyes opened. He looked up into brown eyes familiar to him that filled him with dread. “Shatter.” The word reverberated over and over in his head. _Shatter. Shatter. Shatter._

He felt like he was coming apart at the seams, like he was shattering to pieces, fracturing turning and spinning in the darkness, spiraling down into a pit that was going to swallow him whole. Splitting open at the sides, blood falling, pattering on the white floor, splattering on the walls in a pattern of the mask he wore. Dripping, thick lines painted the floor around him as lifeblood flooded from his veins. And he looked down to see the knife in his own hands, opening his own veins wide. A childlike voice giggled. A manic sounding voice cackled. A furious voice chuckled. A fearful voice laughed nervously. A broken voice wept. They were pulling apart again.

“Shatter.” Again, the world spun sickly, the pieces of the vision splitting apart and falling at his feet. Insurmountable pain mounted as faces swam before his eyes, faces he knew and loved doing horrible things to him, things they should never do. No, they were all illusions. Nothing more! Was this his power? But he couldn’t even put his finger on the name, he knew it, back there somewhere, but just when he was about to bring it up to his mind…

“Shatter.” He screamed, the filaments of his memory breaking apart in his hands. But he saw two faces. His Master, not his fake master, the tormentor. Then he saw blue eyes, and he knew he had to grab onto that image. Black hair, blue eyes, pale skin. Savior and Master. Both of them. They were only thing that didn’t break apart and sweep away into the depths of the darkness that threatened to swallow him whole. Tendrils of night reached up and grasped at him but he gripped. He held tight, tighter than ever before…

“Shatter.” Again, he screamed, his throat was raw with it and he thought he would spit blood before this torment was over. He thrashed in the confines of mind and body, feeling the searing pain shoot through him from toe to crown. His whole frame was wracked with the fight of it. He felt kido wash over him, he knew that kido, to make him sleep and he was glad, someone had heard him and taken mercy on him…

“Shatter.” The kido broke apart and he was in agony again. He screamed in desperation, willing the kido to return, to grant him the sleep he needed, the sleep to make him forget all the nightmares all the horrors, but it refused to return. Instead he sought the faces that would ground him, the faces that would make the world stabilize and stop fracturing into billions of shards of glass. Grasping and reaching for those faces, the only stable things…

_When did his face become my only thought? When did it happen…his mind spun out of control, casting back, back to the first time they met, or rather when he really noticed the Quincy. He had no idea what he was, he didn’t understand, all he knew is he was protecting his family, and then he was protecting the souls from hollows, and even though he’d brought that massive fight on them, and the menos grande that was summoned, he didn’t hate him. He didn’t even mind so much that he hated Shinigami, and by definition him._

_He wasn’t defined by anyone. So they could call him a Shinigami, and he’d swear he was human. That was him. He didn’t live in the borders created by others. He wasn’t completely oblivious to those around him. He felt the eyes now and then, and he chose to ignore them. Never had he felt the butterflies of attraction in his stomach like others. He had enough to deal with since the stupid ghosts didn’t leave him be, and then with the Shinigami stuff, and then this whole mess._

_He became close to them all. And even pulling that damned prideful Quincy with him even though he resisted. Why would he do that? He never interceded and made others give him company. But him…he was different. He wanted him beside him. He wanted him there. But more than that, he wanted him to fill him with whatever was missing in his tortured soul. And then a memory surfaced. It was so clear._

_Torment burned in every corner of his being but he saw the white sleeve, in the same way he had recognized that obnoxious white and green striped hat. It was hazy, pushing past the trained reactions that threatened to swallow the tiny bits of consciousness he could maintain by sheer will. But that sleeve, and he remembered clearly, even in his muddled mind, that he had to see if it was him. If he had really come to help him, finally come to help him after he cried his name so many times and suffered for it. And he knew that the only way to find out… And he tugged at the sleeve, his first contact that close to another body that he’d initiated…in almost two years… He remembered the light pressure of his fingers brushing the skin of his wrist and the cross falling from his sleeve. And just like that the slamming fear of uttering his name…he couldn’t…couldn’t say it or he’d be punished so badly…because he knew he’d begged for him to save him. And every time…every time…he was left nearly dead. And it had only been him. The others, he cried out, but only one did he ever scream to save him. And he never asked anyone to save him. Ever. But for some reason, this connection he felt, he wanted to feel protected and saved by this person._

_Then he just was the only thing stable. His mind reeled, the cuffs no longer restricting his power, but he couldn’t seem to connect the parts of himself tumbling loose in his frame. Something was wrong, something was so wrong, but still he held onto the only warmth in the world he was sure of at the moment. He gripped it tight and he soon couldn’t live without it. It was his breath, his life, that security, the only security that he could hold to as his entire being twisted and writhed in some weird attempt to obliterate itself._

_The pain, the aching pain that was left when the black barrier started to crack, whipping out and snapping his soul apart, swelled into his chest and he wanted to push it back, along with all the memories…_

“Shatter.” Again, a scream erupted as he grabbed, hands scrambling for some semblance of purchase. He was shattering again, the world wavering and falling apart until hands gripped his and the sensation was flooding him. It was a connection, a soothing, deep connection…

_This time Master’s face floated through his mind. When did this happen? When did the Master become separate from the Tormentor? The Tormentor had tried to be his Master, but there would be only one Master of him, and he was not the Tormentor._

_Perhaps it was fighting for what was right, standing up to him when he knew he was wrong. Standing on the Sokoyo Hill, fighting for his sister’s life against him. Then, when forced, he put himself between the Tormentor and his sister after all, and they were on the same thing. He felt the connection then, when his eyes followed him._

_The feeling of needing structure, the feeling of being barely hanging together, and the dichotomy of the Master and the Tormentor, but they were separating and he was beginning to see. It hadn’t been the Master’s fault. The Tormentor had tried, so hard, to fuse him into his soul, but he failed, instead making the Master his. But this, was this because of that? The link was there, between them. He needed Master to break it, only the Master could break it…_

“Shatter!” More insistent now, but the hands and the body they were attached to didn’t shatter. Didn’t disappear and he held on for dear life. Because this was his life, his whole being struggling not to give in to the insistent command to shatter his soul back to the fragmented mess it had been. How could this happen? There was some power over him, within him, connecting him to those that were still tormenting him… Master had to break it, it was the only way. This was Master’s place he realized, but how could he tell him? He had to break it. The Savior put him back together, now the Master had to break this hold the Tormentor had on him.

“Shatter!” The sound was deafening as he felt his body stiffen and arch, the world wavering, but still the faces and the feeling of connection refused to shatter. He felt his reiatsu raise and before he knew it, the faces, the warmth was encompassed in his energy and pressure. He heard a gasp but it wasn’t a painful one, just surprised. It coiled and coiled and drew him to him until he could feel something deeper than just a brush of connection.

“Shatter…” the voice was fading away in the cacophony of sensation as he felt the warmth taking over, pushing away the coldness, pushing away the voice…for now. He relaxed, slipping into the familiar area of unconsciousness.

-ooooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

The first scream brought everyone’s attention to Ichigo again. He was obviously fighting something in his mind. Uryū moved closer along with Unohana and Urahara who flipped a couple monitoring devices on. Byakuya stood up from where he had been sitting beside Ichigo’s bed.

“What’s that?” Urahara muttered as another, stronger scream escaped the sleeping form. “That’s not right…what is that…Unohana-Taichou?”

Uryū watched as Ichigo wrestled whatever demons ran through his head, then reached and took his hands into his own. Would it comfort him like before when he had the nightmares? He found more than a little sadness settle into his heart when he continued to thrash and yell out. He jerked suddenly at the words he was suddenly feeling surface in the mind of his friend.

“Urahara…why do I hear Aizen’s voice?” Uryū said softly, looking up.

Both of the others in the room looked up. “What do you hear? Is it through the soul link you have with him?”

Uryū nodded. “Yeah, it…shatter. That’s it, I keep hearing it, and every time, his soul becomes…shaky…like it’s vibrating…”

“Oh dear, this is not a good sign, which explains the readings… Somehow he’s got a link to him again. And I’m not sure how to sever it,” he said, turning his attention back to him. “He’s trying to shatter his soul again. Using his Zanpakutō power, no doubt.”

“What’s a soul link, Urahara?” he asked, squeezing the hands in front of him.

“You seem to share a soul bond, something rarely seen. Mates, lovers, friends, sometimes they come together out of a soul bond. Somewhere along the hands of time, souls sometimes touch and bond to each other. Through the years of reincarnations, they come back, sometimes reasserting their connection with each other. Some call it soul mates, others the concept of the twin soul, and still other the idea of bonded souls. Soul link is something that occurs when the two souls are reconnected, forging a bond that can’t be broken. So, from here on, you and he will be able to sense disturbances in the soul, and because you are both reiatsu users, the reiatsu of the other as well,” he said, speaking as he ticked off readings on a machine, never stopping the motion of his hands to change from his speech. “Byakuya was forced into this soul link through the hogyuku’s intervention, though, so instead of one soul linked to another, there are two linked now to Ichigo. I’m unsure how deep the soul link between Ichigo and Byakuya goes, but it may only be superficial.”

Urahara looked back at Uryū, knowing that he was the natural soul link. “I’m not sure how you and he feel about each other, and I am not even certain of either of you as far as preferences, but I must warn you, for connected souls to separate is detrimental. At the very least, you will need to stay close to each other as friends. Other than that, it is up to you both where you take things. Be warned though, the likelihood of either of you ever taking another in a romantic relationship is fairly impossible. Even should you stay friends, the bond won’t allow a deep and lasting connection with anyone but each other.” He paused and looked at Byakuya. “Byakuya’s addition makes this complicated, however. Again, I’m not sure how he fits into the scope in the long term. But either way, I know how things will work with you, Uryū.”

Uryū nodded. “So, either we are together, or we are alone for the rest of our lives.”

“That is the gist of it, Uryū-san, I am sorry. When you established that connection, it was determined. If I had known before…I would have let you continue anyway to save him. And I am sorry.”

Uryū nodded, squeezing tightly to both Ichigo’s hands. He concentrated and poured what he could of his own energy into the body before him. Maybe if he could bolster him, through his own reiatsu… Suddenly, black reiatsu tinged with red burst out of him and encompassed them both, setting both Urahara and Unohana back on their heels. Byakuya reacted before he thought, the reiatsu release not pushing him back, instead it felt inviting. He reached over and put a hand on Ichigo’s chest, the black snapping outward and encompassing him as well. After a moment it receded, and Ichigo was unconscious, and Uryū was standing panting over his body. Byakuya staggered back, unsure of what he had heard himself while in contact with Ichigo’s body.

“It’s gone, though I’m not sure what happened…” Uryū said softly, reaching out to brush the hair from Ichigo’s face which was drenched with sweat by now.

Urahara smiled softly and motioned for Unohana to come with him. They left the three alone, so they could figure this out on his own. Byakuya nervously watched them go, feeling unsure and out of place. Master? He knew he had heard that word the second his hand touched Ichigo. But it wasn’t the fear filled word from before. This time it had been comfortable and happy.

Uryū sat, putting his head down on Ichigo’s chest and listening carefully to his breathing and heartbeat. He was also listening deeper for that horrible word. He wanted to tear Aizen’s heart out so that that word would never emerge from his lips again. But he knew that was folly to think of that. He was a mere Quincy, and not even the whole of the Gotei 13 had been able to stand against in the end.

He heard someone enter the room and he looked up to see Renji standing there. He noticed as he stood up that Byakuya had left while he was concentrating on Ichigo.

“Hey, Uryū, anything yet?” he asked softly.

He nodded. “Yeah, it looks like Aizen’s still connected to him somehow. Unohana-Taichou and Urahara-san went to see what they could come up with. Looks like we share some kind of soul bond…”

“Ah, those happen I’ve heard. Never met someone with an active and current bond. There are stories, of couples who go through hell to save each other. I guess someone one day we will be writing one about you,” Renji said, patting Uryū’s shoulder.

“Did you know about the bond?” Uryū asked softly, looking up.

He shook his head. “That’s not something you can sense. And I know what it means, those old stories tell the tale of those that ignore such a bond, and live, long lonely lives. I really don’t know how Ichigo feels about you, and I just hope for both your sakes, he feels the same.”

“It gets weirder, though,” he said with a sigh.

“Why’s that?” Renji asked, watching him.

“I guess Aizen tried to force a soul bond between him and Ichigo. Only it didn’t work because of the hypnosis, and it got mixed up, so it formed a soul bond between the real Byakuya and Ichigo instead,” Uryū said as he held onto Ichigo’s hand.

Renji shook his head. “Damn. That’s…that’s messed up because you can’t undo something like that once it’s done…”

The redhead sighed and watched for a while, and then walked out. Uryū sighed and fell into a rather uncomfortable sleep with head on the bed. He knew what Ichigo had said, that he felt the same, but could he trust what he was saying in such a state? He hoped he could. Still, Byakuya…what about him?

-oooooo-OOOOOO-ooooooo-

“So they actually managed to get my cuffs off and his soul is intact?” Szayel said, wide eyed. “That’s impressive.”

Aizen sat at the head of the meeting table. “Yes, and that means that he is more of a nuisance than I gave him credit for in the beginning. Grimmjow, go bring him back. You will still be seen as that annoying redhead to him. Cover your presence, and be careful.”

Grimmjow frowned. “Aizen-sama, not to question you, but isn’t that taking a huge chance just for one plaything? I know it annoyed you to have him taken away, but…”

Aizen sighed, resting on hand on his fist. “He’s more than a plaything, Grimmjow. He contains power that isn’t even tapped yet. I still have the hogyuku. I can finish the incomplete soul bond. He’s stronger than I gave him credit for. Not many can survive what Szayel did to him. I will have him back.”

“Why not just kill him?” Grimmjow pressed. It was really annoying to say the least that he’d been pulled for this.

“Because then, as you said, I’d lose my plaything. Something so powerful, under my control, and all those fools in soul society will know it,” he said with a smirk. “Make preparations, and do not get caught.”

Grimmjow stood and headed out. This was such a hassle. He’d hoped he’d never lay eyes on that pathetic creature again, and now he was going to get him right under soul society’s noses. Well, it would be fun, perhaps. Once the rest of the meeting was let out, Grimmjow headed over to pick up some equipment from Szayel to make sure he wasn’t detected in soul society for his mission. Then it was a matter of him being outside the walls… That could prove problematic.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

 

Ichigo awoke and felt radiating warmth on his chest, and saw that someone’s dark head was resting on him. He reached out and buried both hands in the black hair and felt him stiffen as he sat up to stare at him with those blue eyes that pierced him to the soul.

“I…I…” he stammered, and frowned, confused because he couldn’t get the words to form.

“Hey, don’t worry, it will come back, Ichigo,” the raven-haired man said softly.

Ichigo. That’s right, that defined him. His…name. What a difficult concept to understand as his fragmented thoughts tried to pull together. And he was trying to put together a name for the person before him.

“Ur…Uryū…” he finally stammered, his eyes going wide. There! He’d said it!

He was greeted with a broad smile. “Yes! Oh good, you remembered me, I was afraid it would take forever…”

Suddenly, unbidden, tears began to form in his eyes and he wasn’t sure why. He was overcome at once with a tidal wave of emotions that he hadn’t wanted to let out, but it happened uncontrolled. It was random, seemingly, and there was no real reason but he found himself in moments sobbing uncontrollably into Uryū’s chest, arms wrapped around him, his whole body shaking.

Uryū looked up in concern to Urahara who had just entered. “It may happen like this, give him time, Uryū-san. Everything is going to come back fast.”

Eventually, the shaking stopped and he looked at Uryū with a confused expression. “Why?” he whispered, almost too softly to be heard.

Uryū rubbed his back gently and smiled, letting the smile light his eyes. “Because…I guess I love your stupid Shinigami ass. And now I find out you’re a Quincy too. So yeah.”

Ichigo didn’t look like he really understood what had been said. He just nodded and rested his head against him again. “Oh,” he said softly.

After a bit, a fourth division member came in and was talking to him about how he was doing and how he felt. Uryū remained in his position, Ichigo clinging to him as he watched the other man walk around and talk with a wary eye. Then he reached out and took Ichigo’s shoulder, asking him to lie down so he could examine him better so he could leave in a while. First his breathing quickened, and he was trying to do what he was asked, but as he lay back on the bed, his heart began to race and his eyes began to flit back and forth around the room. “No…” he muttered and shot up, grabbing for Uryū and finding comfort in the distinct scent he gave off. “Leave me alone,” he whined, his face now buried in the Quincy’s chest.

Urahara put a hand on the young Shinigami, “I’ll handle this for now, okay? Can you get Unohana-Taichou?” The young man nodded and left quickly.

“Ichigo?” Urahara said softly, leaning forward.

He lifted his head and his eyes immediately went to Urahara’s hat, making the coy shopkeeper smile with glee. “That’s it. Now, can you lay back for me, just need to make sure you’re okay before I let Uryū here take you back to Kuchiki-taichou’s home to really rest.”

Ichigo nodded but as soon as he was lying on the bed, grabbed Uryū’s hand in a bruising grip. Wincing, the Quincy said nothing but watched instead. Urahara ran hands laced with reiatsu above him and nodded, stopping above his head. Ichigo squeezed his eyes closed as soon as he came close, though, tensing. Uryū patted his shoulder and waited. Unohana came in and nodded to Urahara.

“Alright,” He said, smiling at them. “You can take him back, but please, if what happened today happens again, get him here immediately. I’m not sure if he’s shaken off the link or not, but we’ll continue working on it from here.”

Unohana had laid a blue yukata down on the foot of the bed with a pair of tabi for him to put on. Ichigo stared at them as though they were a foreign substance as his mind tried to fish around for how to deal with it. Thoughts and memories struggled to connect together.

“I’ll help, okay?” Uryū said and picked up the folded garment and shook it out, holding it up. Ichigo nodded and stood up, his covers slipping and he realized that he was completely nude underneath. For some reason though, it didn’t bother him as he let Uryū wrap the obi around his waist and then helped him fumble the tabi on. He stared at his feet, now encased in white and then looked up at him.

“Sorry,” he said softly, brow crinkling at some thought that ran through his mind suddenly.

Uryū shook his head and pulled him along toward the door. He led him slowly through the streets, garnering looks from several people they knew and didn’t know. Every time someone got near enough to touch Ichigo, he’d flinch away and edge closer to Uryū. And Uryū, as annoyed as he should have been at the behavior, instead found himself very happy that he could be the one to offer comfort to the previously unbreakable friend.

They meandered their way to the room he’d been given and Uryū was sure that it was lunch by now. He told Ichigo to stay there while he went to see what was going on in the manor and where the others were. He found Rukia in the kitchen.

“We’ve returned, Rukia-san,” he said with a smile. “Would you like to come visit him?”

Rukia thought and asked, “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“I think so, come, let’s bring him lunch. Surely that will make him feel better,” he said with a smile.”

They returned to the room to find him sitting at the door staring outside. Rukia felt a burning ache, knowing how far he had fallen from himself. He looked up with a start at both of them entering, laden with a large tray between them, but he didn’t bolt.

“Ichigo, Rukia would like to join us for lunch,” Uryū said, setting the tray on a low table. He went over and pulled him to his feet to come sit for food.

He sat down and stared at Rukia for a long time until Rukia started to feel a bit uncomfortable. “Are you okay, Ichigo?” she asked softly.

He frowned, taking up his chopsticks and shook his head. “No,” he said simply and started to slowly pick pieces of food out to eat.

She bit her lip. “Okay, bad question, I guess I should ask, how you are feeling?”

Ichigo ate thoughtfully for a moment. “Pulling apart…trying to put together…jumbled.”

Uryū patted his arm thoughtfully. “Ichigo, don’t rush it. It hasn’t been that long since we meshed that soul of yours back together.”

Rukia nodded. “So how in the world did you manage to repair an actual soul?”

“Something about a soul link or something,” Uryū said, frowning. “I guess our souls are now connected for good…”

“Like a soul bond?” she asked, staring at him. “Between you two?”

Uryū smiled. “So it seems. There’s this weird second connection though, I guess Aizen tried to bond his soul to Ichigo’s in the same fashion, but it went wrong because of the hypnosis. It bonded him to Byakuya instead.”

“Orihime is going to be so upset,” she said thoughtfully, eating a bit more. “You know she’s always had a crush on Ichigo from what I understand. And now he’ll be unattainable. Even if he were to completely recover from this.”

Just then there was a noise and they looked up to see Orihime and Chad with Renji. Orihime was already teary eyed as she held her arms across her chest. “Kurosaki-kun!” she said, holding her breath.

He looked up and blinked at her and then looked at Chad and then returned to eating as though nothing had happened. Renji dropped his hand to her shoulder and squeezed tightly. “Believe me, it is an improvement. I know that’s hard to believe, but the fact that he isn’t running with us here, is an improvement. Did Urahara fill you in on what happened with the soul fracturing?”

Orihime nodded. “Yeah, somehow Uryū-kun and Kuchiki-taichou helped him?”

Uryū nodded, feeling Ichigo stiffen beside him. It was more than that, it was a soul deep rattle as the chopsticks fell from his hands and his eyes darted around the room franticly. The reverberations from his resistance flared out in black around his body like a second skin. He threw both hands to his head and held his head as a pain shot through it.

“ _Shatter._ ” The word could be heard even by the others in the room.

“No, outta my head…outta me…go away…” he muttered, shaking his head violently, trying to dislodge the pressure. “Not again…not again…”

Uryū grabbed both hands and yanked them away, turning him to face him. He planted a hand on each of Ichigo’s temples and pressed his forehead against his. “No, he’s not going to do it again, stay with me,” he said softly, the black reiatsu reaching out and encompassing him as well. Ichigo put each of his hands on top of Uryū’s.

Uryū bolstered the bond between them, solidifying it until it was almost tangible in the room between them, a thick blue and black ribbon coiling around their bodies. The ripping effects were still there, but he was slowly calming them, and holding Ichigo’s mending soul together with the force of his own.

“Master…” Ichigo muttered. “Master can help. Please.”

Uryū couldn’t let go for a second, though, his own energy sustaining the pieces of Ichigo’s soul, but he felt a surge as a second set of hands covered Ichigo’s. Uryū looked up to see Byakuya sanding behind Ichigo now. The effect was instantaneous. A frustrated sound, almost a scream, resounded and Byakuya’s reiatsu began to coil around Ichigo in ribbons. Uryū understood now. Byakuya’s link was the only thing that could dislodge the tenuous hold he still had on Ichigo’s soul.

“You mistakenly believed I would abandon my duty because it was forced upon me,” Byakuya said with his eyes closed. “You think you understand me, but you do not. A forced bond it may be, but one I will honor.”

Uryū was holding to Ichigo’s soul as Byakuya’s power wound through him, encompassing him and severing the foreign link to Ichigo. There was a bright flare and then the reiatsu settled back down and Ichigo slumped against Uryū, completely unconscious. Byakuya stepped back, blinking rapidly. Urahara had come to the door.

“He tried again?” Urahara asked. Uryū nodded.

“I was able to stabilize the mending parts; he was going right for where we just put him back together. But it takes so much energy to do it… I think I understand now, though, why Ichigo kept focusing on Byakuya,” he asked, laying Ichigo down, petting through his hair as he did so. He saw Byakuya step away, still watching.

“Aizen is nothing if not tenacious,” Byakuya said, crossing his arms.

Uryū looked up at him. “You need to spend some time here with him, Kuchiki-Taichou. You can block the intrusion from the outside, all I can do is pull his pieces together.”

Byakuya actually had a look of discomfort cross his normally stoic face. “I am not sure that is a good idea.”

Urahara patted his shoulder. “I know you fear his reaction, but I think Uryū may be onto something. Before, it wasn’t until you came in contact with him that Aizen was forced away. Uryū may have been necessary to seal his soul together, you appear to be something else to him.”

Byakuya nodded, still unsure. Truthfully, he was still coming to terms with the idea that his face, his person, had been used to do something so horrible to him. He was unsure how such a horrible idea had come to Aizen’s mind. It was too twisted to even comprehend. But then, using Hinamori as he had, he could see that cruelty was something that ran deep in Aizen’s twisted mind. He was brought out of his thoughts by Uryū standing beside him, waiting for him patiently.

“What is it, Uryū?” he said flatly.

“I asked if you would stay with him, while I went with Urahara to perform some tests on me? I don’t want to wake him and drag him with me,” he said softly, glancing back at the sleeping Shinigami.

Byakuya nodded. “I will stay.” Perhaps he needed to figure out what to do with him.


	11. Joinery of His Heart

After the others left, Byakuya was unsure what to do. He wasn’t sure how to deal with the situation. Obviously, Aizen still wanted Ichigo back. He sighed and moved the food tray out of the way. He wondered if he should pull him up on the futon more as his legs were off the end. He sat down beside him slowly. How could someone be brought down so fast? Then he had to remind himself that it hadn’t been fast. Steadily, he’d been torn down over two years. Those years of being tortured in the most hellish ways imaginable. And though his body had been returned, it was still a long way. He heard a noise and looked down to see that Ichigo was staring at him intently.

“You are awake,” he said softly.

Ichigo’s brow furrowed, not quite as far as a scowl, but still, it was better than the blank look he’d been known for lately. “M-Master…Good Master…” he muttered.

“That is correct, Ichigo. How are you at this moment?” he asked, as Ichigo watched him.

He stayed where he was. “Trying to break…the mask…on you,” he said, frowning and closing his eyes. “I see you…but it is not you…and I _knew_ it wasn’t you…I _knew._ But…it was so hard to remember…to remember you weren’t there…”

“It is okay, to take time. I am very unsettled by what has happened. Will you tell me what he did in my name?” he asked softly, hoping that it was not too much for him.

Ichigo nodded, pushing himself to a sitting position. “I’m putting it together. Broken pieces of things. Shifts throughout my memory. But I remember the first time I saw you…him…he said…I was a monster, that everyone knew it, that no one would help me, because of what I was…that I was tainted, wrong…but I never thought you’d think that…do you?” he said suddenly, looking up him.

Byakuya shook his head. “Of course, not Ichigo. I never saw you as a monster. Struggling with some inner demon, yes, but I knew you would find a way to deal with it. You were strong enough to do that,” he said softly, reaching out and putting a hand on his shoulder.

Ichigo looked at it and then put his own hand on it. “I knew when you gave me chocolate that you weren’t the same…he was never nice to me…never gave me what I asked…and then would do those things to me…and I felt like I was dying inside.”

Byakuya nodded. “I can only imagine what he put you through. What you survived, I am sure it would have killed a lesser person long before it had been half over.”

Ichigo looked away. “That first year, before he broke my will with those cuffs, it was so easy, sometimes. To fight them, and no matter what, I refused to do what they asked willingly. Broken bones, and cuts and wounds, I lived with them all because it meant that I was refusing to give in to him. And if it had just been that…I…I would have been okay…but to watch myself…turn into what I became…I was sick to see it and unable to stop it, as I begged them…pleaded with them…to do those things…to go so far…as to do them to myself…”

Byakuya started and stared at him for a moment. “To yourself?”

He shivered. “To cut myself, he left me a knife, to be able to use it when I wanted to do it. And I _loved_ it. To control my pain, to control how much blood. And to punish myself and it just…it felt like I was in control for a few brief moment…”

Byakuya was sick at the thought that he had been made to do those things to himself as well. Ichigo looked up at him, and suddenly grabbed onto him around under his arms. For a moment the stoic clan head was surprised, and then he put his arms down around him, knowing that feeling contact that wasn’t filled with pain was essential. But he had initiated a touch, a strong one. And Byakuya, while not entirely comfortable with it, remained as long as he needed.

He sat up finally, letting go of him. “Sorry,” he said softly, sighing as he looked around. “There is this feeling, this connection that keeps drawing me no matter how hard I try…I can’t push you away.”

Byakuya smiled at him. “No, nothing to be sorry of.” He paused. “I am unsure if you remember, but he tried to force a soul bond on us. Well, on you and him, but it bonded to who you saw him as, which was me. You are soul bonded to Uryū, and now this false one exists. I am sorry,” he sighed.

Ichigo nodded. “I felt it. When he seared it into me, and it was so hot and when I saw…you…him…I could tell he had done something. It frustrated him.” He frowned. “There’s this part of me, a really big…part. It tells me that this, this is an illusion too.”

“This is no illusion, Kurosaki,” he said as he reached out and brushed a hand over Ichigo’s head.

Ichigo smiled and stood up, walking around the room. And he wasn’t having a difficult time at all, even with his “master” in the room. He was very proud of himself. Then his eyes fell on a drink serving set. It was a simple, a silver bucket to be filled with ice, and a pair of tongs that had a rough opening meant to crack pieces of ice. It was sturdy, of course, made to break ice with both the tongs and with the inner area. But to him, another image flooded his mind. An image of those being used in his mouth, being held down and screaming as they pried a tooth out of him, and watching with sick horror as it was crushed to bits before his eyes. The sick pleasure on the master had sent a shiver down his spine and now he was backing away, his heart beating rapidly in his throat and shaking his head, trying his best to will away the image, and the ghost of pain that ripped through him.

He was shaking and soon had wedged himself into the space between the bed and the wall, holding his head and whimpering for it to just go away, to leave him be. His tongue found no missing teeth in his mouth, of course, the healing had taken care of that, but he shivered at the remembered pain. He looked up when a hand shook him and he screamed, the master over him. And he pleaded to not be punished to leave him alone, because caught in the memories he couldn’t help but scream what he wished he’d been able to before this moment.

Byakuya had no idea what initiated the panic attack, but he recognized one when he saw it. The boy had seen something, something that brought back a memory. He stayed with him, and tried to keep him from hurting himself. He was already trying to tear at his hair, and he had to pull his hands away and then he glared at the man over him and screamed. The unbridled terror in his voice was enough to set Byakuya’s teeth on edge. He quickly pulled him up, pressing his back to his chest and wrapped both arms around in front, holding his hands down as the thrashed against him, struggling to get away, and weeping about the pain and wanting to be left alone. Then, the words that made Byakuya realize the cause of the boy’s terror.

“Please…I’ll be good…no more pulling…please it hurts…” he choked out and then his whole body seemed to release the tension. He leaned back against him, breath ragged and uncontrolled still. Byakuya looked over at him to see him running tongue across his teeth again and again.

Byakuya glanced to where he’d been standing and saw the drink tray with the bucket and the…ice tongs… He gasped. Of course, he’d been missing several teeth when they found him, pulled out, and others that were crushed inside his mouth. They had used plain, household items, not even using torture devices, so that it was that he would be exposed daily to the tools of his own torture. He hugged him closer, not caring that several servants had entered the room.

“Kuchiki-sama?” someone asked, and he felt the boy in his arms flinch at the use of the honorific.

“No, please, go, inform Urahara-san that there has been an incident, and don’t answer, don’t say anything else,” he said, glaring at the man. He took him seriously, and nodded, running from the room.

“Ichigo,” he said softly. “Are you back with me?”

The boy’s breathing had steadied. He nodded, but as soon as Byakuya started to let go, he gripped his arms even tighter. “Don’t let go yet,” he breathed. “Please.”

Byakuya nodded, moving to a better position, letting him sit against him as his pulse began to slow down. He held him as tightly as he could until they both began to drowse.

Uryū and Urahara returned, they found Byakuya sitting on the floor with Ichigo fast asleep in his lap. A cocked eyebrow from the stoic Kuchiki was all they got for the moment.

“Would you kindly lift him, one of you? I’m afraid my legs are both asleep,” Byakuya said with his usual stoniness.

Uryū nodded, and lifted him up carefully, feeling his body shift into him as he laid him down on the futon. Uryū then slipped in beside him, knowing there was no way he’d let him leave without a fight. He glanced at Byakuya who was making it slowly to his feet.

“What happened?” he asked softly.

Byakuya sighed. “He had an anxiety attack, the ice tongs triggered it,” he said glancing at the set of tools for drinks.

Urahara sighed deeply. “You’re guessing he was subjected to common objects in the course of his torture and not just torture devices.”

“I seriously doubt anything they used was uncommon, Urahara. From what I can tell, everything was meant to keep him from ever reintegrating to the world so why wouldn’t they? My guess is whatever was used to make those burns that littered his legs and back was something common here in the manor, and I’m afraid that finding it may trigger another such episode,” he said, looking around thoughtfully.

Uryū sighed and pulled the man in his arms closer. “Why would someone do this, I mean really, what purpose does it serve?”

Urahara patted the Quincy on the back. “The reason is the very reason you are asking that question, Uryū-san. Breaking a person is a personal thing to someone as cruel as Aizen.”

Soon, both Byakuya and Urahara left them to sleep. Though after a while, Ichigo rolled into Uryū’s arms and opened his eyes, staring into blue.

“Hey, you’re awake?” Uryū commented, staring right back.

He nodded, then laid his head down on Uryū’s shoulder. “What…do I feel?”

Uryū frowned, running a hand through his hair softly. “I don’t know, Ichigo. You have to answer that.”

“Will…you be…here when I figure it out…” he said even softer and Uryū pulled him closer.

“Ichigo, I know it is hard for you to put this together, but I’m never going to go anywhere, okay? You and me, from the day we met, we were connected. And now we’re going to stay together,” Uryū said rubbing a hand through his hair again.

“Okay,” was the only reply as the breathing below his hands evened out into sleep.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Vibrant blue eyes took in the scene. So this was not going to be easy if he’d attached himself to the Quincy as well as the real Master. They kind of looked cute together, though. Well, he’d at least accomplished the first part of the problem, getting in and going unnoticed. He was really surprised how well the stuff Szayel made worked sometimes. For a complete lunatic he came up with some really good gadgets now and then. But now, he had the rest of the problem, drawing the damn orange headed brat away from the Quincy and getting him out through a garganta before anyone could respond fast enough to stop him. Night wasn’t an option, because obviously everyone was inside the manor. If he waited until the daylight hours, though, and managed to get in, still appearing to be the red headed nuisance, then it would be easy enough to tell him they needed to go somewhere else.

Still. Grimmjow sat down in the space beside the house and thought through the things he was about to do. Was it really something he wanted to do? That was the question. The boy showed amazing fortitude to even begin to survive the torture he endured across the span of the years he’d been in Las Noches, but then to manage to salvage enough of himself to be coming out of it? He’d never agreed with what Aizen wanted. The whole situation sickened him to be honest because he had respected the kid for how well he fought. But he was stuck. If he went back to Aizen without him, he was a dead man. If he stayed in Soul Society, again, he was a dead man.

Or was he?

No, it couldn’t be that easy. Could he really turn on Aizen? He thought for a long while. What exactly kept him with the bastard, anyway? Certainly not any kind of loyalty. It had been the promise of power. But what kind of power would there be available if Soul Society could actually take out Aizen? Perhaps he could gain control of all of Hueco Mundo out of the deal in exchange for information. Granted, walking into the center of the enemy’s home and demanding asylum was questionable. But he never was one to think things through too well.

So it was he found himself slipping into the building and positioning himself in the room with the Quincy and the broken Shinigami. He was surprised when it was brown eyes that locked on his own where he was sleeping on the low futon. His eyes widened in confusion and Grimmjow smirked at him, knowing that the feature was wrong on the red-head’s face. The expression had the desired effect of the kid grabbing the Quincy and screaming at the top of his lungs.

Uryū was rarely drawn so forcibly out of sleep as he was when Ichigo’s hands clamped around him and the scream pierced his dream state. At first, he thought, perhaps he was having a nightmare, but as he sat up and scrambled to put his glasses on, the world slammed into focus, and he was locking eyes with a blue eyed Arrancar, no not just any, it was the sixth Espada. Grimmjow.

Ichigo had scrambled off the bed and was pressed into the corner now, head buried in his knees and obviously panicking. A second later, Uryū had drawn his bow and focused it onto the Espada and released a stream of reiatsu to signal that he needed help. The door flung open to reveal both Byakuya and Rukia, swords ready and in their dressing gowns. She gasped and her hand shook.

“Grimmjow?” she said with a trembling voice.

Grimmjow grinned and gave her a two fingered salute. “Yo, sweetheart. Might deal with your friend and worry less about me, looks like he might pass out pretty soon.”

Rukia turned and moved between the futon and the wall, and Uryū lowered his bow and crawled over to him. Byakuya kept his sword trained on the Espada. “What are you here for?”

Grimmjow shrugged. “Well, see, the reason I’m here is to take him back. Now, the reason I’m here now, and not dragging him back through a garganta is because I decided I’m tired of being ordered around by a Shinigami on a power trip. Never did agree with what he did with the kid over there, but I did my duty and took orders like a good boy. And I am done with it, especially after I see how much he’s recovered from what we did to him. He don’t deserve that again, and I know Szayel already created another, more powerful set of those cuffs you took off him.”

Uryū had managed to coax him back onto the bed, but he was shaking and clinging to him, face buried in Uryū’s neck. He couldn’t look. He knew that it wasn’t Renji, not with that smirk on his face. But it looked so much like him.

“See, the hypnosis is still in effect, so Aizen thought I could easily lure him off, since he sees me as that tattooed red head of yours. But there’s just something about me that leaks through because I don’t think he really believed it was him no matter how many times he was told it was,” Grimmjow said, standing and popping his back. “I ‘spose you want to take me to your head captain or whatever. Let’s get it over with before the kid has a complete breakdown and you lose your progress,” he said with a shrug.

Byakuya nodded and indicated for him to move forward, and followed close behind out of the room. Uryū rubbed Ichigo’s back.

“He’s gone, he’s gone, Ichi, it’s okay, now come on, please, sit up now?” he said softly to him.

Ichigo lifted his head and his eyes darted around the room like mad for a moment before he grabbed the front of Uryū’s shirt and buried his face in his chest again.

“It looked like Renji, but I knew that that smirk didn’t belong to Renji, I knew it all along, all the time,” he said, panting heavily. “Just like the smile on Master. Wasn’t him, couldn’t be him…”

Rukia nodded to Uryū and crept silently from the room. Uryū sighed and hugged his body closer to him. He wasn’t crying, which Uryū wasn’t sure about. It could be a good sign or a bad sign, but not knowing would kill him. He pushed him back gently and locked blue eyes on brown.

“Ichi, are you okay?” he said softly.

Ichigo bit his lip and nodded slowly. “As long as you’re here, I am,” he said quietly, then embraced him in a hug. Uryū returned it, rubbing his hands along his back as he did so. Now he did feel tears on his shoulder.

“What is it?” he said softly, not moving to release him.

“I think…I think most of it is back. My head…seems to be working now. Better than before…but still…I’m scared of you, Uryū, more than anyone else…” he said with a deep sigh.

Uryū started and frowned, clenching him tighter. “Why are you scared of me, Ichi? I wouldn’t hurt you for any reason in the world, you know that right?”

“But…but why would you want anything to do with me? I’m so broken, so shattered…he shattered me into so many pieces, I don’t know if I can ever put them back together…” he said, practically sobbing at the last.

“Kintsugi, Ichigo,” Uryū said softly.

He could feel his frown as he burrowed his face into his shoulder. “Kintsugi?” he asked.

“You know what it is, don’t you?” Uryū said thoughtfully, his hands never stopping their motion on his back.

He felt him nod slight. “Isn’t that where they put gold in pots or something?”

“The Golden Joinery. It is more than that. You take gold filling and mend broken ceramics, pots, cups, whatever is broken, and then, the broken pieces aren’t just fixed, but they are more beautiful than they began because of the gold filling the cracks and spaces between. Something that has been through that, something that has a brilliant history, is far more beautiful than something that is pristine and perfect. The scratches, the gaps, all filled with gold, showing the world how lovely and full of life the object is. You, Ichigo, you may be shattered, but allow me to help. Let me mend those cracks, and fill the spaces in between.”

Uryū sighed and shook his head, speaking a truth that he had been wanting to speak for quite some time. “I want no one else, and I never have from the day I challenged you out of jealousy and attraction and fear. No one else can draw my attention, even before our souls became re-bonded, this link, it was always there. Your soul is mended now, I helped mend it, and those pieces are joined together by my soul, and perhaps it can be the golden strings that bind you together and make you whole again. Each crack, each blemish, each scar, it tells a story of where you have been, and where you have survived. And each filling of gold, will show that I have helped fill those spaces, and you will be far more beautiful than any plain, fresh pot,” he spoke with reverence, stroking on hand along his back, the other threading through his orange hair and petting it softly.

“Kintsugi doesn’t even begin to cover what I wish for you, Ichigo. I will bind the pieces of you with golden thread, and fill the gaps with golden putty and then coat them with a sheen of fine golden patina. Those places will be stronger than any other space, and never again will you feel the pain of being shattered, because if anyone dares come near you again, I will ruin them. I will die for you, kill for you, anything. Because you are my kintsugi project, and I will bind these pieces as though my own life depends on it, because it does.” Uryū paused, a pang lancing through him. He was going to say this, even if he had no idea where Byakuya fit. That was him to say for himself.  

“I cannot stand for you to cry, at least not unless they are tears of happiness. I cannot stand for you to hurt. And don’t think I do not understand what is coming, Ichigo. Not for a minute. I want to be beside you to hold you through every coming panic attack. I want to be beside you as you scream and cuss and get so angry at me that you scream that you hate me. I want to stand through and weather the storms that will come as you get through each and every thing that happened. And I will happily wait forever by your side, even if the rest of our lives, this relationship never progresses beyond me holding you as you sleep. For me, that would be enough, to remain close to you for the rest of our lives. And all the time, I will pull out the golden putty and apply it to those cracks, and you will be far more dazzling than the day you were born.” Uryū pushed him back and held him by the shoulders and stared into wet, brown eyes. “Ichigo, will you let me take this golden journey with you?”

Ichigo’s heart seemed to have forgotten what it was supposed to do. So instead, his eyes overflowed with tears and he just nodded slowly and was pulled into Uryū’s arms again and he held tightly to him as he cried silently, though he wasn’t sure if it was from sadness anymore, or simply because his heart had become too full to handle anything else.

Eventually, Uryū found himself holding a deeply sleeping Shinigami. He smiled to himself and readjusted, laying him down and then lying beside him, and pulling him close to him. He positioned Ichigo’s head against his shoulder and brushed his opposite hand through his hair again and again until he too had fallen asleep like that.

Sometime later, Rukia looked in and smiled to herself. The sight was at the same time heartbreaking and heartwarming. She had heard them, Uryū’s words to him making her own heart ache deeply in her chest. Kintsugi, indeed. Considering Uryū’s penchant for repairing things, she saw it very clearly. And she wondered exactly how far things would go deeper into the dark before the light began to shine.

But Rukia was certain that she could already see the golden strings beginning to bind Ichigo back together. She sighed and felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see Renji standing there with a soft smile on his lips. She nodded to him, and he took her hand, leading her away to another room.

“What is it?” she asked as they sat together on a bench.

“We took the Arrancar to the Sou taichou. They’re in a meeting now. But it seems like they are going to consider what he has to say.”

Rukia nodded. “But even if it was under Aizen’s orders, Renji, he raped Ichigo, again and again, wearing your face. Ichigo still sees your face when he sees him. Can we honestly even have him anywhere near him?”

She heard Renji swallow hard beside her. “I know, but we all know what would have happened if he hadn’t done as he was told. He made no mistake, he admitted his part, in a bid for more power, and at first he went along with it because he wanted to do those things, but the longer it went on, the more he knew it was wrong, somewhere at the core of his being. My guess is that somewhere, there is a good soul inside him.”

“A Shinigami, perhaps. They’ve all consumed Shinigami souls to get as far as they are,” Rukia said softly.

“Whatever the reason, what he offers is worth it.”

“What does he offer?” she asked, turning to look at him.

“Information. The layout of Aizen’s place, information on all the Espada and other powerful Arrancar, which ones will turn when given the opportunity, what kind and how many there are, habits, all of it. Enough that if we were to go after him, we would probably succeed in bringing him down. Killing him is impossible, most likely, but we can certainly confine him and stop him from destroying all of Karakura Town and getting the king’s key,” Renji said with a sigh. “We don’t have to like it. But the fact is, tactically, using him would be sound. He’s considering a plan for him to return as a spy, but trusting him is at question, of course.”

“What does he want?” she asked, picking at her robe.

Renji shook his head. “Hueco Mundo if Aizen falls, and until then, asylum. He’s even willing to accept imprisonment while here, as long as it is comfortable.”

Rukia nodded. “No doubt they will choose to use the information.”

“Of course,” Renji said. “You want to go for a walk around the pond? I can’t sleep now, and I’m all sorts of restless.”

Rukia nodded and took Renji’s hand when he offered it. She wondered, would he do what Uryū would do for Ichigo? And what did it all mean for her brother?

They got to the pond and stood in silence for a while. “Uryū has told Ichigo that he wants to be with him no matter what. He gave him a long flowery speech about mending his broken pieces by way of kintsugi.”

Renji snickered. “That…is…at the same time sappy as hell and oddly romantic…did it work on the dumb brat?”

“I think so. He cried on him and then they fell asleep together. I still don’t know what to think of Ichigo having changed so dramatically,” she said with a deep sigh. “Do you think he’ll ever be like he was?”

Renji shook his head, sitting down slowly, leaning back on his hands to stare into the sky and crossing his legs at the ankles. “No, there’s no way to return to that. He’s always going to be different. But you have to remember, it is still Ichigo. Otherwise, he would be dead. No one but that stubborn bastard could have survived that.”

Rukia sat down cross legged beside him and nodded slowly. “You’re right about that.”

Slowly, Renji reached out and took her hand and looked up to meet her eyes in the moonlight. He smiled for a long moment. “Speaking of sappy,” he muttered, and leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips. Rukia gasped slightly and blinked at him.

“Renji?” she said softly.

“I know, this is perhaps the worst time, but dammit, all of this, and if one of us were to die tomorrow, how could I die and never have told you that it has always been you? Ever since the days on the streets, it was always you, and no one else. I chased after your brother to prove myself to you. I wanted to prove that I was worthy of you. And that’s the only thing there is,” Renji said with a shrug.

Rukia gaped for a moment and then moved and straddled his lap in one quick move, causing him to stare wide eyed at her as she settled across his thighs. “You fool, you think it hasn’t always been you for me as well? When you were always more worried about my brother than me? I had no idea what was going on in that moronic brain of yours,” she said, and brushed lips against him softly.

He looked at her with such longing that it would have broken her heart if it hadn’t broken for her friend already. “I thought that you…and Ichigo…you know, for a long time…”

She shook her head. “Are you kidding? He’s like my kid brother, always has been, same way Kaien was always my mentor, nothing more. But you, always there, always by my side, and then giving up completely so I could be happy…how could it not be you?”

As the moon began to sink, and the stars began to fade, the morning birds were the only witnesses to the silent lovers by the pond. By the breaking of the dawn, there was little to separate the two save the beams of the morning’s light. The world revolved, and souls lived and died and were saved and damned, but the two lonely, heartbroken Shinigami by the koi pond wouldn’t know about those events. For a long time, there existed two hearts, seeking to mend each other. And so it was that Uryū and Ichigo were not the only ones to practice the art of the golden journey as golden threads healed broken hearts in the dawning light of day.

**Author's Note:**

> Autism Self-Advocacy Network  
> • info@autisticadvocacy.org   
> • http://autisticadvocacy.org/   
> National Alliance on Mental Health  
> • 1-800-950-6264  
> • http://www.nami.org/   
> Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance  
> • 1-800-826-3632  
> • http://www.dbsalliance.org/   
> Transgender Youth Equality Foundation  
> • 207-478-4087  
> • http://www.transyouthequality.org/   
> Trans Student Educational Resources  
> • TSER@transstudent.org   
> • http://www.transstudent.org/   
> Stopbullying.gov  
> • https://www.stopbullying.gov/   
> PACERS National Bullying Prevention Center  
> • 1-800-537-2237  
> • http://www.pacer.org/bullying/   
> Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration  
> • 1-877-SAMHSA-7  
> • https://www.samhsa.gov/   
> National Suicide Prevention Hotline  
> • 1-800-273-8255  
> • https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/   
> Suicide Prevention Resources  
> • http://www.sprc.org/   
> American Foundation of Suicide Prevention   
> • https://www.afsp.org/   
> The American Association of Suicidology   
> • http://www.suicidology.org/   
> Crisis Text Line  
> • Text "Start" 741-741  
> • http://www.crisistextline.org/   
> S.A.F.E. Alternatives  
> • 1-800-DONTCUT  
> • http://www.selfinjury.com/   
> Trans Lifeline  
> • US: 1-877-565-8860 Canada: 1-877-330-6366  
> • https://www.translifeline.org/   
> GLBT National Youth Talk   
> • 1-800-246-7743 (M-F, 4pm-12am EST/Sat, 12pm-5pm EST)  
> The Trevor Project  
> • 1-866-488-7386 (24/7)  
> • Text “Trevor” 1-202-304-1200 (F 4pm - 8pm EST)  
> • http://www.thetrevorproject.org/   
> Disaster Distress Helpline   
> • 1-800-985-5990  
> • Text "TalkWithUs" 66746  
> National Sexual Violence Resource Center  
> • 1-877-739-3895  
> • http://www.nsvrc.org/   
> RAINN- Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network  
> • 1-800-656-4673  
> • https://www.rainn.org/   
> National Sexual Assault Hotline  
> • 1-800-656-4673  
> The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence  
> • 303-839-1852  
> • http://www.ncadv.org/   
> The National Domestic Violence Hotline  
> • 1-800-799-SAFE  
> • http://www.thehotline.org/   
> The National Resource Center on Domestic Violence  
> • 1-800-537-2238  
> • http://www.nrcdv.org/   
> Warm Ear Line  
> • 1-866-WARM EAR (927-6327)  
> • http://warmline.org/   
> National Human Trafficking Resource Center   
> • 1-888-373-7888  
> • Text BeFree (233733)  
> National Runaway Safeline   
> • 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) (24/7)  
> • http://www.1800runaway.org/   
> USA National Child Abuse Hotline   
> • 1-800-422-4453 (24/7)  
> National Safe Place   
> • Text SAFE and your current location to the number 69866 (24/7)  
> • http://nationalsafeplace.org/   
> National Eating Disorders Association   
> • 800-931-2237 (M-F, 11:30 am-7:30 pm EST)  
> • http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/   
> ANAD: National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders   
> • 630-577-1330 (M-F,12 pm-8 pm EST)  
> • http://www.anad.org/


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